Author

TheRoadSoFar

Tonight’s One of those Nights

by TheRoadSoFar 7/6/2016

written by TheRoadSoFar

There’s been a lot of stuff going through my mind as I lay dying (no pun intended) in my hell hole (AKA my bed) for the past 24 hours. Ultimately I reached a point in which there’s a question I can’t answer on my own: If I feel a friendship is too one sided should I end that friendship?

Because that’s how I feel with pretty much most of my “closest friends”, although I’m not sure if I should call them that anymore. I mean, maybe it’s just me and I’m overthinking stuff yet again (I also discovered recently that I’ve developed anxiety, so maybe that […]

7/6/2016 2 comments

Dear diary…

by TheRoadSoFar 6/13/2016

written by TheRoadSoFar

The past week or so has been a living nightmare for me, and I believe it’s going to be like that for quite a while. Up until now I’ve felt that my life is a long dark tunnel, except that I can’t see the light at the end. Just dark. It sounds like a cliché, but somehow that’s the best way I’ve found to describe it. Like if the same air that everyone breathes chokes me, while everybody else can breathe with no problem at all. I just wish there would be somebody that could notice there is something wrong with me without having to […]

6/13/2016 1 comment

Distant dreams & hopes

by TheRoadSoFar 6/2/2016

written by TheRoadSoFar

One of the best advices I can give you is this: Don’t have high expectations or dreams, because the more you have them, the more you will be fond of them. And when something doesn’t go as planned, boy you will fall hard.

My last dream was going to Canada this summer with my friends. I don’t know why I had a dream of such magnitude when everything else I have dreamed of has failed utterly, but still I did like an innocent child. Of course thinga never go as you want to. So now everybody is going to Canada but me. All I can […]

6/2/2016 3 comments

Against the Current

by TheRoadSoFar 5/1/2016

written by TheRoadSoFar

I’m starting to believe that even life doesn’t want me here. I find it funny how you can think you’ve hit the bottom and can’t go lower than that, but then you do. You sink further down into the abyss.

My family and my social life are falling apart. We’re economically fucked, I will get kicked out of school if we can’t pay the tuition (we owe like 3,000 dollars and that number will continue to go up if we don’t pay in time). The only place where I considered myself as “not so useless” (even though being good in school means nothing in real life; […]

5/1/2016 1 comment

So close, yet so far away

by TheRoadSoFar 3/30/2016

written by TheRoadSoFar

I think one of the few good things (if not the best) that have happened to me since I got to highschool was meeting my current best friend. She really changed my life. I’ve become somewhat of a more “open” person in some aspects. She somehow makes me feel grateful for what I have in my life. Sadly, today is not one of those days. There’s still an issue that’s been going in and off of my mind for the past year or so.

I feel like I shouldn’t be her best friend. I feel like we shouldn’t be best friends. I feel that, even though […]

3/30/2016 1 comment

Oh the scars…

by TheRoadSoFar 2/20/2016

written by TheRoadSoFar

I cut (yet again) about 3 hours ago after 2 years of having gotten over it. Yeah, it sucks… I did it in the middle of a party. I was the only depressed asshole there and no one noticed or gave a damn.

So… yeah… how much time does it take for a scar to heal?

2/20/2016 4 comments

Revelations

by TheRoadSoFar 2/12/2016

written by TheRoadSoFar

It’s true that for some people having a dream is wonderful. Pursuing that dream is the “vital support” that gives them the will to continue on, that gives them the strength to keep getting better and better, and with each day that goes on, they get closer to fulfilling it.

But what if you’re just not meant to fulfill that dream?… What if for whatever reason you simply don’t have the motivation to go on? What if something out of nowhere just holds you from fulfilling it?

Call it whatever you want to call it. Luck. Fate. I don’t believe in any of those things, […]

2/12/2016 3 comments

Why am I unable to cry?

by TheRoadSoFar 1/16/2016

written by TheRoadSoFar

I’ve been trying to cry for more than a month but somehow I can’t. I’ve had the idea that crying could possibly make me feel a little better, but I can’t, I can only let off some tears but that’s it.

1/16/2016 3 comments

Happy Holidays

by TheRoadSoFar 12/25/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

If you’re reading this, I hope you had (or have) a really good time, and I hope you find the happiness that has eluded me for way too long.

12/25/2015 4 comments

Hanging in suspense

by TheRoadSoFar 11/25/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

I hate myself.

I think I’m falling in love with a very close friend, who doesn’t love me back, naturally. But she doesn’t know it.
At the same time, I’ve been sort of in love with my best friend, who, of course, doesn’t love me back in that way. But she doesn’t know it either. She is in love with a guy who also is in love with her. But he’s an idiot.
Still, he knows… I’ve never talked to him ever, but somehow he knew instantly that I’m in love with the 2 other girls I mentioned. I don’t know how. He just knew it […]

11/25/2015 1 comment

Three Cheers for Another Wasted Year

by TheRoadSoFar 11/13/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

I’m almost 17 now. Yay for me, I guess. The only thing I can possibly feel proud about is the fact that I’ve made it this far, because honestly I didn’t think I would reach 17. Or maybe I did, but I didn’t want to; I’m too coward to let go off everything.

Hooray for another year in which I accomplished absolutely nothing worthy.
Hooray for another year of constant failures and hollow feelings.
Hooray for another year in which I lost more people whom I loved.

Hooray for me…

11/13/2015 3 comments

Wasting time

by TheRoadSoFar 9/28/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

I really wish I could talk about this with anybody, but I know it’s not a good idea. It never was. It will never be. Empathy and caring are just fantasies or lies people tell you to make you feel you are living a better life.

I see people of my same age around me that excel at one thing, or even more. They can do whatever they like. And then there I am, a good for nothing fuck. Every time I try something, I fail. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just never meant to be. I could write a book with a list of […]

9/28/2015 3 comments

Issues

by TheRoadSoFar 9/19/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

I’ve been going on and off this site for the past few days wanting to say something, but I just can’t find the way to do it. I’ve been having a lot of problems lately, and it seems I’m falling into depression once again, like if happiness was nothing but a dream, and when you think you’re grasping it, it just gets away from you. The only thing that I’m certain of is that I’m alone yet again, or I’m about to be. Alcohol wasn’t the solution to my problems, and I found out that the harsh way. Apparently I’m replaceable too; I’m noticing I […]

9/19/2015 1 comment

You’ll laugh at this

by TheRoadSoFar 6/9/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

It’s like fucking 5 o’ clock in the morning, a time in which normal people can sleep right? Well screw that! What a better time than this? This just happened to me.

I was talking to my best friend (and unluckily for me I’m in love with her). That’s why I’m awake.

So yeah, things were going normal until she said “I love you” and lots of hearts. For some reason I knew she wasn’t the one who was sending those messages. But then again you couldn’t imagine how happy I was.

Guess what? I was right. I then received a voice message that said it wasn’t […]

6/9/2015 4 comments

I can’t stand it anymore

by TheRoadSoFar 6/5/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

What should I do now? I remember this time a year ago, when I was on vacations from school for 2 weeks. I remember those 2 weeks were the worst days on my life. For 14 days I didn’t go out of my home. I would stay hours or days laying on my bed, doing nothing at all, constantly checking if I had any kind of message or something that meant that anybody thought of me in those days. Well guess what? No one did. I’m in a similar situation right now, but worse.

I finished a semester in school, […]

6/5/2015 1 comment

Popularity

by TheRoadSoFar 5/22/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

There’s something that has been bugging me lately, and I would like some of your advices here.

One of my biggest problems is that I’m a nobody (or at least I feel like it). If I died today no one would know who the hell I was or they would forget about me pretty quickly. I have friends, but I often feel like I’m left apart, or that I don’t fit in. And there are a lot of people who I’d like to talk to or I would have liked to, but they don’t even know I exist. People who […]

5/22/2015 2 comments

Is it worth it?

by TheRoadSoFar 4/26/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

Is it worth it to be sad for loving someone who doesn’t love you back?
Is it worth it to hear all about how much she loves that guy, when in reality all you want is for her to love you?
Is it worth it to hear every single day about that guy that she loves so much, just to not lose her friendship?
Is it worth it to be everyday, every hour, at her side, faking to be okay, when in reality you’re in pain?
Is it worth it to keep the fact that I love her so much as a secret so that […]

4/26/2015 7 comments

I just need to do it

by TheRoadSoFar 2/2/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

Don’t read this if you don’t want to. I don’t expect people to do it. I just need to summarize the past months to see where I fucked up once again.

I started highschool, alone, like always.
People came to me asking why was I alone and if I wanted to be with them.
I befriended them.
I started meeting more and more people. They all seemed really nice.
Probably I fell in love with someone.
All my friends are “divided” into 2 different groups.

Group 1.
-The girl I accidentally fell in love with even when I know I will never accomplish anything.
-The girl’s best […]

2/2/2015 2 comments

Well… fuck

by TheRoadSoFar 2/1/2015

written by TheRoadSoFar

Damn man, this seems like routine. I remember when I said “things get better”… Well, sweet sweet irony. I guess I ate my words huh?

I feel horrible again, and I don’t know anymore if it’s my fault or if it’s someone else’s. I feel alone, waaay worse than before. I can’t go back to cutting, and I can’t say a god fucking word to anyone. I’m lost…

2/1/2015 3 comments

Now what?

by TheRoadSoFar 9/6/2014

written by TheRoadSoFar

I haven’t been here in a while, since I have had a period of happiness. Or at least I thought I had it.
I recently got into highschool. I decided to change schools, since everyone in my past school were either complete idiots or were indifferent with my existence (my so called friends). I always felt alone and depressed. And it was worse when someone was with me, saying things like “I’m there for you”. It hurt the most because those were fake words, and people just could say them like if it was nothing, and then they could just walk away, making me feel […]

9/6/2014 7 comments

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