General

Please.. I beg you to stop blaming me for this.. You don’t realize it hurts so bad when you do.. What makes you think I would want myself to suffer like this? I’m starting to dislike you.. And I was just starting to like you again. Soon enough I’ll be gone.. Away from you. Far enough to not be remembered. But I won’t be sad about it, and neither should any of you. I’m already invisible to many. Today’s my birthday. 17.. I made it. Yes. My grandmas remembered.. Both of them and my mother.. No phone calls. Nothing. Maybe my thoughts will get the […]

Ive had a horrible life ffrom the get go. I was bullied and made fun of all thru grade school for my family being poor. Ive been raped. Beaten. I was never taught to deal with emotion just to shut it out and let it bottle up until i explode from it.  Im insecure and have no sense of self worth. I huffed gasoline for ten years to try and shut out the pains of my lif and it messed my brain up the doctors sad it looked fine on any test they did but i know something s wrong and noone will listen.  I […]

January needs to come

Theirs times I just want to sit down and cry
Theirs time I just want to lay down and die
These memories and pains are scard inside
My feelings are Somthing I just cannot deny

I feel alone, I’m stuck in my past
Ohh how I wish these feelings won’t last
I have no family, I have no one
I have nothing, all I need is a gun…

I want to die
Ohh well I might take my own life
I don’t understand why people lie

Ohh lord just kill me now
Give me a Gun, so it can say POW POW!
If I’m finally gone
Heaven will […]

And no idea how to change it. Is it wrong that I come here to feel normal? To feel like I actually belong? No one wants to know me in real life, unless they need me to do something, or want sex! Apparently it’s one of the few things I do well 🙁 in the last 2 weeks I’ve slept with 2 different guys, one of whom has a girlfriend of 2 years, I’ve fancied him for ages and really thought that would be the turning point, he’d actually see me and be with me. But of course not, I’m not good enough for that! […]

— while I typed that I heard the melody of a song Muspelhem wrote once in my head.

I think I should look more into hanging. There are no other sensible options.

I stood on the trainstation again today. I went home and I looked at all the trains passing by. And I felt this urge to just run across the platform and jump. I always freeze. My heart will start racing and I can feel the adrenaline rushing through my body. Yet I cannot move.

Fuck.

I wish I had more courage.

Ive decided 7 months ago..January will be the month, right after new years cuz i wanna party, get so fukkD up for new years then go out with a bang..lol Not to mention have plenty of sex, which i get anyway.. but im gonna get more then ever b4 these last two months… so my plan is simple… take a large quantity of pain meds, then hang.. or gp get the charcol gas grill and use it in my car, which is painless and quick… damn… cant wait… hopefuly il make it two more months, stleasy to see obama get re elected.

It’s been a pretty intense day. I’m at a pretty low ebb and all day I’ve felt really emotional. Mainly just really sad, it comes over me in a wave and makes me feel nauseous, and I want to cry. Cutting through that, I find myself smiling and laughing cos shit is so absurd 🙂 I’m a big beiliever in people and people have been really good to me today, very patient and kind. I think that maybe they can sense that I need that at the moment without realsing it. It takes about ten minutes to walk to my car after work and I […]

I’m new to this. So I’m just gonna start of with this. I don’t even know why I try to be happy anymore. All I am is just a worthless piece of shit. I’m no good for anything so I may as well just kill myself already. I’ve never actually attempted but I’ve been so close so many times. Many suicide notes have I written, just waiting for someone to read them as I’m just laying there dead. I fucking wish that for just one day I can be genuinely happy. I think that the only reason I still live is because of my seven […]

Conversation..

Person 1: what are those scares from?
Me: These scars? There battle scars.
Person 2: what or who where you battling?
Me: myself.

Suicide thoughts are just that thoughts, anyone crieing out about this needs help, as very few will even attept it. I on the other hand am way beyound it, and now found a more appropriate measure stay here and engulf the punishment inflick as much pain and long as possible. This will kept you isolated within your own mind, until !!!

Ok, so by the title yu can see that im new soo i dont really know what to say right now. im 16 years old, my daddy died a month ago. he was my rock, the only person i really had… but now that he passed i live with my drunk whore of a mother. shes told me 100 times she doesnt care about me. she calls me a ***** and a slut. i know ima slut but im honestly not a *****. i can act lik a ***** when someone gives me a reason but other than that im a nice person. iv been […]

I don’t even know why I made this. I’m just so depressed right now. Even when I’m happy I could kill myself. Honestly the only reason I’m still here is my family. They’ve already been through so much shit. And I don’t want them to blame themselves. But I’m just always so fuking sad. I don’t see my life ever changing. Isn’t it wrong to keep someone here who hates it so much? I think so. I’ve been trying for so long, but things never get better, only worse. I’m sacred about what comes after death though ya know? I just want to die and […]

Nothing matters anymore. I’ll end this freakin’ shit on Monday. I already bought all my remerons and tomorrow I’ll buy some alcohol. It should do the job.

Seriously, nothing matters. I was once told: “you always feel this and that and it never matters a damn thing.” And now everything I do makes my bf who I live with, upset. If I feel bad about him calling me names, or leaving all the household choirs for me, or him being in the internet with his cell when we’re doing something together, I am a drama queen who’s always mad about everything he does. I have to feel […]

Okay, so I find myself coming on to this site for emotional support, even though I only made an account yesterday. So anyways, let me tell all of you on here now, that I’ve recently started cutting. I’ve been cutting for about a month now, and I can’t say that I’m proud of it, cause I shouldn’t be, that’s why I hide it behind my clothes and bracelets, etc. but one day, I decided to tell my friend L. who also cuts, so I thought she would empathize with me. She did, she really did. she asked me why, and at the time I said […]