I really want to die. To much is changing and I don’t like it. I’m probably getting coupled by a good friend I kinda have crush on that I don’t want to accept because I’m a philophobe…
I want to hang somewhere now 😕
I’m afraid I fucked up again.
I was out partying the other day and everything was going really well. I was having fun with a friend I made in the bus (I was on an trip in Italy with school) IÂ genuinely was having fun which is rare as it is.
Than all of a sudden she mentions that someone she knew someone who committed suicide that day almost a year ago. I tried to comfort her but just ended up breaking down myself and needing her comfort. aka I sat there crying for about an hour on her shoulder for everybody to see.
Obviously I told […]
It’s been almost a year since I’ve been rescued from here. And I find myself sitting here at night again. Knowning no other way out that to spil out my heart on this place.
Why didn’t I just kill myself last year. Why haven’t I done it still.
It’s because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to wake up again. I’m afraid that guilt will kill me if I do.. I’m afraid I will be too weak to actually commit. I’m afraid I don’t have enough know how.
The one thing I’m not afraid of is dying.
I’m am currently fighting with my one of my best friends over the fact I’m suicidal. I was stupid enough to send a drunken message to my ex, who sent this message to my friend who is now fighting with me because he thinks of it as weak. JEEJ ME , THIS WILL SURELY MAKE ME LOVE LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN,…. NOT.
I think I can safely say we’ve all heard this one before. “Don’t kill yourself, it’s selfish… Think about all the people around you? How they would feel ”
Who here actually feels like suicide is a selfish act?
I personally say this to people who told me this. Maybe suicide is selfish but you can’t forget humans are selfcentered beings.
I’ve started watching anime lately. It’s really captured my mind and makes me zone out. I love it, the Japanese have a way of writing stories in a way you are bound to feel connected too it. The problem however is that my life looks bland and boring now..
I wish I was part of some show. The daily drag of living feels like I’m being tied up to a car and towed face down. I can’t even make myself content with desolving in daily routines anymore.
I’M SICK OF THIS SHIT!
To all girls on SP. What would you do if you broke up with a guy you met right here and was together with for almost a year?
Would you block him and ignore him?
Would you try to forget about him?
Would you erase him from your life?
From my personal experience, the answer is yes. I still want to die even though I know it’s not the answer..
It’s an odd combination for me. It just brings me back to suicideproject, always does. I’ve had ups and downs, times I wanted to live, but also times I wished to die. Regardless of my mood, listening to certain songs always brings me back to that peacefull place in my head. The same part of me that is constantly weighing life against death. The same part that brings me here..
Do you guys have songs like that? songs that just hit through everything and play with your soul?
In four days, it will all have been an entire year.
One year since I nearly commited suicide.
One year since I found my girlfriend here and she saved me.
And it’s that date, 27th of January, that I chose to make my final decision: Wether to live, or to die.
really quick recap of my life so far: I’m 17 years old. I’ve never been really a happy child and have a mother who expects a lot of me (though that has gotten better for some reason). My dad is a weird old person who lost his dad when he was twelve and his sister to […]
When I’m not doing something I feel like I can’t keep up with my very own mind. It seems to have a will of its own. I can’t controll what it’s thinking, I can’t controll what it’s feeling. It’s like I’m sitting behind the wheel of a speeding car and I don’t even know how to drive.
There’s two things that seem to slow down or focus my mind, drugs and music (when combined I tend to become music).
There doesn’t seem to be anyone in the world that feels this way. All people are either in controll, or they’re not, I’m just in the […]
I notice of myself that I need alcohol in order to be honest with people I talk to..
I even find it difficult to express myself on SP without being drunk. Like right now , I’m surrounded by 6 empty bottles of beer.
How do you guys do it? be honest with people, either here or in real life?
I’ve lost the skill, but I’m paranoid so it’s probably something to do with that
the reason I can bring myself to post on SP from time to time is because it feels the most like talking to a wall. there’s still that voice in my head telling me I’m going to be hated for doing it, telling me about how bad people will treat me if they see how weak I am.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the kind of guy who’s silently locked up in his corner, I talk to people. But I never tell them anything real, everything I say is a load of filler and if I do say something meaningfull, it’s never about me.
I’m […]
The more I think of it, the more I realise I just find 00134 and 222244 such soothing colours (the main blue purples of the website). they give me a feeling of being at home more than being in my home , is that just me being weird? I am loosing connection with the physyical world so it might be that, what do you guys think?
Don’t you guys just hate those days your almost paralysed by depression and nothing seems to be able to get you up. Not even a little bit. Always worrying about something.
I hate those days.. I really do hate them..
The new year has been hard on me… I lost my girlfriend I picked up right here on this exact website… She left me after finally realising what kind of a horrible man I am..
After the year of happyness I lived, I realised that maybe there simply is no way out for me. I hate myself for ruining my chances on happyness, I hate myself for what I’ve done to the people around me.
I have friends, but I don’t know if I can trust them with this information without losing them.
I’ve always been an outsider, I listen to the kind of music […]
hi,
to all the people who are reading this, I know how you are feeling. I’ve been suicidal for a very long time. I had set my date of death to 7th of july 2012. I did this to have some time to review if life was really worth it.
A lot has happened since the day I decided to kill myself. A friend of me pushed me to seek help which eventually led my to this site, suicideproject. I got here ironicly by looking for the logical suicide. I didn’t find that, but I did find this great community of likely minded people. I waisted […]
pfff :'( even after getting a girlfriend it still isn’t easy to live :'(
I love sophie dearly and I’ll not die because I want to be with her (it’s a long distance relationship) but hearing that I’m not allowed to drum anymore is just so crushing :'( I want to die so badly now. I can’t cut because that would dissapoint her 🙁 I’m just drunk instead 🙁 I shoudn’t look at drugs as the answers, but it just makes dealing with things so much easier :/
I’m a failure to everyone I hate myself :'( I should die shouldn’t I ? :/ I’m a […]
And as my pain settled over feeling lost, I started talking to my friend again. And I guess I got a bit pissed. I made her believe she hurt me 🙁 It hurt her and now she hates me xs
Why can’t I just deal with people the way I should ? Why do I always have to push away the people I care about. I’m a horrible person. I’m a horrible drunk, stoned, carving motherfuck. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself!!! I deserve to die 🙁 and if it weren’t for other people I can’t betray like that, I would 🙁
I’ve lost.
For months I’ve been playing russian roulette with my best friend. When wouldn’t she be there when I would need her.. Well, now. I will most likely fail but I will try to take my life tonight. Don’t stop me I want this and I probably don’t have the balls to do it anyway xs Cus I’m weak as always xs
Hi, I’ve been lurking around this site for the last few days . I keep returning to this site at random and I just don’t know why. I feel this need to help people because I can relate to their distress, but I just can’t bring myself to it because I’m just so afraid of saying something wrong and ruining their hope xs
I’m afraid of becoming obsessed with this place xs Is it wrong for me to stay here? All I want is another shot at trying to solve my mess and helping others seems to be quite an important part of it.
I’m afraid […]
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