3 weeks ago, someone I once knew took his life. I wasn’t close with him but I attended boarding school and he was a junior in my dorm room. I often spoke to him, he was kind and that often got him bullied. Not in a bad way, just the usual senior to junior back and forth. I was tempted to do it too, because I am a very anxious person and I thought I could use him to have the senior experience. I never did, thank God, I tried to be as nice to him as I could. After I graduated, I left my […]
WaterWorks
I’ve been wondering what makes people really do it. I’ve come from nothing, and I don’t even know why I’m where I am today. I believe in God, and for me the question is what kind of God. What does it mean to be good. People tell me a good God wouldn’t let evil happen the world, but how do you understand what good even is. Is good relieving a problem, can an evil act be classified as a good. Does killing a murderer before he is ever born count as good. What’s the limit of what makes our lives? I’ve been wondering […]
I find myself addicted to pornography and masturbation, and often times I actually enjoyed it. I’m a christian, and it really gives you low confidence in God when you can’t let go of sin. Here I am on relapse after trying to abstain for over 2 weeks. But in my relapse it is not the same as before, it is not despair and me feeling like I’ll never make it in life. I can stand and believe that “He who started a good work in me will see it unto completion.”. I decided to learn from my relapses rather than view them as mistakes. A […]
I’ve come here after a long time, and the first post I see summarizes my entire journey. @MOFIMS Good Luck.
My hypocrisy has grown to unbelievable proportions, but I think it’s gotta end now. All the hypocrites in my life I thank, for claiming to love but sending me to the wolves. I don’t feel lonely anymore, I don’t feel sad and I don’t feel happy. I DON’T CARE IF ANY OF YOU KILL YOURSELVES. In my opinion sooner is better than later.
I should be hurt after my counsellor pulled one over me and got me owing a 30,000 dollar debt that I can’t pay. I don’t even have insurance but am honestly laughing right now. The debt collectors are coming on the 26th, at […]
Alan Watts
I’m having flashbacks in my dreams again. I’m living the dark days of my childhood again. I’m wondering if I’ve really forgiven them again. I’m thinking about dying again. I’m hating the stupid fire alarm going off every 3 mins again. I’m posting on suicideproject again. I’m planning on running away again. I’m a 20 year old mess again. I’m praying again. I’m hating stupid people who keep telling me to fit into their schedule again. I’m thinking “I’m 20 I don’t have to put up with this crap” again. I’m thinking about my sisters again. I’m thinking about dying…. again.
https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Sarcastic-Sounds-Losing-Time.mp3
I’m losing time again,
Trying to figure out who I am,
Here’s a rope, let’s see if I will sink or swim,
I quit my job again,
Trying to figure out if this life,
Is a life I want to live.
I started getting into playing guitar after I changed my mind and tried to make my life better. Then I hurt my thumb and now I wont be able to play and my thumb hurts like death. It’s a small thing right? But it’s small things like this that are starting to piss me off. Now, as it turns out I have no idea how to get my engines working again. So here I am again fantasizing about dying like all of you. Because the little the little things are piling up again, and I’m done being fake. This time I’m not getting help, I […]
Every time I wake up I feel more disconnected, like my mind is slowly pulling the plug on me. I think I’m sane but everything inside me is saying otherwise. Do you wish you had some Multiple Personality Disorder, and it gave you the ability to turn everything off and have “Charles, your success oriented and aggressive secret alter-ego,” take over and make things happen. Just have that Fight Club experience. I’ve been trying to fix me but maybe I don’t have to. Maybe all we need is to let go of this purposeless sanity and find some friends on the inside. Because no one […]
2AM on a Monday morning, and all I can do is stare into the darkness as I listen to most depressing music I know. On my bed, in a university residence hall in the heart of Mississippi, tens of thousands of miles from my country. I’m still wondering what I am. If I wasn’t a christian I would have let go months ago. Sadly, in the name of being a christian I thought God wanted me to get help for my “Mental Health Problems”. But telling someone “I’m gonna kill myself because I’m tired of being me,” always leads to them making the “What’s wrong […]
I heard someone died in their sleep.
My first thought: “You lucky son of a gun…”
I can’t lie, I don’t like waking up. I have the most horribly retarded nightmares where I can feel the pain as I’m stabbed over and over or gutted open.
For a second after I wake, the pain lingers then fades. And I just wonder “Who the hell is running inventory in my brain and making me experience this every night??”
I’m supposed to be better, but I quit porn for like 3 weeks then I realised “Oh shit theres nowhere else to get High”
Now am fresh out of hospital, […]
It’s easier to sleep than wake up,
To forget the voices with each cup,
harder to live rising than die falling,
To stay silent than stand calling,
But it is easier to sleep than wake up.
So I’ll sleep a little longer.
Well am that guy who lost his scholarship so, I set my date for Sept 25/26.
I had it all planned out and I had said my inconspicuous goodbyes to my sister. I wrote my first post on here (Sept 24), and made up my mind (if you’re wondering: No I didn’t leave a note, coz I didn’t care). As you guessed I’m still here, and I spent all of last week in a Psych-ward in Vicksburg. I opted not to meet God on the dark side, and yes, I was scared of dying, and also of waking up again. Here’s what they don’t tell you […]
Anybody else planning on hitting the death train this Tuesday night/Wednesday?
So for perspective, I’m not the person to choose suicide as my last option, but honestly life has taught me that I can do a lot of things I never imagined. So both my parents are dead (that’s a bummer); Father died when I was 6, and Mother died when I was a sophomore in highschool (about 4 years ago). Never got to say goodbye to both, mainly my mother coz I was in boarding school having calculus shoved down my throat while she was dying in hospital. You gotta love your extended family coz […]