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I really don’t know why you guys still living
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Do you ever wonder how insignificant you really are? I’m sitting out here looking at this beautiful sky but I can’t help but feel entirely small. Life has become so hard for me to grasp and understand, and it leaves me completely confused. Day to day I fumble through the same routine: fight myself to get up, go to work, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. The only good part about my day is being with my family at my new home but I don’t know how long anyone will ever love me. Love always goes away. Orat least that is how things have been thus far.
I want […]
I guess I’m back. Last time I was here I was in high school. Now I’m in my second year of college and not one thing has changed. My uncle, his wife, and his son came down for the 4th this week. I haven’t seen them in 3 years. I hardly know them. They never come around. Well none of that matters. Just a minute ago my Grandmother told me that my uncle said I was “Anti-social”. It hurt. I tried to talk. I gave my best. They think I’m weird, but weird is good to me. I lost all my friends from high school […]
My dad only tells me he loves me when it’s convenient. He calls our house and is like “Who is this?” when I answer. I couldn’t tell if he was joking, but I say sarcastically, “One of your kids”. He then says that one of my sisters calls, and I tell him I’ll let her know that he called back. “Alright, bye.” Then hangs up.
Lol that’s the most I’ve talked to him in about 2 months. Yeah I know some people don’t get to talk to their dads at all. Sometimes I wish he was completely gone so I didn’t have to be tortured by his superficial asshole yet nonexistent […]
”Take all of the courage you have left.Waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head.”
I’m the kind of person that can have legacies
But instead I destroy them
And I’ll keep destroying them until I can create them.
Sometimes it’s better sometimes it’s worse. Sometimes you can get up sometimes you can’t even gain strength to eat. No matter everyday I put on a smile and feel that she is serene like i have never known. I am very sick physically. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend. How much longer I can hide this from her. I over came MY depression and suicidal thoughts I fought off those demons and most the time I never once thought I would make it through. Years of self hatred and abuse have not done me any good. I am venting and trying to […]
I planned to go tonight. I have the pills ready. I honestly don’t know if I will or not. I had a partner last summer, we got ready together. She drove to my place (where I live with my mother in the middle of nowhere) to pick me up and we cuddled all night and talked and watched her favorite show. But on the day it was to happen, I backed out. She didn’t and sure enough her obituary showed up on the internet and her friends posted messages about her. She was part of a community who really misses her. I only have a […]
I feel like I don’t want to keep on trying anymore, it’s hard to explain but I feel like I have finally achieved everything I’ve ever wanted and still I don’t get any joy from it. I still have some things that I have to “fight for” but I already know that when I finally get them I wont feel anybetter than now.
It feels like even when I got what I wanted (to have friends, and family and succeed in what I do) nothing is real, I feel like it’s all in my mind, I don’t think anybody actually loves me or cares about me. […]
It’s been a terrible week… I’ve barely eaten I cringe at the thought that I must live in this world. I recently quit football and now nobody speaks to me. I’m just so ready to leave this place… The long nights that leave me mentally insane are destroying me. I just need the perfect way to do it… I’ve tried taking a ton of pills and then getting drunk but no success.
All these people seem so happy. And by happy, I mean at least mildly content. I used to enjoy the 4th, as well as many other things. So many people with their significant others. Years have passed since I’ve had one. I don’t blame girls. It’s me. I walk around all day depressed and utterly hopeless. I have no passion for anything anymore. At least I don’t have any kids to screw up. That’s why I used condoms back in the day. One more of me running around??? That would just be cruel. Some might find this upsetting, but I have great respect for those […]
Has anyone ever heard of going out by power line? They are low voltage ones but also low hanging and remote enough. Over the past 5 days I have gone down the list. Nothing has been successful obviously.
A wise man once said,
” depression is like drowning, you can see a hear everyone around you, and somehow, your still alive.”
I’ve told this story before but rather than have it disappear into obscurity I’d like it to be a lesson for all new comers, if it can help you understand your life a little better.
I tried to kill myself when I was in my early twenties. It’s been roughly 10 years since that night, and I won’t ever be able to shake it..that I know!
I was getting wrapped up into drugs and suffering from depression, and needless to say I wanted to die and had every intention in doing so. There wasn’t all this easy access to the Internet so methods were […]
I find some sick satisfaction in judging others. I always compete. I always need to be better than anyone else. I always fail to be. I’m so negative. I loathe myself. My body is so hairy, even as a female, because I have PCOS and Hirsutism. My stomach is HUGE even though I lost 30lbs (I went from 140 to 110 last year but I look 150. I’m 5ft 3). My wardrobe is that of a 5th grader. I can’t afford anything new. I’m always afraid I’m going to be homeless. I have been dating a guy for 7 years who is abusive in all […]
Well I feel today is the day I end my life. I just got rid of a person out of my life who was there but wasn’t much anymore. I made a promise awhile ago that I wouldn’t do anything to myself. Well I got rid of her out of my life that way she wouldn’t blame herself for this. So I feel it’s time I end it today. Thank you everyone for all the help and support
Last night I came very close to an exit, I was ready, but I’m not sure what made me wait. I know some of it is my business responsibilities, I don’t want to let anyone down but I’m not sure why it matters so much to me? It’s not like their world won’t go on. I have decided I won’t exit in my apartment, I will take a road trip, no cell. I have enough meds stockpiled to shut my system down completely, just add alcohol. I’m so consumed by darkness – I’m physically never going to be well again, the doctors were plain about […]
Does anyone else agree that when someone says suicide is a cowardly thing? I feel that if your in the position your in and few the way you feel, you way the facts and think about everything. I feel it’s actually a very hard thing to do. And another thing is. How do you feel when you final have the power to talk to someone close to you and ask for help, but all they say is I can’t talk to you anymore if your going to do that cuz I don’t want to be apart of it. I feel that is that person truly […]
I know you are there.. Why don’t you hang out anymore? Whats keeping you so busy? lol Comment so I can email you..
P.S.- this place needs you!!
Dear precious Angel, I love you more than anything! You were never bad I promise, but mommy has to leave this place. I can not be her anymore, but will wait at heavens gates for you. I will not go in till I find you there. I am sorry I know your sad. I just can’t stay in far too sad. My heart is heavy and my eyes always cry. I’m sorry I couldn’t do better. You will have daddy and grandma and grandpa your imma and Randy paw too. But mommy isn’t able to stay , but in heaven is where I’ll wait for […]