General

My lungs hurt.. Groan for different air.., Each cold breathe crystalizes. My blue eyes long.. Long for something new to see.., Each glaze stings.. My ears ring.. Ring for something beautiful.. Each sound makes me weak.., Help me world.. I was there for you when you needed me, now where are you for me? I sit.. waiting to see your dark face appear from above.., wrap me up and let me be free. Suck me into your abyss.. Let me smile.. Let me laugh.. Let my skin glow.. Let everyone see whats been missing from my everyday. Let it. Let me. I gaze at your […]

I’ve been coming here / posting for several months now. I’ve read many of your posts and many posts from those who have followed through. I have found comfort and shared sadness. I’ve shared my pain and felt everyone else’s – even if I didn’t always comment. There were many times I wanted to write something but I was just too depressed so, I’m sorry.

I always thought I would leave a note or say goodbyes. I’ve said goodbyes but am no longer certain about a note. What’s the point? Who will really care or moreso, who will I hurt by doing so?

I always thought […]

People can email me if needed

I love people, but not myself.

Email me brl.cents@gmail.com

I know I’m going to kill myself.  Looking at everything life has to offer, it simply isn’t worth it to me. I haven’t set a date or anything, but the days where my head feels heavy and I can’t stop thinking about my death are occurring more and more frequently. My family is a healed-broken mess and I don’t have anyone to talk to.

The thing is, my life doesn’t suck enough for people to understand my thoughts. I think so too. My life is pretty good, comparatively, but there’s many things wrong at my core that’s just killing me. My inability to communicate successfully with […]

I can solve other ppl’s problems I just can’t solve my own 🙁

I’m 23. It’s been 3months since I’ve registered at this site. 6 months in depression. I won’t bother to type my story again since I’m tired of telling it. All that needs to be known is that I’m tired and sick of it all. I failed so many times and so many people. I failed myself as well. I should have bettered myself, I could have. Would, should, could. I’m tired of everything. The past 6 months has been nothing but darkness and sadness. It’s already been half a year, and I have gotten no where.. I’m trying my best to better myself, to keep […]

When you think about it, it’s a funny yet sad answer. At least to me it is. Because for me, the answer is that there is no point.

Was life supposed to be enjoyable? Fulfilling? For me it really hasn’t been.

Was I supposed to matter or contribute to something or someone? I really haven’t.

I’m sure some would disagree but for what little I have accomplished and for how shortly it lasted, the majority of my exsistance has had no meaning. No value. No worth. No point.

When there is no longer any point to something you quit. You cut your losses and just let it go – […]

I don’t know either.

As an Emphysema/COPD sufferer, and seeing as I write this that I have only 30% of my lung capacity, I will be thinking in the not to distant future as to how to go about making my death look like an accident.  I refuse to be hooked up to machines, wheeled to a window for a few hours a day, etc.  This is a quality of life issue for me.  For now, I am mobile and taking prescribed drugs for my conditions (add depression, chronic anxiety and panic attacks).  As this is my first post, I am asking for ideas.  I am already seeing a […]

This isn’t about suicide, but it is like a death of your sanity and free will.
Dark
They creep through the shadows before dawn breaks
To them night is day
And while we sleep they watch their prey
Up and down our bodies go
Letting air in ever so slow
dreams pierce our thoughts as we think not
To the outside wold oblivious.
In they creep with soundless movements
Ice wind follows them, a constant servant
But in our sleep we know not.
To our beds they slither, creep
And over our heads they plunge us to a dreamless sleep
Our dreams rush forth to […]

I opt out. As far as it is possible to opt out without ceasing to exist.

I prefer not to believe in truth, in knowledge, ethics. These things stand as provisional constructs in my mind; scaffolds on which I build the arguments I profess and the rest of my life. Belief in these things has utility; very well, I will profess a belief and use it. Having decided to do this at all, I will use everything at my disposal to achieve an outcome some might consider happy.

I would prefer not to believe that people care about me. It makes the inevitable departure easier. […]

Does anybody have any experience with running away from home? Really going away and really never coming back. I want to disappear without a trace and start my own live, away from my past, away from my problems.

These lyrics from the song by Tears for Fears always play in my head. It’s sad that it is a good song, yet these first lyrics.. these lyrics.

Welcome to your life

There’s no turning back

Even while we sleep

We will find you

Acting on your best behavior

Turn your back on mother nature

Everybody wants to rule the world

I cant do anything good. My life is a burden on my father. The only friend i have is my girl friend. I love her. We are best friends. But my father thinks that she is affecting my studies. She is not, my grandfather died and i was very close to him. After that i was never able to study or do anything properly. I kept on shrinking inside. No one loves me. And i dont want to be a burden anymore on my father, so i am giving up my life. I just want to meet my girl friend once and apologize to her […]

I was maybe 11yo  I was sitting on the toilet when my mother demanded I unlock the door or  she would beat me this was a daily thing for me but the angrier she was the worst the beatings were. I cringed as I unlocked the door ran back to the toilet to finish my business, before I could finish she came in grabbed me by the hair and threw me on the floor with a hardwood stick she began to beat me after she stated a couple of reasons for the beating she stopped and looked around and began to beat me again for […]

Just as i thought things were about to change.. I get pulled back into this never ending cycle of failure. Wish i could die i feel like im just wasting my time living if all im goin to be is a failure…

I think I’m depressed again. My best friend left without saying goodbye and I don’t have many friends. I’m really awkward. I try to be social but it doesn’t ever work because no one likes me. My family hates me and my grandma looks at me like she wants me dead. I live in a family full of people who make me feel worthless and unloved. I guess it doesn’t hurt that they hate me, it hurts that I’m too happy and too big of a coward to just die like they want me to. I live in a world full of people who hate […]

Depression is when people look at and treat you like you have a chronic, life threatening disease when in reality they think you are weak, selfish and simple minded. They keep their façade going to ensure society does not call them out and label them as “a bad, heartless person incapable of sympathy” without thinking of the consequences their actions may have.

That’s all I want in life.  I’m not asking for a lot- not asking to be rich and famous and have lots of frivolous and meaningless stuff.  All I’ve ever wanted since I was 7 was to have peace, happiness and love in my life.  Why is that too much to ask for?

I’ve had such a hard life.  I’ve been such a good person and I DESERVE those 3 things.  But no- why is life so cruel to me?  I’ve had nothing but pain in my life.  It’s just not fair.  And honestly, I really can’t take this pain and endless suffering anymore.  SO much […]

Removed to be safe