I’ve never been so done with a day. Today, was easily the worst day of my life. So many tears, so many cuts and so many wishes to be dead.
Just don’t know how to do it but I’m so fucking ready.
As of tonight, I don’t know what family is. My mom walked out on my family sept. 29th, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one still in so much pain from that. She’s off with the guy she was having an affair with, I still talk to her but she’s changed it will never be the same. My dad was doing good, he planned a trip to Toronto to visit who I thought was his family. Turns out he’s going to visit an old girlfriend… Not impressed. Why? He hasn’t told me. He hasn’t told me he booked a ticket, he didn’t tell me who […]
I’m sick and tired of feeling like shit.
My mom walked out on my dad and I a month ago tonight, and is now renting a house with the man she was having an affair with. I still see her like twice a week, and she wants me to live with her some of the time. Fuck that, her… boyfriend? friend? I don’t know… creeps the fuck out of me. I get the most uncomfortable feeling around him, and he was trying to “talk sense” into me like he was my father and I lost it. My mom even called him my dad and I yelled […]
I came home from work today, knowing my mom wasn’t happy. I figured she got in a fight with my dad or something, it was oh so much worse then that. I arrive home and they sit me down. Straight up tell me they’re getting a divorce, and my mom is leaving tonight. Why? She’s been having an affair with one of their friends and got caught by HIS wife. I kept asking if it was a joke, nope it wasn’t a joke. I broke down and left to a friends house for a few hours. When I return home, my mom was gone and […]
I haven’t been on this in months. I often read peoples stories though. I jut wanted to take the time to blog this. I’ve never heard of anyone in my community taking their own life until tonight. I got the message telling me that someone I had went to school with killed himself. I don’t know why, I don’t know him very well, but I know it happened. It’s hard to believe and just to have this pain in my side is letting me know its real. It’s hard to believe, Rest in paradise my friend, you had the guts to do what I’ve never […]
I haven’t been on this website since April. Holy moly is that ever a long stretch.
Just needed something to vent onto.
I’ve had a countdown for 200+ days until my friend came home from a school exchange from Spain. She came home on the 22nd, I was very excited to see her.
On the 20th of June I had surgery on my throat and nose, that caused me a lot of pain that I am extremely good at hiding. I was and still am in constant pain but no one ever comments on it because they think I am just that strong. Â I found […]
I am beyond done with school. I’m not doing well in it, and i’m lonely as hell. It’s been like this for the past 3 years and I have one grade to go. I don’t want to do it, i’m just plain afraid to do it. Getting pushed away from your friends because you don’t fit in with the group they’re friends with isn’t fair at all in my perspective. I’ve tried changing my attitude, and EVERYTHING about myself. But I don’t want to try so many fake appearances anymore. I want people to enjoy who I am, for me. Not who they want me […]
It’s been a while since I ranted on here. No I haven’t really been doing better. I’ve just been avoiding it.
Life’s hard, no one around me understands it therefor I never have anyone to talk to about it. If I were to try to tell my “best friend” about it, she would turn it around about how bad her life is. She doesn’t get it. My daily routine is go to school – get told how much I suck at every subject – return home, and be super lonely – sleep for around 4 hours and repeat. It’s not healthy, and is definitely not […]
I went away for 3 days, to visit my sister at her university. It was a nice break from my parents. They’ve never really been the best to me. I had an awesome time, I returned in such good spirits because when I was over there I didn’t have  a care in the world. I was in a different city, a good 4 hours from where I live. I barely texted anyone so it was just a clear-mind vacation (I know it was only 3 days) So that was fun, but as soon as I get home they start being rude. My parents like to […]
It doesn’t matter how good or upbeat my days are,
When night strikes and i’m all alone I just want to bury myself in a hole and never come out.
._.
I hate life.
I’m not too sure what to do anymore. Nights are the worst for this constant depression, days aren’t too bad because if i’m at work I don’t have time to think about them. I have to wear long sleeves at work though, weather it be hot or cold out just because  my scars and cuts make me a little insecure. But that’s not bad. Just lately, it’s been getting worse. I do NOT want to kill myself. I mean, I think it would just make all the pain go away but i want to see what live has to show me. I’ve been thinking lately […]
I’m so sick and tired of being left behind.
I don’t really no how to describe it. I am just done with everything.
No one really knows how upset I am. I’ve never told anyone why I am like this. Most people, don’t notice how depressed I am. It’s starting to take it’s toll on me though. I stay up until 4am daily now, get as much sleep as I can, repeat. I am constantly tired because I just, don’t… do anything. I mope around my house. The only things i’ve been able to think about today, is how horrible my life is compared to […]
I don’t really have much to say. I am just so sick and tired of everything ._.
I feel like I have no friends, they all ditched me the other day and I was just left somewhere alone with nothing to do and no way home. It was nice.
I have 2 best friends, and they’re both currently in different time zones. One is in Spain, 9 hour time difference. And the other is is New York, 3 hour time difference. They are never awake at the same time as me and it’s just hard to have someone to talk to, when they’re always too […]
I think I’m starting to go insane ._.
I’ve hit rock bottom tonight, I am so unhappy with everything.
I literally just smashed my head with a textbook a few times, took some melatonin and a bunch of advil in hopes it would make me tired. My head hurts now. Judge me if you will, I don’t care anymore. At this point I just want to die.
I don’t come onto this website to plead for your guys’ sympathy. Just want to get that out there.
I reach out to this website because I have absolutely no-one to tell in real life. I don’t enjoy harsh words towards me when it is about my problems, how I feel, or how “stupid” my situation sounds. But I do choose to post them instead of just erasing them because I love to hear your input, and perhaps even gain a friend or two from it.
Anyhow~ Â I just want to go on the longest rant of my life. And share some stuff. I’ve been depressed […]
Have you ever fallen for someone you’ve never met? By this, I mean someone you constantly talk to over skype or the internet of some sort?
If you haven’t, then you don’t know the kind of pain i’m going through.
It’s pure emotional attachment, which is the worst when it feels like you’re getting pushed away, like you’re not good enough.
My feelings exactly. And I can’t sleep now because of it, instead, I sit here doing the worst.
Forever not being able to sleep and having nothing better to do then rant on the internet.
I feel like death because of almost everyone I know and no one has ever bothered to ask me what was wrong.
I’ve been like this for 3 years. It’s not a pleasant feeling, as most of you probably know.
I need to stop putting people before me and concentrate on my own well being for once, but I don’t think that will ever happen.
I am too concentrated on making me more socially acceptable. Even if that means less eating, and changing myself far too much.
I […]