I began cutting in the 7th grade I was only 12. I don’t know why I did it. I just barley cut myself. I started everyday after that. I hide it no one ever saw my arms until the end of my 8th grade year. My mom found my journal and read it. She told me that I would be starting counseling. I started counseling. My mom checked my wrist every night and I would cut up my legs every night. The cuts got deeper and deeper I just need more and more. The blade pressed against my skin opening my skin and seeing blood […]
I honestly did not expect this I had a really bad day yesterday really bad I ended up smoking and drinking again normally I would be mad at myself. I promised my boyfriend I would quit because he thinks it not a good way to cope I know he’s right. I just sometimes don’t care because I hurt really not an excuse just my reasoning. I full of bad ideas but people always tell me I act like there is nothing to lose. I have one thing I could lose and came very close to last night I’m pretty sure he’s the only thing keeping me alive […]
There’s this girl dressed in all black
People stare at her as she walks
she could careless about what people thought
what a lie she tells herself everyday
There’s a girl who never says a word
She won’t speak her thoughts
She believes that her words are useless
She lives in her head
There’s a girl who had to many scars to count
On her skin she screams with anger
Under her clothes lays the truth
Nobody wants to know
There’s a girl who screamed
Nobody came running
Nobody heard
No one saved her from him
There’s a girl who’s afraid
To leave her room
To tell the truth
I feel as if no one will ever understand I tried to explain and they did not listen what’s the point in repeating myself. Only for them to ignore me. They act like this will pass but they don’t understand how much I’m suffering. They tell me to fix it. How can I fix it? I may seem so cold to people but I don’t mean to I’m just so angry. I never will be what everyone wants me to be I was not born to make people happy. And for them to say I’m only sad because I want to be is like punching […]
I’m not alone. I have a wonderful boyfriend he treats me right. I’m so lucky I have him I was so close and now I have something to live for. I do not deserve him. He puts up with so much. I can’t help but push him away but he always comes back and holds me when I can’t breathe. I really thought that if I knew what it felt like to be cared about all of this mess in my head would go away I was wrong. I still feel so disconnected and hurt all the time. I still wish I was dead. I […]
I finally started talking to my counselor because I need help. Biggest mistake ever. She told me if I was going to commit suicide she had to tell my parents. She lied. I told her I think about it a lot. Now I sleep on my parents floor like a dog. Everyone talks to me like I’m about to die. I really messed up. I don’t think anyone would ever understand how much I care for my family. They are all I have even if that’s not much they made mistakes but I don’t like to stress them out or make them cry. I wish […]
I’ve been hurt a lot from someone I trusted I actually think I loved him I let him get a little close still arms distance. He knew things about me he knew I cut and I am suicidal. I did not tell him but he surprised me and just showed up I forgot to put a jacket on and he saw the new cuts. He got angry really angry. He told me I was selfish and then he just left. I always thought that I liked being alone but no I’m just afraid that people will leave. I thought that a normal person would hold me and […]
I have a fear of people. I get tensed up and this causes me chronic pain. My doctor has me on benso but the does not help much. I really don’t know how long I can do this for. I hurt. This is really hard for me to do but we are all strangers so why not I was raped off and on for 7 years, at first I thought it was okay I was 5 when it started and I never told anyone because I can barley type it. Off of that subject. It’s so much more. I don’t know if it’s just because […]
My hearts broken. false hope.
I was about 11 when I realized nobody cared I mean family is suppose to care. I never had a stable family drugs or liquor ruined my family yet there sober now and they are so caught up in the mess they made that I’m invisible to them. I am no longer sober from liquor today just was so bad I had to drink my psychiatrist  thinks I’m crazy because of the scars on my arm I had to show him.. I broke down and cried in front of people I never cry in front of people. It’s just it’s hopeless. I don’t feel like trying anymore. The whole world can […]
I miss being a little kid the world was so pretty and I loved life. Now things are not what I expected to be like. I often wonder if I could of fixed it. My life just shattered. My counselor thinks my depression is caused by my past. Maybe it was I’m not sure but I just I want to feel good again not feel so disconnected all the time. I have really bad social anxiety I have no friends I’m alone. I think I like being alone I pushed all of  them away. Yet sometimes I wish I had someone who just understand me. I am […]
So I finally had enough and I’m gonna do what I’ve wanted to since I was 13 years old. I’m not gonna say suicide no I already dead it more of setting my soul free. My parents can tell there is something wrong and they try to tell me how much I mean to them but the only reason is they feel like bad parents this what I get not what they did. I feel like I deserve peace now. So I guess I won’t write any goodbyes just 3 words “not your fault” I won’t explain the pain I have felt for what feels like forever […]
I come to realize a lot of things. I am what I’ve done to myself. I gonna explain it won’t take that long. I got depressed because I had an drunk father and mother who just watched him destroy his kids but soon after I got depressed he quit but I continued to get worse. I feel like I should of done something to make things better. Things got worse because of what I began to do to myself I started cutting at 12 I pushed all my friends away. I became lonely and hated. All the friends I pushed away thought I hated them […]
I’ve been going through depression for 3 years now. I’m 15. I use to think that it would get better and pray to god it would. I stopped I guess I lost hope in it three years does not seem like a long time but it is when you can barley get out of bed or do anything. I have no friends I once did but I push them all away. I began using drugs to numb the pain I tried weed spice meth and pills. Always getting in trouble for drinking. I screwed up my head and I basically became mute I only talk to my […]
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