a gift from God, does that mean depression also is ? how do you return the gift without causing pain to other God’s children ?
I never liked life for what it appears to be: a process of disilllusionnement
I was trusting and full of hope as a kid, but this was because I used to idealize life and people’s intentions
life experiences later, I’ve become rather suspicious and apathetic
I don’t think we’re here to find our purpose or happiness .. I feel like we’re here to chase after things, only to realize those things were just illusions .. the more you believed the illusion to be real, the more brutal the wake-up will be, the harder it is to swallow the pill of letting go
I was led to believe in certain […]
many people need a loving partner, to be told they matter and accepted as they are
some may see this need as a drawback, but it in my opinion is a good thing: they still have some hope left, hope in the fact life will give them that special person
sometimes, hope can be enough to keep you going
I’m not sure that I care if I matter to someone .. all I know is I need some money to escape my current situation
plus, money equals freedom these days
a sum somewhere between 3,000 and 5,000 euro/$ .. what would you do ?
I would fly to Brasil (always wanted to go to South America) and find a way to die there .. the country where I am now, I hate it so much I don’t even want to die in it
what about y’all ?
the coward’s way out, then I’d rather be a smart coward than brave and delusional
ever since I’ve stopped going to college (sept. 2011), I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do next, what path to follow .. in vain
but the truth is: a future where I’m glad I’m still alive, where I’ve found a purpose is a self-inflicted lie .. my ego+personality knows that when I die, it will be the end of it and it can’t stand the idea of its own death .. so it would rather fool me into believing there’s still something to gain from, something to accomplish […]
my mama used to tell me: if you can’t find something to live for, you best find something to die for (2Pac)
if you can’t find reasons, a cause to live nor to die for : you simply are in deep shit .. good luck to whoever is in this situation, life becomes quite a burden
I don’t want to make new friends nor meet my ‘other half’ .. I don’t want a job .. I don’t want to hang on to the idea this world can be a better place .. I don’t even want happiness .. I don’t want any reason to be tied to this world
All I want is OUT .. Why are we conditioned, encouraged to believe life is -that- valuable? I’m also tired of hearing: suicide is never the answer .. If you were to kill yourself, people who care about you would be crushed, devastated etc
Well, I don’t think I’m that responsible for anyone well-being […]
me curious .. has any of you ever tried this ?
(I’m not depressed atm, it would be pointless to try it now)
another SP member posted this video a while ago and judging from the comments on youtube, there’s a lot of positive feedback
As a child, I used to idealize the world and humans .. I knew there were people with bad intentions, but my then-gullible-self believed the majority of us were working to make this world a place where one can feel alive most of the time (a better place) .. I used to see light and darkness wouldn’t have me shaken for too long .. I had genuine hope for the future (not that forced hope you’re expected to create)
From adolescence to when I dropped out, illusions had evaporated one after the other .. truth is people are overly concerned with improving their own situation, humans […]
a struggle with growing apathy .. to have little concern for too many things .. to live life in autopilot mode, doing things because you’re used or expected to and rarely because you desire to .. your soul is disconnected from this 3D reality, you have a wandering mind and your body is what keeps you trapped in a world you don’t want to be a part of
I’ve been living this way for 4+ years and I’m truly fed up with being half a zombie half a robot .. I’ve done a lot of introspection to find out I’m only interested in two things: total […]
the human species is a species I do not belong to, yet I am part of it
I feel like an alien soul that was dropped off on earth to observe humans,
and that my people have forgotten to come pick me up .. neglectful bastards
on one hand, I’m tired of routine: my days are too similar to not get bored
on the other hand, I find lots of comfort in knowing what to expect .. I’m bored to death but at least I feel safe
(safe from what ?)
I must be missing out on a lot of experiences by being very withdrawn
but since there’s a lot of deceit […]
am I supposed to keep going:
– when it feels like my drive to desire is broken (desire being the root of action) ?
– when my ego’s been getting weaker for the past 5+ years ?
– when my mind cannot generate meaningful goals etc like it used to ?
I wanted to become a psychologist when I started going to college (sept. 06) .. it was my only and meaningful goal, my door into the future
I got to experience mental abuse & other bad things in an environment I started to hate .. unfortunately, I had no other realistic option than […]
truthbetold is a jaded individual
urban dictionary says:
a) the end result of having a steady flow of negative experiences,disappointment, and unfulfillment fed into a person
where they get to the point where their anger circuits just sort of burn out and they accept disillusionment.
b) emotionally numb. having been through so much pain that you simply give up and decide unconciously not to feel anymore. mental suicide.
I also have dormant hatred for humanity, which is awaken when people do or say things that remind me how compassionate us humans can be ..
my friend depression tends to find its way inside my mind during the fall and usually leaves […]
what’s the point of being alive ?
chase after futile things, do whatever it takes to not think much of the triviality of life ?
give society the power and right to tell you how to feel, think, judge .. tell you how to live ?
hide yourself behind appearances to appear better than the next (wo)man ?
help people so you can tell yourself you’re making the world a better place ? (no offense to therapists, healers etc since they’re helpful to some)
I’m gonna give this world the opportunity to surprise me, to have me thinking: “wow it’s truly worth being here” and believe it
if I haven’t changed […]
I’ve come to realize setting a date may be ‘counterproductive’
how many of you/us have set a date, only to found (y)ourselves thinking: “I’m going to stay a little longer, even if I …”
doubt-based thoughts start to make their way through your mind
sometimes, you aren’t really in the mood for killing yourself at set date
it’s like, you’re more likely to make an attempt IF you catch your mind off guard (= follow an impulse, your intuition)
every time I tried to kill myself, I hadn’t planned to do it that day
what about y’all ?
greed and materialism will never be constructive values:
(a) never heard of any item that can fulfill that feeling of emptiness and (b) the things you own end up owning you (fight club quote)
on the other hand, to enjoy sharing and being good-intentioned seems to mainly attract opportunists
it’s like you have to spend your whole life defining boundaries, keeping your guard up, waiting for your next desillusion
you’ll be identified as the weird, paranoid one because you refuse to give people the opportunity to take advantage of you
(…..)
I feel like I should go live in nature: no more forced interactions, no more hierarchy to submit to, no […]
to tolerate being here
a) I have a friend whose father committed suicide when she was 6 .. I’m like a big brother and father figure to her:
if I were to kill myself, I feel like that would have very negative effects on her .. she could become very lost, hopeless, bitter, self-sabotaging etc
b) I had a 3-4 year break from depression when I was 18 .. what I learned then is that life is mostly unpredictable
c) I’m determined to replace apathy, despair and helplessness with inner joy and curiosity before dying
d)Â some people, by acting out of selfishness, fear, spitefulness etc drove me to become […]
what happens in the afterlife to people who commit suicide ?
a metaphysical approach to suicide but mostly food for thought
ever read about the spirit world, spirit guides, soul contracts, exit points etc ?
if you haven’t, it’s better to do some research on those concepts before watching the vid
if you have but don’t believe in those concepts, it will probably be a waste of your time
fuck happiness, fuck success, fuck the future
fuck our altruism-lacking, greedy leaders .. fuck the monetary system
fuck all these judgemental, motivated by fear, selfish humans .. fuck me for coming to this world
to have good intentions, be concerned for “fellow” humans will often be your downfall
Dear god/universe/whatever keeps me trapped here:
I better be dead before May 1st or I’ll allow myself to turn into a self-absorbed, destructive, ruleless bastard .. you already know this
self-restraint and self-censorship have been going on for too long .. fuck being alive in this 3D nightmare
end of rant
always think I and praise the god-money
you can be the most despicable person but as long as you have money, you’re somebody
when you’ve lost it all, you’re back to being a nobody
new phone, new car, new partner .. it’s never enough, you always need something more to be happy
dictature of happiness: if you aren’t happy, better to force yourself into looking happy
if you don’t understand somebody, just belittle him/her
watch out for cutters, gay people, loners, minorities, they’re all freaks