Is There Light At The End?

I gain hope. I gain strength. But what do I not gain everyday after I cry and keep from cutting myself? A promise. I guess that’s okay, considering that promises mean nothing anymore, but still. They kick me down, I get up, they do it all over again. Harder and harder each time. Every. Time.  It never fails. Trevor won’t even look at me anymore. It seems like no one will. Or they do, but every time they do, they laugh. The girl that was my best friend, Emily, turned on me. I’m talking complete 360 degree circle. She acts like I know nothing, mean nothing, and do nothing right. I just can’t take it. My heart, soul, whatever it is that keeps feeling deep inside, hurts like Hell right now. Prayers? They never help. I’ve been in a pit of depression since age 8, but I started to climb back out when I stopped cutting. But everyday, it rains, and I slip back down. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t want to fight it. Maybe I should just let it come, hide my scars. But the cuts won’t solve my problem, now will they? It doesn’t help. Every time my mother or one of my friends says this,  all I can think is: You don’t know that. Maybe I’ll slip up, cut a vein, and die. Then my problem would be solved. I wouldn’t have to deal with this. But I don’t want to go to Hell, either. (Yes, I’m a Christian) I just want the fucking pain to end. Is that so much to ask? Years of nothing but pain. No hope. No promise of a light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help.