Author

ravenna121

Pathetic, Worthless, Horrible

by ravenna121 7/7/2021

written by ravenna121

I think I’ve gone off the deep end.

In the time and place at which I am writing this, it is almost 4 in the afternoon. If I hadn’t intervened 3 hours ago, I would likely still be in bed right now, oscillating between being asleep and being awake. Last night I fell asleep at around 4:30 in the morning, and even then it took a lot of effort to close my eyes for good. I never thought I could be so pathetic.

I haven’t done anything all day. I have no energy for anything anymore. I can’t even do things that I had wanted to do. […]

7/7/2021 5 comments

I Want To Stop Thinking Altogether

by ravenna121 6/27/2021

written by ravenna121

MY MIND IS THE WORST!

I wish I could stop overthinking everything. I hate that I always make a mountain out of a molehill (sometimes even an anthill). It’s summer vacation but I’m still full of worries and I can’t tell whether or not they’re valid because I’m just too detatched from reality at this point.

Why am I so goddamn insecure? Why does my mind feel the need to compare me to others and make me feel infinitely inferior to them? Is it really accurate to think that I’m incredibly stupid, repulsively ugly, and undesirable in every way to be around? My insecurities are so awful […]

6/27/2021 2 comments

I Died Inside

by ravenna121 6/15/2021

written by ravenna121

I woke up today feeling absolutely dreadful. Getting up was so difficult to do; I was struggling in bed just wanting to sleep or, better yet, to die. I knew that I was going to be late to Homeroom but I didn’t care. It took me around ten minutes just to get my laptop from the drawer of the nightstand next to my bed.

It’s so beautiful outside, but it feels wrong. The stunning appearance of experience is a deceitful facade that conceals its horrors. I’m looking out the window right now and thinking, “How is it that the world has so many beautiful things in […]

6/15/2021 1 comment

Incoherent Ramblings

by ravenna121 6/12/2021

written by ravenna121

Everything is so sad and depressing. I don’t know what to do with my existence, how to pass the meaningless time during which I’m awake. I could read one of my books or learn more physics, but I’ve lost interest in both of them. Those things gave me life, and now I feel dead. My dreams don’t help; they only provide me with more depressing thoughts. No wonder I’m afraid to sleep and keep staying up past midnight.

My 16th birthday is in only a matter of weeks. I’m so old, and yet I’ve done nothing with my life. I’ve been afraid of my birthday since […]

6/12/2021 2 comments

Suicide Sooner

by ravenna121 6/8/2021

written by ravenna121

Existing is so painful. I’m severely depressed and very mentally disturbed. I can’t find it in me to do anything anymore. I should be writing my chemistry notes right now to secure a passing grade on my upcoming exam, but my depressed self keeps saying “Fuck it”. I can’t even get myself to read all of those books that I was excited to read after finishing my AP exams. They’re just sitting there on my desk as reminders of how much of a pathetic time waster I am. And I tried to tell my dad about everything that’s going on but he just […]

6/8/2021 2 comments

Things are Getting Awful

by ravenna121 6/2/2021

written by ravenna121

I’m so sick and tired of living this nightmare that is my life. I have been deprived of all happiness and feel nothing but pain. Life is a terror and bad things keep happening to me. I don’t feel safe at all. I’m not even me anymore. My mind is deteriorating and I have trouble thinking straight at times. I feel extreme, unbearable anxiety that makes me feel like I’m dying. I loathe myself and wish I never existed. I wish I had been fucking aborted at least, goddamnit. Things will never get better. There’s no way out at this point; it’s too late to […]

6/2/2021 3 comments

Nothing to Live For

by ravenna121 5/29/2021

written by ravenna121

I hate being alive. I’d kill myself, but my parents would freak out and my siblings/friends would be sad. So I literally only live because other people expect me to…

This lack of meaning in my life has led me to focus excessively on the superficial things such as how I look, what I have, and what other people think of me. The raging philosopher in me condemns this, but I can’t help it.

Whenever something goes wrong or I experience a setback in my life now, I get so upset, as if every good thing in my life has gone. I guess the feeling is kind […]

5/29/2021 4 comments

I Think I’m a Garbage Human

by ravenna121 4/28/2021

written by ravenna121

I’ve hurt lots of people, albeit unintentionally. At school. During activities. On the internet. I didn’t think I was doing anything bad. I didn’t realize. I never do. It’s so difficult for me to understand how others feel and are affected by things, at least not until it’s too late. Even when I’m told that something that I said or did was wrong, I often either can’t understand why it was unacceptable or why it was so to such a great extent. I’ve been called a bully, and I didn’t understand why. I was angry and upset at the label. Even though I went out […]

4/28/2021 3 comments

I’m a Failure.

by ravenna121 4/25/2021

written by ravenna121

I feel like I haven’t done anything with my life and that others have accomplished more than I have and live happier, more fulfilling lives. Everyone else is already engaged in and/or good at multiple things. But me? I waste all of my time and get nothing of importance accomplished. And I can’t stop because I lack motivation and nothing I do feels important. People always say that I’m a really smart kid but that’s bullshit. Maybe I was, but that would’ve been a long time ago, before I became an absolute failure of a human being. I’m not good at anything. My […]

4/25/2021 3 comments