Want to play the f57 whale challenge, just to see if it could make me do it finally
StarryEyed
Its been a while, I ended up in hospital and I’m on a programme now and on meds again but self harm is once again at the fore front of my mind
Why can’t she understand sometimes the only thing that stops me killing myself is my ability to self harm.
The need to self harm is like an itch under the skin that I try to dig out with the sharpest of friends
I deserve to die I’m scum, I’ve hurt so many, in unforgivable ways, I’m irredeemable, unforgivable scum.
Can’t stop cutting myself up. Dont really know if I want to. Its never been this bad before, feels like its just getting worse.
I overdosed yesterday and slashed my wrists up. Just got back from hospital. They’re taking me to sessions for a couple of days to see if I need to be sectioned for my own protection. Should of cut deeper.
If you tell a Dr in the UK you’re actively planning suicide, can they tell people without your consent if you’re an adult? More importantly If you carry out said suicide attempt, and get hospitalized can the hospital inform my family without my consent?
Someone offered to buy me the equipment to kill myself yesterday. If I get to it and can’t afford it I’ll take him up on it.
Got a noose in front of me. Its so tempting to try again, I chickened out this morning but if I fail again the burst blood vessels in my face will give my attempts away
I’m worrying all the time. I don’t know how to quiet down my fears.I’m increasingly turning to drugs and alcohol to get through the day.
But I’m trying to make positive changes, every morning I work out and walk about 9/10k steps a day, I’m eating better. But at the same time I’m restricting my calories ‘too extremes’, more conscious than ever, more suicidal than ever. I don’t know what it means or what to tell the doctors, in some ways I’m better, others I’m not. I dunno what to do.
Seems like the system is trying to get us to kill ourselves there isn’t a day I don’t think about suicide, or self harm. I feel like since that’s where the system wants me who am I to argue? Everything else will be a struggle if I fight against it, so why try to?
A friend said they wouldn’t try to stop me killing myself, not in a mean way but as more of a act of kindness they’d just want to be there for me in the end. Idk how that makes me feel.
I’ve proved to myself again I can’t get anything right
Can’t stop thinking about suicide I’m a knifes edge away some days. I hate never knowing what I might do.
I need to scream, to hit, to cry, but I can’t all I can do is lay here tense and unmoving as I think about how much of a useless waste of space I am I don’t know what to do Ive stopped eating most days I just need to feel something i dont feel alive I feel dead already. If I could let it show I’d just be hitting myself screaming, or crying, but I can’t I’m trapped in my own body it won’t let me feel anything. I just want to feel something that isn’t emptiness or racing thoughts
I just feel so empty
There’s […]
Moved bk to my bedroom do I don’t have to put on a front I feel like I can’t breath but that there’s nothing to be done about it. Like I need to scream but I can’t make myself. Its like I’m trapped in my own disgusting body and there’s nothing I can do. Can’t even seem to cry rn. I don’t know who I can talk to. Everything’s so tense.
Its amazing how oblivious people are
I kissed him, I didn’t panic, I didn’t have flashbacks, I’m proud of myself, just don’t want to rush anything I’m far from stable yet.