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My life has been so unhappy for the short time I’ve spent here. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD when I was only sixteen. My high school experience was horrible. I remember starting high school, I was so happy, excited, full of life. I remember one day walking up the stairs talking to a friends and they asked me how I could smile all the time for no reason. I can’t even remember the last time I truly smiled. I had an amazing group of eight girl friends, we had been close since middle school, then everything changed when I started hanging out with […]
Hello, my depressive friends. So i want to sharehere my thoughts and feelings. If i feel a sadness, (last times i most felt that.) me like a more peopld listen sad music. And one of these song with beatiful metaphors and brutal melody – Suffokate – Distant Words. I hear that in my lost 2012 summer…era of my fears and tears.. so by the theme. If you understand my mind read the lyrics..i have many ttoubles, and i didnt see the true escape. If you want, i will tell you my horrors. Thanks
Loss on these city streets distant faces distant memories
A city built upon […]
I have not told anyone this but one of the reasons I’m gonna kill myself is because I will not live the 9 to 5 pace. I don’t want to work like a programmed robot doing the same thing everyday. Life does not sound interesting. What’s so appealing about stressing about money your whole life. I don’t want to keep living simply because people say I have too. My life has never been easy I’ve worked my ass off to get everything back to where it should be. Nothing is what it seems it sounds good but in the end it causes a hole in […]
Last night was really scary. I’m 18, I’ve had suicidal thoughts off and on for over a year now, but lately they are pretty relentless. Yesterday I was having them all day, I’m not even sure why. I also just relapsed with my eating disorder. Every day I either restrict calories or eat and then make myself sick. I threw up twice yesterday. When it came time to go to bed I could not think about anything other than killing myself. I started to drift off and as I did I started picturing everyone who knows me going to my funeral and reacting to my […]
So many words and feelings in my chest….it hurts to try and push them out. I feel so sick and volatile. I just wish I could scream at everyone around me and burst into a million useless pieces. I keep thinking you’re here, when you’re gone into a forever I’m not capable of really knowing. I wish I could forget, and wash away with the roadkill.
I want to escape this pain so bad, all of this darkness that overwhelms me. I wish I could be free from these chains of regret, remorse, major depression, and saturated loneliness. I can’t commit suicide, which hurts even worse. My family […]
I need help. But my therapist stopped me and said if I continue to use the vocabulary I’m using to describe my feelings, she can consider it a legal “yes” to the “suicidal?” box, and I’d lose my security clearance and my career with my company goes with it. I should have known better; any suggestion of mental incapacity makes you a national security risk, so I can’t get any sort of professional or medical help. Not sure why I care so much; I feel like I’m on a freaking pirate ship here. Belligerent a-holes here don’t respect anything I tell them to do, specifically […]
Here I am sick with some sort of infection again. This time my swollen lymph node is in my groin. Usually they are in my neck or at the base of my skull. I’m sure when I see the doctor tomorrow they will do a blood draw and my WBC count will be elevated as always. I am so tired. I feel so sick. I have the runs and my psoriasis is spreading. My hair is falling out more and no one knows what is wrong with me. I am at the end of my rope. I am 31 and shouldn’t have to live a […]
The walls of my bedroom
hold too many secrets,
and too many stories
that I can never tell.
The lights on my headboard
have overseen more tears,
and have twinkled bright
when my life threatened to blow out.
The journal in my drawer
has heard my desperate cries,
and seen me at my worst,
yet can not help me more.
The blades secreted in a precious box
have kissed my skin far too many times
and traced mazes into my
too pale skin.
The new year
is something that threatens
to escape me, and I have to wonder…
is this the year?
I finally had found friendship with you and it was ripped from us. I was finally able to confide in someone and it was taken away from me.
I’m sorry I can’t be there for you now.
I know you’re living in that hell.
I hope you find your way out.
I’m so sorry, Zeiro…
Forgive me.
I’m doing a video project that i will hopefully be able to show in school and i may put it on you tube.
It will basically be a video about people that have anything like depression, EDs, Suicidal thoughts etc.
I will have people send in video clips of them telling their story if they want or giving simple advice. Then i will have people at the end say things like stay strong etc
I really want to do this. Its something i’ve had planned for a while now. If your interested or want more details message me here:
http://our-silentscreams.tumblr.com/ask
or here
https://www.facebook.com/shannon.morley.96
It would also help if you could […]
Words are so beautiful.
So powerful.
A simple string of letters;
a certain arrangement of syllables and consonants and vowels,
that have the ability to move you.
A simple word can begin a friendship
or tear apart a family.
And as we go on each day
we speak only some of these beautiful words
while others sit in our minds
dancing on our tongue
behind our lips,
just desperately trying to escape.
Words are powerful
and beautiful
and meaningful
and life is nothing without them.
So why are we taught to hold our tongue
when some of us are dying to speak up?
And if one voice could be heard,
then that voice could be saved.
But instead we silence them
and teach them to be silent.
For the […]
This site. The blogs of others. The feeling that I somehow am not nearly as alone as I feel in all of this. I have always known that others feel the way I do. I knew I wasn’t the only one out there that curses each morning they wake up to see they’ve survived the night. But seeing others words, their stories. It’s comforting, in a strange way. Perhaps that is rude of me to say? I would never wish these morbidly comforting thoughts onto anyone else. I would never wish for anyone else to want to end their life. However, hearing people openly express their […]
Why does one person’s opinion that I don’t even care about bother me so much?
I’ve never understood this..     it makes no sense..
I’m not trying to make myself not care..     I really don’t care.
but it doesn’t matter..    it still bothers me..   makes me angry..
I don’t even care enough to say anything back to the person..    but it still bothers me?!
this happens to me a lot, and I never understand it..
they don’t even know anything about me..   why does it bother me?
maybe I’m just mentally ill   🙁
WHY?!
I found this site tonight after searching ‘what to do when you want to die.’ Â It’s an absurd thing to search…what to do. Â I am miserable because I failed to live up to my potential in pretty much every aspect of life, although what I once thought of as my potential may have been sort of make believe in the first place. Â I’m very smart, so I get how the world works to a certain degree. Â I made some choices early in life based on things I thought I understood. Â I thought it was important to exist outside the main stream of […]
Hi- I see a lot of posts about people cutting. Is there anyone out that who peel skin, specifically the skin on their lips? Â I’ve had the irresistable urge since childhood to peel the skin on my lips and I don’t know if I’m a weirdo/freak or what, but just wondering if I’m alone in this or is there anyone else who does this?
I don’t cut or do anything else. Â I don’t know if that’s worse/better/or if it’s essentially the same issue.
I am sick of not being loved and not loving anyone anymore. I am sick of not being sexually attractive to my husband. I am sick of 23 years of abuse by multiple people. I am sick of my severe mental illness. I am sick of nothing helping. Talking doesn’t help.
Medications don’t help. I am sick of the suicidal and homicidal thoughts. I just want to go away! The only way it can go away is for me to be gone. I can’t stand seeing my ex husband with someone else. I can’t stand that she is pregnant. I hate the fact that I am […]
We spend our lives
trying to Be.
Be better.
Be smarter.
Be stronger.
Be prettier.
Just- to Be.
Be someone worthwhile.
Of course we do.
Who doesnt wake up each morning
wth the hope
that someone is going
to fall for us?
We strive for that feeling
of acceptance
and love.
Yet how do we forget
to find love for ourselves;
while we wait for another
to find their love for us?
Oh, how naive the soul
that roams each street alone,
wishing to find somone to love them
enough to take away the pain.
We are raised to believe that love
is the greatest reliever.
It can heal the wounds
and warm the icy blood pulsing through our veins.
We believe that the love of another is enough
to wash away
all pain and […]
(I posted early, I know, but I didn’t fully express everything, it was a tad too vague since I am paranoid of exposing myself to most people.)
I am currently in a rather rough situation, I would love to know how to cope with all the things I deal with on a regular basis. I realized last night I really don’t know how to cope with anything, seeing as I lock everything away, hide behind a smile that no one can see behind since I am so good at hiding, or I obsessively cut myself, overdose on meds (Over the counter or prescription), do anything excessively […]
**This is a jumbled up mess…**
Ever wonder why you bother? I always do. I find nothing in life that is worth fighting for. I feel lost and alone. But I know I’m not. My family, friends, and girlfriend love me very much. It has been them that has kept me from following through with my dark thoughts. I’m writing here today because I made a pact with myself before I started college. If I could no go through with it, then I have nothing left to offer. I told myself it’s over once I get that email, letter, talking too. People saying you failed! Why bother?
It happened.
Now […]