General

It’s like wanting to yell out for help

And then being scared of what might happen if you do

Of how it will affect your friends

Your family

Your loved ones

And you

So you find yourself hiding and fighting alone

And wishing it would disappear so you don’t have to feel at all

That’s what it’s like

When it creeps all of a sudden

When everything is fine

And glorious until then

And everything falls down

When you think it is fine

And you are stuck writing poems

To clear your mind

Wow that was a crappy poem but hey it’s how I feel….does anyone else get this?

I can’t handle the overwhelming feeling I have now. I’m in a very bad place right now and lately things are just getting worse.

My best friend is having seizures in front of me, my other friend is cutting all the time, and I lost the one person I fell in love with….

I just can’t handle it. I’m not ok and I’m not gonna pretend I am. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

It’s all over. Truthfully. I have who I need, and what I want, and finally the person I used to…really like I think he’ll be happy.

But I cut today. And I cut yesterday. And the day before. And before that.

I’ve taken many sleeping pills. I’ve cut deeper than usual.

When will I be done?

I’m not sure if this post would count as discussing ‘methods’, but it might give y’all a bit of a laugh.  It’s a community service announcement from Australia about train safety, and it has some cute characters going through various types of self-inflicted deaths. Hey, just because we’re depressed it doesn’t mean we can’t have a little chuckle now and then. 🙂

Dumb Ways To Die

New user….I can’t believe I feel so tired and yes hopeless in mylife that to end my life will be easier on everyone…including me…..

Trust is a total joke. It stresses me out. If it is human nature to constantly judge and second guess the people beside you, how are you supposed to trust someone?  A psychiatrist is closest thing I have had to a trustworthy person in the past five years. I mean at least I am paying this guy to judge me and to keep quiet. I don’t expect to trust every person I meet, but sometimes I feel like the closer I get to someone the more likely they are to let me down.

I was with my girl the other night and everything was going alright. […]

Hi. I’ve been having a difficult time with school. Im trapped with too much on my plate and feeling shame for being a “failure”. A number of times I’ve become suicidal this year. I know this is the worst sin yet but I have panic attacks and my mind goes on meltdown. Praying has helped when the panic attacks aren’t there. Otherwise i rely on benzos to calm me down which aren’t helpful for studying. Ive been trying to get medical help but I’ve been stuck in this Kafkaesque bureaucratic situation. Anyway, Im at a point where I sleep through the entire weekend and something […]

A few days a go, I finally got the guts up to break apart my razor and start cutting, because I was tired of feeling empty, just misery and nothingness, I wanted the rush of endorphins…I wanted to feel something new, anything new. I’m diagnosed as seriously depressed, I’m on medication for it but since dating someone after getting on the medication, thinking she was truly all and everything, wanting to marry her, have kids with her and start a life with her and then losing her the drugs aren’t enough…i’m back to my old cycle of happy for a while, sad for a lot […]

I was suicidal when I was younger, about 4 years ago. I didnt have any permanent problems then. I grew up, and with age my suicidal thoughts went away. Id have a spell after something bad, or when I was really lonley, but they were rare and eventually none at all. I’m 23 now.

I’m facing life in prison for a crime I didn’t commit. All the research I’ve done shows that innocent or not, on trials like this people usually convict regardless, unless there is overwhelming evidence for the defence, and then its still iffy.

I don’t have any overwhelming evidence. Hell I dont have any […]

I’m not sure why people here keep telling me things like, “Be kind without expecting anything.”  You can be kind to strangers without expecting anything but I think that friendship is ALL ABOUT expecting something from the other person.  You are there for them and you expect them to be there for you when you need it.  If that’s not happening, you’re not actually frineds.  Just casual acquaintences.  This is what’s happening to me.  Everyone I thought was my friend is just my acquaintence apparently.  I do all kinds of things for them.  Not only the material things like latting them crash at my place, […]

I don’t think anyone on here remembers me other than Duke, but, if you do, I just wanted to give an update.  I’ve moved back down to Memphis from Philadelphia.  I was there in the hospital for 5 weeks after trying my damnedest to stick it out in college.  Things fell apart.  I was a mess.  The outlook on my survival was not so hot.  But I lived through the attempt thank god and ended up in the hospital.  Mom couldn’t take it anymore after I went to the hospital this last time–it was time # 6–and decided to leave me in the hands of […]

of living when you’re a trans freak like me? i’ll never be normal. no one wants to be with me.

I promised I wouldn’t come back to this site…or any suicide site.  But here I am.  And I don’t really see the point in resisting.  If I feel like cutting myself senseless, feel like killing myself, isn’t it better to get it out rather than hold it in and suffocate to death?  Yes I should have kept my promise but I am screaming inside and I don’t think out of all the things I could do, that this is the worst, or the thing that would cut the deepest.  I just wish this pain would go away forever because I am so sick of it […]

Has anyone else lost that vibe, you know, that one you used to have when you were young, now a days it just seems like life is going downhill, faster and faster, people have tried to jump in front of me and they might have slowed me down a bit, but now i just seems like every things started to pick up again, all the dark thoughts have come back, i’m alone, all alone, no one here now but me, and these dark thoughts… and all because the vibe left, the vibe to live…

The scream

It reverberates in my head

Without ever leaving my lips

Winding and twisting and writhing in pain

It begs me to run

To yell

To be free of this ragged mess

They yell before me

And they cry

But my eyes are dry and uncaring

But behind my icy glare

I know I care

And I churn in pain

At their mounting rage

But what can I do

But what I do to myself

What can I do

To undo their mess

What can I do

To help their pain

All I can do is make my own

The temptation is there

One I push away

To claw at my skin

And watch it fall away

To see the blood dew

And listen to the yells

Inside my head

Until I […]