I don’t know why I go on anymore, it’d be easiest to give it a fucking rest and be the recluse I’m meant to be. I just drag myself through this hell again and again. I have nobody else to blame but myself for the way I feel. I just wish sometimes I wasn’t so alone, but the thing is that it’s my fault and there’s no good excuse for it. Most days I can force the smile on my face to be real enough that even I believe it, for a time at least. The thing is that no matter how long I smile […]
Hey everyone. It’s good being back here. Possibly the only place (non-physical of course) I can share how I feel from my point of view with complete honesty and no negative repercussions. I know all of the people who read this post don’t give a flying fuck what a kid in Iowa’s going through, and I don’t blame you. Most of the time I just like to ignore it all and forget who I am, how pathetic my life is, and how useless it all is. Death is inevitable, the only thing that is a constantly changing variable between people is when they die, and […]
I could really use some help. Lately I’ve been unable to sleep normally and I can’t stop freaking out over the littlest things in my life. I have to go outside and do something constantly or I get really anxious and want to scream. I can’t sleep at night because it feels like I have enough adrenaline in my body to kill a bull. I also feel lonely constantly because my two best friend (who are dating one another) are either busy, together, or in another state like my female best friend will be for a bit. So I’m going to be alone for the […]
I kissed her and I don’t regret doing it for a Goddamn second. I love her and if I get my ass kicked or anything like that for it I’ll do it a thousand times again. She kissed back and it’s probably the best thing that’s happened to me since smileemptysoul. I understand she doesn’t love me. If her boyfriend ever sees this I’ll have my ass kicked. I won’t deny that. I feel better now than I have in a long time. More free, more happy, more alive, than I have in months. She’s taken, and she says she may not have me, but […]
I can’t sleep until like one o’clock anymore because I don’t know. I just stay up at night with all of this energy and I feel like I need to go fight somebody or run a few miles. I can’t though. I have to stay at home and try and sleep. It happens during the day too, I’ll just feel cooped up and I have to do something, anything at all to get rid of the energy. I’ve literally never had problems like this before and now it won’t stop. I get angry for no reason and I start to freak out and all sorts […]
I cared about her so much and she threw it away. It was my fault but goddammit that doesn’t make it hurt less. I’m such an ass. I made her do things she didn’t want to and I ruined it. I… I’m a selfish prick… I’m going to cry and wish I could die tonight, but I won’t. I’m better than that. But this won’t stop hurting. not for a long time. This burns. Hollywood Undead. Black Dahlia. Most of it applies, but not all. Fuck. I care so much about her. I just want to make her happy. I thought I’d be okay being […]
Anyone else who is negatively affected by the summer break? Like me because I’m all alone most of the time? School as much as anyone can hate it was a place to socialize for me and with it gone I feel like I’m hated and realize that all of the people I talked to in school aren’t real friends, they’re just people that I talked to and joked around with. There’s a lot worse than that but I hate it. I stay up at night (like I am right now) because I just can’t get the voices inside of me to shut up. I just […]
I need help but screaming wouldn’t save me even if I could
Who would go to my funeral if I did it, if I really went through with it? Would they cry, spend a day mourning me like they did him? Or would I be another statistic in this world, another person put through the machine and spat back out? Would they think I was weak, would they respect me, would they talk about me, would they feel guilt for all the thing’s they should’ve and shouldn’t have said? Would my cousin cry? Would she? Would he? Where would I end up, who would lay me down to rest, and who would speak the final words, what […]
Is God there? I mean, there are tons of different opinions on this and any of them could be right. I honestly don’t invest anything in God or any other kind of religion. I mean if there was something out there why would we be here? Why would the site exist? Why would he punish us with whatever’s wrong with us? It doesn’t make sense to me but you know… I guess you could say some shit about the bible or whatever but honestly most of the bible is basically justifying why God doesn’t do anything, so it kinda sounds like a crock of shit to anyone with a cynical […]
Hello my fellow SP users, this is your neighborhood unlicensed, untrained, and not so neighborly therapist. I hope some of you may remember my post from a while back. If not let me refresh your memory, it was an explanation of addiction and depression and other mental disorders such as OCD. I never told you all my story. The first time I can ever remember being suicidal was when I was ten years old or so, my brother and sister had been picking on me and my mom had yelled at me for it, I felt like hell and I wished desperately that the issues […]
Every day of my life I think about suicide, even just in passing. I hear people talk about it as if the know a damn thing about how it feels to prefer the inky blackness of the nothing that comes after death over life. I have one person in this world that keeps me going and some days she’s what gets me up in the morning. I can’t be certain I deserve this fate or that I don’t deserve it, but I am aware that I have no choice in the matter. I’ll explain why I’m here in the first place though, I am an […]
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