I just want to have a friend who is there for me when I need her/him most….
Seriously, Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I need to disappoint every single person close to me?
My boyfriend broke up, and I still don’t really know why
My friend is totally angry with me again
I’m not able to comfort the friend most dear to me but instead he’s got trouble with his parents because of whom? Yeah well, of course it’s been me… Just as always I did my move of destruction.
I fuck up in school
I’m extraordinary unfair and mean to my parents who actually probably just want the best for me but are just putting way to much pressure on me and want me to […]
It’s been quite a long time since I visited this site last time but things got kinda worse and so I couldn’t even manage to write something here, I was more or less all time just laying in my bed doing nothing but thinking about my worthless life. How I messed things up again. More and more I began realizing that I am by far a bigger problem for others and also myself than I assumed before. I don’t even know anymore how the heck I got to such a point in my life.
But now I’ve got vacation and I pushed myself, thinking – […]
I’m reaching out for help. But I can’t find any. Cutting gets worse than ever before. And this feeling of hopelessness and grief as well, my anger is out of control but my parents in contrast desperately to control every single thing in my life. I’m getting crazy here. I need to change my damn surrounding, buy there is no way I could…
Damn.
Someone saw it. A classmate of mine saw the cuts. Actually – thank god – just one, and also not my deepest one.. – thank God for it –
Well she was asking like: “Wow, this looks pretty much like you cut yourself, hahaha! Where’d you get this from?!”
And I, just desperately trying to bring her away from this thought, as I never want anyone to see, especially not her, I dunno, I kinda don’t trust her really, (don’t wanna sound mean though, but unfortunately I have a problem with trusting anyway…), was like: “Huh, where the hell did I got this from?!” […]
It’s strange. Just some minutes ago I was feeling numb and empty and now my feelings are taking me down. I stare out of the window asking myself “Well, would those stones really kill me if I jumped with my head ahead on them?” Then my other voice decides for me: “Too risky, the chance of surviving and end up in a clinic with everyone thinking you’re mad and idiotic and eventually leaving you too is just WAY too high…” Wow. My mind sure knows how things work and what makes me feel better again. Not.
I’m in this I-hate-myself-can’t-do-anything-anymore-but-being-depressed-I-just-wanna-die mood again, if you know […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Smile-Empty-Soul-Self-Inflicted.mp3
Recently I found a pretty cool band on YouTube, called Smile Empty Soul. I can relate to most of the songs and lyrics so much, especially to self inflicted, a song that just tells the story of my life.
I’m glad that I found this song, although it makes me see how frustrating my life actually is and it reminds me of all the shit that happened again.
Still I can’t stop listening to this songs with that so fucking accurate lyrics.
So here it is, with the hope that some of you like it as well.
I’ve just been wondering about this question, so yeah, as the title already says, what’s keeping you alive?
Family? Friends? Something you don’t wanna miss?
For me, I guess it’s mainly my family, because I couldn’t imagine just leaving them here with all this shit that I created and they have to pay for in the end.
They really don’t deserve it.
The second would be that I’m just too fucking ***** to actually do it. I have to admit, even though life is Hell on Earth already, I’m still afraid of what comes after death. Whether I have to regret it or not.
Besides this little God […]
First of all, I wanted to thank you for the awesome and kind advice I got from you, especially my gratitude goes to Suicidal Angel, because the advice I got from this person truly helped me. Thanks to her I was able to stay clean for 2 months and 2 days! It was a really huge achievement for me, and I couldn’t have done it without her advice I guess, so if you’re reading this (even though I doubt it) a huge thanks to you again! I’m not really able to express my gratitude to you and the other nice pieces of advice from some […]
Anyone out there who could tell me how to hide cuts when wearing a swimsuit/top?
I cut myself mostly just on the shoulder to prevent that people see it because then I can wear at least most T-Shirts without any problem… But now I realized that it is WAY more problematic to hide them if I need to wear a swimsuit or whatsoever. On my wrists I can cover the cuts with bracelets and stuff like this, but how can I hide them on the shoulder? Without being noticeable? My family mustn’t see what I did, so does anyone has an advice for me?
Hey guys,
Even though this comes late, I hope all of you enjoyed a great and nice Christmas feast.
And more importantly, I wish everyone here an awesome new year in 2016.
Well, another year passes by again. For me and I guess for most you too, sadly just another year of grief, loneliness and failure. So, let’s hope it’ll be better in 2016 than in this year.
May all of you be on the bright side of life then, with the warm and comforting sunlight on the path your walking.
May all of you be safe and sound and have nothing left to fear.
I can’t go on like this. Everyday just the same damn pain as before. I know, no one I know would even try to understand how horrible I feel. So, I also don’t want to bother them with something, they don’t care for anyway. Everyday I fake a smile. Going to breakfast smiling my faked smile. Being around my “friends”, going somewhere, smiling my faked smile. But it gets more and more out of control. When no one talks to me I just can’t keep it up anymore. People always knew me as the blissful one, well nevertheless that did never change the fact that […]
It’s been for some years now. That feeling of loneliness and sorrow.
Since my only best friend I’ve ever had abandoned me, I didn’t find any real friends anymore. I don’t know why, but it seems that I’m just so very different from anyone else in my class and my surrounding. People think I’m strange. They avoid me. If we need to do group work in class everyone will sit happily together with their friends and I, well, I’m just standing there trying desperately to find someone to team up with me but no one hears me.
No one is on my side and helps […]