thewolf56

Another issue that I have never addressed on this site is my romantic life. Mainly because this site is not the safest place to talk about personal things, as I have no idea who any of you are and things could get dangerous. If you have those intentions, just know that I am ready. However, my Mom always told me that I assume the best in people so here I am trusting a bunch of like-minded individuals on the internet.

I love women. I love talking to them, their soothing voices, their caring complex, and of course the other things that a man enjoys in the […]

Funny reading some of my older posts on here from a few years ago. Not sure why I always felt the need to excuse my inner demons with excuses such as “I live a good life, I have nothing to worry about”. Even if I did live the perfect life, we can’t help how we feel.

I’ve known who I am for a while. While I am trying to be more accepting of it, that doesn’t change any suicidal feelings. Whatever I am feeling, it must be chronic. I’ve thought of suicide at least once a day since I was a young child and that is […]

I do know that I want to have a child someday. That is my sole purpose for me to keep on living. But wouldn’t it be wrong for a child to be my only purpose to keep going?

I don’t know why it would specifically be wrong, but I don’t want to screw things up with my future child and this has been on my mind lately.

Let me know what y’all think.

So I found an interesting trend. It’s stupid that I’ve never noticed this before. As soon as I am even slightly hungry I lose all energy, immediately think about death, and cut myself off from everything. Satisfy said hunger and I am in a confident and happy mood instantly until I’m hungry again. I’m thinking something along the lines of diabetes?

I’m always looking for answers. I now know that food and my parents have something to do with this. Eating, music, working out, smoking cigars, hard physical labor, keeping myself busy and learning about things I enjoy are some of the temporary solutions that I […]

At the end of the day, I wouldn’t change the way I feel. In a weird way, I enjoy being like this. It drags my life down, it hurts me, and that’s exactly what I love about it. I hate myself and enjoy these bad things. Not sure if others feel the same way.

Y’all keep on keeping’ on

I have so much confidence, that I want to spray it on the walls! My confidence would create a splendid wonder. Onto both walls and ceiling, I would show them all what I feel like.

I am so happy. If it could, this feeling would spread all over the room. Covering the furniture, paintings, even the window! I would show them all what I feel like.

My oh my, how beautiful I feel. It shows on my arms, where my feelings have traveled time and time again. Such beauty have I, the magnitude of it would be released as easily as the flick of a finger.

Dear Mom and Dad

I didn’t […]

I have a lot of free time this summer. Since I can’t help out with the family business, because I need to “relax” and “have a life”, my few days home have been full of emptiness. I’ve got fully settled in, the new bed is comfy but I’m still not sure if I like the new layout of the house. My significant other refuses to leave her house. I wonder if she is going through similar bouts, if so it is because she hates her hometown even more so than I. I have no motivation to help.

Having struggled for the last few months through school, […]

Made it through the end of the semester. Got the grades/GPA I needed. Just got accepted into business school. I am going to push myself and pursue a double-major. Decided to spend the summer back home and help out with the family business. However I get back to a different family than the one I had left. They want us to all quit working so hard, and spend all summer working on a newly-acquired family lakehouse. The lakehouse is close-ish to my college and I am told I can use the place whenever I want.

He has a gun closet in his bathroom. 2 shotguns (1 […]

It gets worse when good things happen. Not that I felt good when I got rejected to the business school at my university, but it did give me a reason to continue existence. Waking up knowing that I have a purpose.

Yet I just accepted a great job offer, am sitting in my living room with the love of my life, and feel worse than I ever have before. We are both wearing nice clothes, ready to go out on the town, and that is what depresses me most. I know I will get accepted to the business school once I re-apply, but I worry something […]

I love watching movies, and I am needing some new ones. Movies that make you feel something whether that be horror, happiness, sadness, etc. Getting to the point where I feel like I’ve seen most of the good ones. If anybody has any good suggestions I would appreciate it.

The misspelling was intentional.

Not sure why, being as successful of a man as he is, but dad isn’t the greatest writer. During a big event in my life, he wrote me a letter telling me that “You are the defination” of my family name. As I look at the letter lying on my desk, and how much it meant to me for years, it now curses my existence. A few months ago, he gave me parting words the exact opposite than the ones from before. Now every night I drink and re-read those words, yet now it is in a different context.

I have aspirations. At […]

I actually have a pretty good life. I go to a nice university (paid for by parents), have a nice car (paid for by parents), girlfriend of several years I am more than happy with. I’m involved a lot on campus, have good enough grades, and lately I have been getting job offers left and right.

Don’t know why I feel so empty. Sure I am good at faking my ambition to appease my parents, but truly I feel I have no purpose. I get home at night, and I just spend all of my time getting drunk and planning my suicide. I’ve attempted several times […]