A Monster Named Chimera

Think about it, my life means nothing,
absolutely nothing,
but there are many and many ppl who wanted to live a bit more, have more time in this shitty world
why can’t I trade my life for theirs? life could be theirs, and i would have my sweet sweet death, win-win, and the world could even forget my existence! how beautiful would it be, finally on death’s embrace while knowing that your miserable useless existence at least saved someone.

Sometimes i ask myself that, when did i become such a loser, when did I lost all will to live, when did I get these social problems? when did I get so ugly, so ridiculous, so egoistic? When I got so fucking wrong? So lost, so miserable, so fucking useless. When was the last time that I felt safe inside this piece of meat? Inside my own mind.
I JUST WANT TO CEASE EXISTING WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT? why can’t I just kill myself? WHY?
no one would miss me, my family, my friends, none of them need me, and their lives wont change, […]

I have been having a depressed episode for a while now, so, I am back in here. I’m just asking bc its sad to be alone these times, and maybe some of you just want to hear/read it. so…

Have you been well? are you healthy? Have you been taking care of yourself?

I know we all feel that no ones really care, but, if even for a moment, i can care about you a little bit, will it make it better for you?
These lonely days have been hard, i know it. I know it, I know the pain, the loneliness, the despair, i know […]

I’m the only one who read these posts, of people reaching for the finale. And the only thing I can think is “Go on! You can do it!” Or ” Don’t give up, you can finish this”, “life isn’t for us anyway” etc, etc?

I can’t lie about this, not even for myself. We maybe would be better dead.

I have seen so many people in this site do this, just give themselves to the eternal darkness. How?
I have tried twice in the last week, one with a rope, and now with a knife. But the strength just left my arms every time i try, my mind gets foggy, my soul gets empty. I turn myself in a stone, just looking at the damn knife in my hands, paralyzed. I have been crying for weeks now. A empty cry, pure despair, fear, and loneliness. I live now so far from any friend or family, no one would ever find me here. And yet… […]

We only exist to suffer, and those you see that are happy, arent real, we are all damned to exist and suffer

How many times have i done this? Why does not God take me? It’s not like I make a difference here, it only tortures me, and compared to that, I prefer hell. If only I could die … you know? for real? disappear, without heaven, without hell, only nothingness, and never again to be aware of myself again. dude … why? life is not worth it, I am no good to anyone, there will not be a war for my sake, there will not be anyone who will be saved by me, there will not be anything I can do to help anyone. then why? […]

Im feeling like not good enough to be white and not black enough to be poor.
My country has some things that they try to do to remend the social problems.
Like try to help nigers by giving they some money.
The problem is, im a child of a black woman and a white men, and i cant be from either sides. I have a white skin, but extremely curly hair and brown eyes.
They judge the white ones as “always inteligent and rich” and the black ones as “always idiots and poors”
…. I cant reach the white type.
And cant be the […]

I cant sleep
Too much tension. I feel my little world being distorted again. I think that the worst thing for someone with a mind illness, is when things change.
When you are depressed, struggling, you cant hold much on your mind. It is hard to function like a human. Then your life as life always do, changes, throw you off of your routine. To stabilize then, is one of the hardest things to do.
Im seeing my world crack. And i dont know how i can survive.
How i will even eat ? How i will take care of things? My mind still asking […]

Could be, this mental health on the human population be an consequence of the hiper-population of the planet?
And if these suicidal people are a natural way of the world to control us? Like a escape valve? It is his way to control this health problem that the planet has right now?

… Im crazy?

Dont you agree?

You need it dont you?
The death hand running through your body,
Making everything stop gently,
Your body cant move anymore,
Youre getting sleepy….
You cant see anymore, dont you?
You cant hear me now…
Slowly you lost the last bit of yourself
Finally…
Youre dead

Some people need problems to get depressed, some people need that the money, friend, lover, family leave them for think in suicide.
Some like me just dont have this kind of problems, i just cant fell happy, and all those meds dont help, i feel more and more numb and helpless, life got no meaning, and i CANT Feel love for anyone at all… Its like, yeah, i like this person, but, if he\she dies, i wont grief at all… I dont know what kind of problem i have, but this isnt just depression… Its something more… Maybe im already dead…

I was thinking… About a bunch of things, when i reallized that maybe, some people like me werent supossed to be born at all, maybe humanity broke the life system, the destiny system, were lost because we werent supposed to be here, our goal were to be dead at some point of our lives, but we survived, and we crashed the game system.

How are you guys?
Im… Kind of feeling useless
I cant stop thinking that life is meaningless
I need to maintain my love for god and this shit of earth,for my sanity sake, but i cant! Not like this… I need a ****** reason!