General

I think I’m being too much.
Had a long distance relationship a few years back. It was pretty serious. We joked about marriage and stuff, and in all honesty, I would probably marry her, but at the time, I was still young, and wasn’t really wanting to do that.
We really cared for one another, still do.
I have no money though, and no way to see her in person.
Halfway around the world from one another.
I broke it off initially, I didn’t want her to sit and wait for me, when there’s a good chance I’ll never meet her in person. I wanted […]

As I’ve been working with my therapist, I’ve been reconfiguring my life to be more social and to give myself the future that I want

However, I’ve continually failed at all social pursuits for at least the past 7 years. When you continue to fail over and over as I have, you stop expecting your fortunes to change

Nowadays, I’ve been faced with so much repeated failure (and worse, seeing my peers who are absolute failures at everything else in their lives succeed socially) that I’ve started to feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of withering away into nothing. The idea that even if I […]

On Saturday I went out of town with my mom to attend a concert that her distant cousin was preforming at and do a small marathon run the morning after. I just went to get out of the house. I wasn’t a problem the whole trip. I drove when asked, did what was asked of me, and just maintained an amicable disposition. Then out of no where my mom blind sides me about… I’m not even sure what. Something about not connecting with her or my father. Not being happy around them. I wasn’t doing anything to them. […]

“The Life That You Want is on the other side of the work you’re avoiding”

So I never bothered to look up the Unabomber before and never knew the story of Ted Kaczynski. This documentary just popped on my feed so I decided to watch it. And what do you know, Ted Kaczynski wasn’t wrong about a lot of things. He was actually quite ahead of his time. This is what he thought:

The industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race:

1- Industrialization has forced people into crowded, unnatural environments, especially big cities, robbing them of their freedom.
2- Modern Tech gave governments and corporations unprecedented power to control citizens. “It […]

It sucks to be/feel invisible and not have real friends

What exactly is wrong with suicide anyway? Back in the olden days, suicide was celebrated and expected. Not saying that’s the way to go either- both sides are too extreme- either NO one is allowed to suicide or ppl are EXPECTED to suicide (see history about civilizations sending their sick and old away into tents on the outskirts of the city- MANY/MOST civilizations did this).

If ppl want to suicide, why is there a need to stop them? Why keep ppl in misery bc YOU think they shouldn’t die? Or bc YOUR god “forbids” suicide?

I think that’s all fucking bullshit.

Isn’t it funny […]

Interviews went okish. Kinda screwed up the first one cause I was nervous and I actually kinda wanted this job. Second one went better but not by much. I immediately got a follow up for the second one though so that’s something. Sucks that it’s a defense company. I am in no position to be on my high horse and say that I’m too good to be working for those companies, but it’d be nice if the stuff I made didn’t end up getting people killed. It’s a technical interview with multiple parts so I’ll probably screw it up […]

I feel far too jaded and hopeless about this stupid world to think I’ll ever be happy.
The avg person has also gotten crappier of the past several decades. Studies show this, not just me surmising.

Also, it takes a good amount of money to NOT be poor/in a crap life.

The rich do not play by the rules- they are the ones who MAKE UP the rules for everyone ELSE to follow.

Something lighter, something fun.

I finally actually watched an episode of the show and I was pretty much right about what it is; kind of a variation on the theme of Scooby Doo. A group of teens with a strange pet that get into strange situations. That’s also kind of the situation with Speed Buggy I think, I’m going to watch that next. Jabberjaw also has some feelings of Sealab 2020(and Sealab 2021) and Johnny Quest. All of these are Hanna Barbara shows with the exception of Sealab 2021 which was produced after the classic era.

I’m getting a serious craving for some Yogi Bear too. I […]

This post is more about people’s responses than about Erika Kirk herself.

1- Erika Kirk is such a fake and a phony- all those fake faces she makes and patting of the tissue near her DRY and perfectly make-up’ed UN-PUFFY eyes

2- I don’t get how ppl believe her act? It’s so beyond obvious how fake she is. You can clearly see how super happy he’s dead bc now she gets $50M donation from rich benefactors, on TOP of getting over $10M+ in GoFundMe from avg ppl. And on TOP of TPUSA getting $150M from pro Israel groups which Charlie Kirk refused 48hrs before he […]

It’s “funny” how in America, we are 100% judged and defined by our job (or lack thereof).
When I quit working, I ceased being seen as a “human being” to all of my former friends and ppl I knew.
Needless to say, I don’t talk to any of them anymore.

Jobless – No One Likes a Jobless One || by Relatone (Official Lyrics Video)

Someone needs to tell BOOMERS that the job market now is NOT what it was like for THEM. THEY had the benefit of a SINGLE job that paid WELL, even with NO college degree. A sole income back in the day, even as an unskilled factory job assembly line worker, made enough to afford a house, a car, and a wife and 2 kids. And college was like $500. Back in their day, back before they made the economy and life shit for us- if you had a degree, you practically could get a job anywhere. And if you only […]

What Things Piss You Off? Could be anything and everything. I get pissed off at everything in this stupid shitty world. I want to know what pisses other ppl off.

Got a couple more interviews this week and next. I feel like nothing comes from them though. I bumble my way through questions I don’t understand, they say I did good and end the meeting, then they either ghost me or tell me no (which ghosting does too, but less direct.). I needed to email a follow up to two interviews from two weeks ago. One just finished doing all their interviews and needs to make a decision and the other said they weren’t interested. Would they have told me if I didn’t follow up with them? Probably not. […]

It’s so ridiculous. I can be honest here because it doesn’t matter. I don’t even masturbate to porn I just look at it and then I cum without touching myself. It’s embarrassing.

When people reject me and judge me and hate me it makes me sexually aroused. When I’m humiliated… when I’m looked down upon. I don’t understand why it happens, but I know that it does.

So that’s that. Now that’s off of my chest. I didn’t even watch porn this time. I just read a text. And that was enough. Silly me. It would have been easy for me not to engage and just go […]

I can sometimes peer into my own head, and see myself laughing like an idiot, like insane Joker laughing.

The other version of myself is holding him back, keeping it together.

If I’m doing something different, it becomes background noise in my own head, but right now? Not so much. 

Am I insane?

The last thing I want to do is act like the stuff I’ve been dealing with is abnormal. It’s not. Part of life is juggling a lot of these things.

I feel like I’m no good, that maybe I’m just not a good person.

I can’t live with anyone, I […]

So I was right all along.
According to research and studies, YES people have.

Over the past 30 years, I’ve noticed that people have become shittier, and harder to make real close friends or relationships with anyone.

This study was done at USC and first published in the Financial Times.

Inside the changing personalities of young adults thanks to smartphones:
(6min)