Chronic Pain

11

Im Here

  August 21st, 2015 by TheChimeraMonster

Yeah guys, im still here
not happy, but im here
well…
im not saying that im all ok, im really tired
reaaaaaally tired, afraid of future, afraid of darkness

but i still here!
someone is here too?
im a little… lonely..
maybe i will post some drawings….
when someone dont have how make it emotions flow, its better make something about it
i aways draw when im depressed…
logic, all the drawings are… sad
but it comforts me

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4

Just…done.

  August 21st, 2015 by g_aloisa_23

I’ve been sick my whole life… Ever since I was two years old I was sick. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes at the age of two, and it’s been hard for me to cope with my entire life… I was bullied during elementary school not only by students but also by teachers… And then I went to high school where I thought things would get better. They were basically the same but on a larger scale. I fell in love with a boy, I really fell in love. He was my everything and we were together for nearly two years… He left and …

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22

Tell Me How I Am

  August 20th, 2015 by operationmintyhippo

I’m sorry I’m about to be all wordy, jumbled, and redundant and you probably don’t care about my life story, but I need an outlet.

I grew up with an ideal life. Friends–two best friends who all did everything together. Family–mom, dad, brother, sister. We always did all the family-esque things together.

We must have looked great from the outside.

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4

“There must be something here”

  August 17th, 2015 by extraodinarymachine

First post. Moderators, please edit or let me know if I have said anything not allowed. I’m guessing my post may contain some triggers, though I’ve not been graphic & spoken heartfelt ideas in an honest way. I’m asking for some advice from places I’ve not sought help before. “Oh Lord! Please don’t let me be misunderstood.”

The Dancer in the Dark quote. “Have you seen China? Have you seen the Great Wall?” “All walls are great if the roof doesn’t fall”. This is what each day is like.

I’ve been there for so many others. I have kept friends alive. I’ve cared and helped. I’ve …

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0

Lost in the way

  August 17th, 2015 by vee

I feel like it’s time. But I don’t want it to be. I made a promise to myself, you see. I promised to wait until I was 21 to find something to live for.
Even though I really want to wait, I’m just tired. Waiting is probably the best way to describe my life and I feel like I can’t take it. Also, my head hurts all the time, without apparent reason. I don’t want to feel pain anymore, but I don’t want others to suffer because of me.
I’ve always prefered to be hurt if that means that someone doesn’t. Maybe that didn’t make sense, but …

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7

Lost

  August 17th, 2015 by TheChimeraMonster

U know dont you?how is to be pressured
Im lost, when i has 8 i promissed to myself that i would live at least to 20
My family has never seen me crying, i have holding it for years u know?
I have 18 now… but, im so afraid of living, everything is soo hard to me handle alone
Ive trying until now, im thinking in finally give me the eternal dream
Oh God forgive me…
Its better like this, ive never been strong enough.
?????

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1

I am the reason

  August 17th, 2015 by 0l1v14

I cant be who i am when who i am gets in the way of what i so desperately want. To be loved, to be accepted as I am without someone telling me what i cant change is wrong or disgusting…  So I hate myself. More so than anyone ever hated me. I dont think im a bad person, but every time I try to show someone how i feel, im met with this look of disgust and contempt, given lectures of total bullshit, brushed off, pushed away… even betrayed by people i thought I could trust. They were my friends until i couldnt joke about …

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3

I don’t know

  August 16th, 2015 by jules1769

I’m crying. So badly right now. All alone. I’m so fucking alone. That’s all I feel loneliness. Emptiness. And sometimes I feel nothing at all. One minuet I’m fine the next I find myself shattered into a million pieces. I can’t do this. I can’t. I just can’t. I’m giving up. I don’t know anymore. Don’t know what to do. Don’t know how to be happy. Don’t know how to fix this. I’m wondering if today should be the day.

I’m giving up.

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3

Chronic illness, life is over

  August 16th, 2015 by sparrowhills

I am a 23 year old guy and I have been diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune condition called lupus. What this means is that my immune system finally caught up with my brain and started hating itself as much as I did before I even knew what the word “lupus” meant. My body is destroying itself and if I choose to keep living, I will live every day for the rest of my life in pain with the looming threat of facing severe organ damage or becoming permanently bedridden. Having lupus means that something as innocent as spending 2 minutes in the sun could cause my immune system to …

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2

Dumping all my thoughts here

  August 15th, 2015 by lostindreams

I haven’t really gotten a chance to vent to others. Most of the time I’m too afraid to actually spill what’s on my mind to those closest to me, or my thoughts are too jumbled that I can’t really describe what I’m feeling very well so I have to brush it off and say ‘oh it’s nothing, don’t worry about it’ or ‘it’s a long story’. So when I saw this site I was pretty happy because not only can I actually say what I’m actually thinking without the fear of being stigmatized, but I can actually help myself cope by sharing everything that’s been …

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1

do I try again?

  August 14th, 2015 by melodychild

Failed suited attempts are a pain in the butt. They lock you up in a hospital, everyone freaks out. You feel this huge amount of guilt, and rarely no relief that you’re alive, only more depression becuase you didn’t succeed. Family always makes you feel guilty, how could you do this? Why didn’t you tell me. Like duh , if I told you, you would’ve stopped me, and I wanted to die. Then comes the painful process of “getting better” “learning to be happy”. You’re supposed to make all these steps so you don’t do it again and promise you’ll get help. But when you …

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4

Yeah fuck it

  August 14th, 2015 by noefx

What the fuck would you do when
Most friends are not as close as they should
When politics and world’s health hurts
When you’ve been brilliantly single more than idiots more than bad people deserve
I’m not depressed, I just hate the system we live in, politics and the games people play
It made me sick, I’m stuck inside myself,
Nothings changing, Watching everyone,
Every moron be happy and progress
While I dream of not waking up
While the earth is dying from millenials of greed. conversely the only thing giving me hope is the imminent apocalypse.
It’s not depression, it’s my today, it was
Yesterday or tomorrow..
What do you do when it’s …

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4

What if I were different?

  August 13th, 2015 by 000000

I know a lot of talented people. I’m in junior high, and I already know people who qualify to teach piano, get first place in provincial level athletics, got perfect on their advanced harmony exams, or even first in a nation-wide mathematics competition. Everyone else I know is blessed with some kind of glorious, useful talent. Something that is measurable in levels or ribbons. I get stuck with art. I used to be so proud of my artwork, that I could actually create something that others could enjoy. At the age of 12, I had already started doing commissions and auctions on DeviantArt. I was so pleased …

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0

Stop

  August 12th, 2015 by Der Wahnsinn

Now I am different
They have changed me
But I still hold that
There are too many people
I cannot bear them
They torment me with their jokes
Still the evil of noises
Is the beating of their hearts
Stop! Don`t move
Stop! Don`t move
I cannot, cannot bear it
Stop! Stop beating
Don`t you see? I`m not too lucky
Still you pump blood and
You grow in number
Coming over me in flocks
I cannot bear you
I`m trying to get rid of you
In my dreams I hear
The thunderings of your heartbeats
Stop! Don`t move
Stop! Don`t move
I cannot, cannot bear it
Stop! Stop beating
In a standstill in my chest
A dead heart is no loss
Don`t move
No one will torment me for funs
I shall bring …

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9

Symptoms…. Of What? Asking for help.

  August 12th, 2015 by KissOfDeath

So, this is very different than any other of my posts,
but I have been experiencing some “feelings” and I cannot find a name to these symptoms.
I feel like I can communicate with an outer me, such as if I had a twin, it’s very strange, it started with mirrors, and now I feel like I am not alone, although I am sitting in my room alone, such as another person is her. (Another version of myself.)
I have experienced this before, but only when I have been exhausted, and/or when I go from being surrounded by people for a long/short period of time, to be …

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1

Mysterious Misery

  August 11th, 2015 by KissOfDeath

It’s mysterious,
the day you change,
suddenly feelings are engulfed by darkness,
and it feels as if you’re carrying a darker shadow than usual.

You wonder if people notice,
but you don’t think they can,
until you get that one person who says “Why are you so different all the time now?”
and you realize that everyone has noticed,
they’ve just been too polite to say anything.

You curse yourself,
but how could this be your fault?
This isn’t something you wanted,
this isn’t something you can change.
You swallow down the pills,
that numb your brain, feelings,
yourself.
To please you parents, your family, your significant other.

You hate this feeling,
but you …

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4

I’m losing it

  August 10th, 2015 by dontknowmyname

I dont know what to do, I have really bad mood swings.. ups and downs.. cant controlhow myself.

Last year, I tried to get help by a psychotherapist because of that and because I have bad anxiety, couldnt go into a little bit crowded place without wanting to cry out of panic and feeling (but not doing) I’ll pee myself, but I realized that the therapy wasn’t helping and  I am the only one who can help my self and so I stopped going there. The Therapist doesn’t seem to understand me. Getting that fact and starting to meditate, I really felt like I got myself …

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7

My Future…

  August 10th, 2015 by jmd1092

Life is caving in around me… the life I have has changed. The girl I love and the children I’ve raised don’t give me the time of day, the love has just vanished. I’ve done everything right but I have nothing more to give. I can’t take what this feeling is anymore… I’ve lost her once and now it’s happening again and I can’t go through it twice…Everyone tells me life is to short to dwell on this but I know i can’t do this without her… tomorrow doesn’t seem to look any brighter.

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16

#SuckMyFuckDepression

  August 10th, 2015 by MaybeImAlreadyGone

Just a few things on my mind and I may seem harsh but reading some of these comments are making me ill. Your all encouraging each other to take your life’s? Giving each other options for easy ways out? I have been  in the exact same situation as many of you&it does get better. We don’t need to encourage each other to take the easy way out. We need to be sharing some fucking hope! So if I come across as harsh, it’s because I generally care.

First of all, I don’t give a shit what anyone says; There is no reason why  you should take …

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1

One day soon

  August 10th, 2015 by onedayysooon

I can feel it in my palms, the way they sweat more than usual. Like when I’m anxious (always) they get a little clammy. But these past few weeks I’ve had this feeling. That strange feeling , its even difficult for me to comprehend. & I feel it in my gut everyday. Ya’ know, most people tell me “don’t do it, you’re selfish if you do.” “you’d kill yourself over a person who killed themselves? that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” But the truth is, it’s not the dumbest thing a person has heard. Especially if that person was now left alone, due to …

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