General

Pain is eating my insides again. My stupid decision means a big step back. I feel like ripping my skin off, so I don’t have to feel this. How will I be able to hold this job if all I feel like doing is to lie down and cry. I need to get better. I can’t afford to make bad decisions anymore

I have no idea if anyone will respond to this or how many will respond, but I am rapidly losing my shaky grip on things.

A little quick background: I am a 39 year old with diagnosed bipolar II disorder. My life unraveled four years ago (work issues) and I had a setback in January 2012. I have often considered suicide but always held myself back (barely sometimes) mostly because of my family (didn’t want to hurt them). This is the basic stuff.

I am here because I am desperate. Unlike other times (except one) where I only had *thoughts* about doing it, I have a plan. […]

Holy crap, I just went through the fastest mood swing I have ever heard of. I went from depressed, to manic, to depressed again. All while feeling suicidal. It has not even been a full twenty-four hours. First depressive phase was like all sad and fun stuff like that. Then it was like I had the best stimulant in the world. I could not stop smiling and planning out a really unlikely way of killing myself. Then the depression came back and I was like. That would never work. How delusional could I be. More than delusional though was the sense of being just better […]

Why do you try to stay? Why do you push yourself into my life? No.. I told you i didn’t want to be with you and you continually try.. You hurt me once I’m not letting you do it again..

I have noone to talk to. No friends. Literally. No family. Literally. I haven’t lived at home since I was 17. So I’m turning to the interwebs. If you have knowledge in “T.I.s” that would be divine. Relatively speaking I need someone on my level or the next.

I am 22. This is not a plea for attention, nor am I  searching for pity. Read my other post and maybe my pro to get maybe the slightest idea.

Thanks.

-From one void to another

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhhC_N6Bm_s

First post here, not much to say, after reading some posts here my depression doesn’t seem like shit haha. I always watch this speech when I’m feeling down, hopefully it can comfort/enlighten others.

a quick note to all you depresso’s out there. this is coming from an aging depressive who is starting to realize a number of things over time…

after spending the most of my life moping.. recently i kinda had a downfall w my gf and i think its pretty much over now.. i smothered her w my negativity and she couldn’t take it..

anyways kids. you only live once. things might seem shitty now. and all of you might wanna shoot yourself. but think of it this way. you live for like 70-90 years right? think of life as a gift, a game and an adventure. you’re […]

I was talked out of suicide the other day. Guilt-tripped out of it, more accurately. And now I feel even worse than I did. I want to die even more. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I’m just so… drained. Already dead inside. There was a quote I read, something about, “You’re just a soul carrying around a corpse” or something like that.
I have one reason I’m alive and he’s also the reason I want to die.
I don’t even know what to do anymore… I have no one to help me…
Even surrounded by people I’m so alone…

I just can’t take waking up and feeling like shit before I even get out of bed anymore. I’ve got my goodbye notes written, I’ve got 200 and something nyquil sleep aid pills, a bottle of maximum strength cough meds and a bottle of whiskey. I dont want to mess this up by waking up. I need to know if this will put me down for good. Im 6’7″ 175 pounds, very skinny. Will this work or do I need more pills? My deadline is tomorrow night. I still have one last goodbye I have to do before I go.

[ [  Jeremy is a friend I recently met during our 2012 Christmas break. He’s a child, around the same age as me, who no one else can apparently see. Also, I do not believe in God, I am probably one of the most unreligious people there is; the ‘sins’ I refer to are just bad things I do, nothing religious about it whatsoever  ] ]

Yesterday I did my weekly confession with Jeremy. I know there are some sins I will happily not commit again. Unfortunately, cutting will always be on my list of sins – but it’s always not me. It’s the voices too. But, […]

Anyone else struggle with drugs and alcohol???  It’s a vicious cycle.  It doesn’t help that marijuana is legal in my state.  I live in Washington.  I come to realize it’s not the way ppl treat me, but its my addiction that screws with my life.  Ppl have been very kind to me lately, but i’m still very unhappy.  I want to die because i’m a drug addict.   Drugs are too available  here in Seattle ><

Like the title says thats me today. Been having a few bad days isolated alone inside in this heat in a new city where I don’t know anyone and moved for a real estate deal that went south. Now I am unemployed after years of doing horribly as a self employed professional. I don’t think I could get a job at McDonald’s right now.

Went out and did some errands, paid some bills picked up some lunch. Was feeling okay while doing these things but now i am back watching youtube videos of alternative media ( extremely depressing) and ofcourse am here reading about others feeling […]

Anyone else notice that there is a delay publish setting? How convenient is that. Very convenient, that is how much. I have a very bold plan that I am setting up. I mean it is bold and daring and probably doomed to fail but still very exciting. I just hope I have the nerve to do it. I use to care about whether or not I would be making a public display of my death or trying to limit how gruesome it is, but really there is no rules in death. Trying to create any for yours just hampers the […]

I am 58 and have been clinically depressed for over 3 years. I don’t want to live anymore. I got divorced, lost my home, my job, and was forced to declare bankruptcy. My step children. don’t want anything to do with me and I don’t know why. I have been on all the meds and therapy and nothing works.t want to end it all. end it all.

The day i heard of his suicide , i planned my own.
i turned away from the thought for now, cant cause any more heart ache.