So, I’ve been happy. But things still don’t go how I need them to. Â Trevor will talk to me, of course. He even jokes with me and stuff. But he also still goes out with Kendall. But still. I wish it was me in her place. Gosh. The sad thing is that he doesn’t have a “type”. I can’t figure out what it is that he likes in a girl! He has dated girls that are nothing alike! None of them have anything in common. Anyway, it’s not like it would matter anyway. If he doesn’t like me, good for him. I’m not going to […]
I found the light, but I don’t have a fucking clue what to do with it. XD I really don’t. I’m not joking. I’m happy, but I feel like there’s got to be something more to it than this. My head is spinning from all the ideas of where  to go with my life now that I’ve cleared the road.  I just don’t know. I feel deep in my heart, somehow, I feel like I need, yes, I said need to tell Trevor what I feel about him. Strange, I know, but since I gave my life to God, I get these feelings sometimes, and when I […]
I don’t know what to say. Damn, I woke up and I felt like this automatically. I don’t love myself. I hate myself. I’ve fucked everything up somehow. I can’t do anything right, I’m ugly, and I”m fat. I always thought that guys would like me more because I am the way I am. I play video games all the time. I’m not girly. I like the color pink, and I like makeup, etc., but I love hunting, and I want to be a vet when I’m older. I’m pretty smart, I guess. I take Pre-AP classes, and I’ve kept all A’s all year, every […]
Honestly. I have such a broken heart, even if I’m 13. Who the fuck cares? I can’t feel loss at “such a young age”?? You try living my life, see what YOU think this is. I’m not weak. I was weak once. But I grew up. That’s right. 8 years old. My grandpa died, I had to grow up. Within 5 minutes, I was completely mature. I had to be. My grandma just lost it. I had to take care of my little sister. Of course, I was barking orders, but I had to. I pushed the feelings down. I was a drill sergeant for […]
So, I feel better every time I get on here, but I still feel terrible nonetheless. I’ve never been called fat or ugly or stupid in my life until I started hanging out with Emily. She puts me down constantly. I can’t stand it. I’ve told her to leave me alone, but she won’t listen. I do have some friends, but I don’t trust them. Not with everything. I can’t trust anyone anymore. And no, I’m not doing this because so many guys have been mean to me; I’m doing this because so many people in general have given me reason not to trust them. […]
I gain hope. I gain strength. But what do I not gain everyday after I cry and keep from cutting myself? A promise. I guess that’s okay, considering that promises mean nothing anymore, but still. They kick me down, I get up, they do it all over again. Harder and harder each time. Every. Time. Â It never fails. Trevor won’t even look at me anymore. It seems like no one will. Or they do, but every time they do, they laugh. The girl that was my best friend, Emily, turned on me. I’m talking complete 360 degree circle. She acts like I know nothing, mean […]
So I haven’t cut in a while. But I had a bad day today and I really, really want to. My parents are trying to help me, but they won’t listen. It’s just question after question. I can’t go to my mom or my dad because neither of them handle stress well, and this would stress them out. Â I want to cry, but I’m too upset to even cry right now. I want things to get better. I miss promises being true. Every time I get a promise now, though, it’s broken. And it hurts. Â I’ve had so many guys that I really, really liked […]
So, my name is Courtney. My friends would tell you that I”m a happy person, always smiling. And I might tell you the same thing, or at least try to. The truth is, I’m depressed. I have been since I was 8 years old. I saw my beloved grandpa die right in front of me. That messed me up badly. Then my dog died. I couldn’t do anything. Then, my grandmother literally went insane and now she wants me dead. The woman who once promised me she would always love me, now tells me that she hates me. Â But things got worse after that. Â I […]
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