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It definitely feels amazing when they say I’m thinner.
Feels even better when I say “no” to food while everyone else is helplessly stuffing their mouths. I am strong. I love this feeling.
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General
I am very alone in this crippling emptiness. Unfortunately, I don’t have it in me to take my own life, I know how brutal death is on normal people, I wouldn’t put them through it. How to live through depression and the lack of will to live? Is it possible?
It gives you an opportunity to overcome a challenge that will only make you stronger if you allow it to.
It teaches you that it’s impossible to please everybody in this world.
It allows you to realize what others feel when they get rejected.
I got attacked with lots of rejection today but……I’m proud to say that it did not attack my happiness……Today was a great day.
“Don’t let rejection steal your happiness”
“Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? They say I’m better off now than I ever was..”
Dear Mom and Daddy,
You won’t ever read this because if I wanted you to then I would be writing this on paper and mailing to you to get a week from now. I’ve played over in my head a million times how to say all of this to you and I still don’t know how, but let me ask you something..
Did it ever occur to you that I’m not better!? That I’m not okay, in reality I’m worse than ever, and I’ve just gotten a […]
Fuck that person named Carlos,with his ugly druggy piece of shit,waste of space,self.You disgust me,I spit In the mirror when I see you.Finally Always & Forever Fuck you Carlos.
written by lifeishorrible
A month In a half ago,I almost overdosed on pcp.I smoked two wet sticks by myself.I could’ve stopped on the first one but I didn’t feel high enough.That day I had the truck pretty much all day with my friends getting high,drunk and on wet.My friends and I smoked six wet sticks that day.I was pretty messed up driving and stuff but I could still maintain,even long drives on the freeway that night.I went back to the house.I was cleaning the truck and I saw that my friend left to wet sticks In there so I started to smoke them. After the second one I […]
Ever been so emotionally hurt by someone, that you just sit in your bed, facing the wall, trying to breath because you’re crying so hard?
Have you ever gazed down from a tall cliff and realized that you could just jump?
Well we’ve all seen the red carpet show now and all the beautiful rich and talented people gathering together to congratulate themselves on their beauty, riches and talents. In the end, when the earth has burnt away, when memories have ceased, what difference does it make whether I was the neighborhood “retard” or whether I was Jennifer Lawrence. Pointless, all of it. Yes, Jennifer will have lived a life 100 thousand times better than anything I will ever experience. But one hundred years from now when we are dust, we will be the same. Dust, useless quiet dust. A huge downgrade for the winners in […]
I sat there
The silent consuming.
Upon the arrival
of the death.
Music playing quietly
Blood dripping down.
The darkness overcomes
And I submit.
Silence filled rooms
No more pain.
Nothing will hurt
Just the darkness.
The black abyss
And lonely me.
I wanted love
I gave love.
Deals are sealed
Death is now.
Goodbye my love
Stay on Earth.
We shall meet
One more time.
Goodbye my dear
Au revoir love.
You’re the one
That I loved.
And I’m saying
Goodbye…
I don’t say how I’m feeling to my friends. They’re all too busy with their everyday life to even focus on me, I know that this sounds a little self centered, but I’ve told my friends how I really feel, and I usually get the same response: ”What is so bad in your life?” ”What is happening that makes you feel this way?” ”What is so wrong?” They don’t get it. I don’t feel this way to impress them. I don’t hurt myself to entertain them. I don’t do it for anyone, because they don’t get how dark it is in my head, they don’t […]
When I first started dating I was excited thinking I could my “True love” yet every time I find a woman that I actually care for she disappears from my life. Every time that happens a crack goes on your heart the more your heart cracks the closer it comes to braking permanently. I’ve had so many brake ups in my life a good amount of them I really didn’t care like they only lasted a week and sexual things happened everyday with those girls but the women I cared for is a different story. When I care for a women and think I “found […]
most of my friends are not really my friends, or are poor ones. That’s ok, im my own best friend anyway…
I am scared, and confused.
I wonder why the voices won’t leave my head.
I hear them talking all around.
I see them when I try to sleep.
I want to get rid of them.
I am scared, and confused.
I pretend that they’re not there.
I feel their presences, it gives me chills.
I touch my mind to erase what I’ve seen.
I worry that they will be around me forever.
I cry because everyone thinks I’m crazy.
I am scared, and confused.
I understand that medicine won’t take them away.
I say that medicine doesn’t help to my doctors, but they don’t understand.
I dream […]
At any moment I could go
At any moment I could leave
At any moment I could die
At any moment I could stop
At any moment I could submit
I could let go
I could not care
I could break more
I could stop loving
I could hate you
But I cannot let go
But I cannot not care
But I cannot break more
But I cannot stop loving
But I cannot hate you
Why? I can’t let go of you.
Why? I can’t not care about you.
Why? I can’t break anymore because I’m already broken so much.
Why? I can’t stop loving you no matter […]
The quote is from a favorite show… it rings true right now.
I can’t see going out in my home and leaving a mess for everyone to clean up. I’ve failed at everything I ever set my hand to do in this life, so I would at least want my death to be beneficial. I would want a good death.
I’m thinking about life insurance policies and how I could go out so there would still be a payout. Maybe vigilante style, and make sure to end up near a hospital so there’s time enough for my organs to be donated.
Honestly I would prefer a heroic death. Charging into bullets, saving somebody, something. Maybe […]
Just a song I found that expresses how I feel towards my sister:
You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won’t fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I
*Song: Afraid by The Neighbourhood*
many times have i told myself that i will succeed in life and be a good person but there’s that voice in my head that bullies me from day in and day out. “you’re no good.”,”that girl is laughing at you right now for being such a retard.”,”Why are you even alive?” questions just flow through my head like nothing. i don’t understand how people expect me to succeed academically when i cant get my mind straight. I get it that school should be my only focus right now but at the same time how can i focus when i have therapy after school, […]
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Think about it. Are the problems that you want to end by suicide that awful and permanent that nothing could alleviate them? Although you may not think so now, you will recover from your problem or problems and live out the rest of your life happily. There are no problems in this world that can be solved by suicide.
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When you are thinking rationally, try to think of solutions to your troubles that are constructive, and that will help ease the hurt you’re going through. The person attempting suicide doesn’t truly want to die — instead they just want the pain to stop.
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If there’s someone who […]
Originally I wanted to post some thoughts on alt.suicide.holiday but I cannot seem to get the narkive account to do anything. Everytime I try to post, I gets 403 error saying there was spam with my post. Oh well, some of the regulars there are a real kick in the pants like The Colonal Eric Paul Burke from Northville, Mi.
What drives me crazy is the perfect conditions that need to be present to take the plunge. If I’m too depressed, there is absolutely no way I can attempt ending it all. If I’m in good spirits, I want to do other things. Its very rare […]