If a person murders you a day before the day you planned to end your life, is said person an angel or a demon…
Two-Faced
I can’t tell the difference between dreams and reality. I’m losing grip on reality.
Today I couldn’t believe what I experienced. Short of it, I lived through a zombie apocalypse and what happened is, the moment I thought I survived; I’m attacked by a zombie gorilla and he just fucks me up. I’m infected and so is my companion who tries to save me. After my attack I wake up [wake up in my dream] and The first thing my buddy says is we are infected and tells me everything, at this point am screaming “Are you retarded? Why did you try to help me? You […]
Anxiety and timing [How to reject the idea of the “All-powerful Amygdala”]
This is something common when you face suicide. People down on their luck will tell you that it is impossible to overcome anxiety, that’s true. But there’s hope. It’s not about overcoming it, because it’s not the problem; you need to be one with it. Here’s a better explanation:
Do you ever wonder if you really have anxiety, because it doesn’t come when you expect it. It’s reasonable now in a scientific generation to attribute every problem to something in the body. While there is truth to it, the people-created doctrine of an all-powerful subconscious appears false. The amygdala may be the origin of fears but […]
It doesn’t matter what I think, and I don’t make a conscious effort to care anymore about what other people think. You shouldn’t either. I have never understood people who get offended over posts [on the internet], maybe you weren’t meant to live in the first place. Because if that’s all it takes to ruin your day, you’ve clearly got no way of making it in the world. This is the internet, you can choose not to read it! Granted I’m not vouching for the wrong in the world, but people even I have some common sense to avoid the things I don’t like.
Anyway, there’s […]
“”Destined to be a failure”___Reasoning, Philosophy and Everything Between [#3]
Anxiety is a monster and so is depression. It’s bad to have one and it’s horrible to have both. There’s a line from a song called Klonopin by ‘Nothing, nowhere’ and he says “And I don’t deserve this Seems like the only time I can feel anything is when I’m nervous’. Being nervous is okay but anxiety is the devil. Some can relate most probably cannot.
Life makes me realize that circumstances are too conveniently setup to just be random. I don’t believe in luck but I do when it’s convenient. I’ve seen some lucky people, people who just have it so good you gotta wonder. Does […]
“Feminism and male suicide”___Reasoning, Philosophy and Everything between [Entry #2]
Disclaimer: This is not a rant so I am not responsible for whatever rage you will have
This is a touchy subject but one I know needs to be discussed. I think feminism has brought a significant rise is male suicides. So significant infact that married men are blowing their brains out over it. Not to mention the whole gender war that is already confusing the coming generation of boys and girls.
Now here’s the thing, a big mistake we make as males is to think feminism has no reason to exist. IT DOES. I agree in part that women deserve broader opportunities in work and relationships. […]
I am of the understanding now that:
There never has been a logical reason to commit suicide. But neither has there ever been a logical reason to stay alive that satisfies the ‘system’ at an individual level. Both cases are too irrational and incomprehensible to be polar opposites, because their only dividing factor is that one choice perpetuates the option of life and death (in short, gives a second chance) while the other is a permanent choice.
I think suicide is not contrary to life but an accessory. A fundamental option that must exist to stabilize the system (I don’t mean matrix, that is something else). With […]
Is there justice? (Analysing BESTGORE material)… (answering @Soda) (Excuse the expletives)
(For context: I’m a little drunk hence my lack of etiquette)
Growing up I understood that there is no power stronger than destruction. My willpower was crushed by a man who made me realize that hateful strength is all that matters. I turned my body into a tool of destruction, grinding everyday dreaming of the time I would land my fist on his stupid face. And when I did… all he did was smile. I was too late. The world had beaten his soul before I could and now he was defeated; you can’t hurt such a man… he died a long time ago. So how […]
Bill Burr has a comedy theme of the “tough guy and a weak world”. I think it’s amazing when you’re suicidal and he tells the whole thing so straight forward it’s just… funny. He’s like “It’s the little things that make me wanna kill myself” … talk about gospel truth. Sometimes I’m not even depressed but when I don’t wanna do something I just think of hanging myself. That’s funny lmao and I kinda like it. I stay awake and I’m always waiting to die so I doubt the reaper will catch me off guard. If he does then good for me.
There is a theory in the christian circles, that the devil will give you whatever you want in exchange for your soul. Money, Women/Men, Fame and Luck, every glory you could imagine. How do you sell your soul? By doing a series of terrible, inhumane, soul-crushing things, until Satan determines when you’ve “proven” yourself. Now here is where the problem comes in, Lucifer is a 6000 year-old trickster and back-stabber, who knows the human mind like the back of his hand. The moment he knows he has you in his fingers; he will do all he can do to kill you. According to christianity, God […]
Friday morning, I got back for my second semester sophomore year in college. I am on scholarship (For reference). I had so much going on last month, I had all kinds of bills flowing in and no way to pay them. So I decided to ignore all that and focus on getting to school. Then the moment I got to school, I wasn’t allowed to register in my dormitory because I had “An unpaid balance”, so I check my school account for the first time in a month. There’s a $17,000 bill looking right at me. I’m thinking aren’t I on a scholarship? So I […]
The day I’ll get drunk is the day I kill myself because of all these urges I’m suppressing. If I even for a moment allow myself to get drunk this person will destroy everything I have. I got drunk once and beat up a cousin, but the high felt so good that I couldn’t even care, and when it was over it was the best night I had in a long time.
That’s why Chester always makes me think, I miss him and now Linkin Park will never be the same. Shinoda is alright but he isn’t Chester. Chester was the voice with the scars and […]
I am an off and on listener of Alan Watts and one concept he stated opened my mind. He mentions the idea of a ghost is that it exists in a plane separate from the physical, so the only way it experiences the world is through the fear of its victims. So if you see a ghost then rather than be afraid, walk right through it, then it ceases to exist.
I want this to be real, because my mind is lost in pain, regret and fear. Anxiety is killing me, and I don’t want it to be the reason I die. But then again it […]