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Special thanks to those who showed such an unselfish interest in me, Jael85, s2419, and mimito. Â Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories and feelings. Â Making those connections with my own life gave me a footing to sort out my next step without taking my long vacation to nowhere. Â I’ve backed away from the edge enough to take a breath. Â We’ll see.
Evolution all the way!
I will and always do what I want, how i want, when i want and where i want… and i will never change.. 😉 so these sperits around me need to relize that i will never change… so they can fuck off 😉
Back again.. so i still have my plan..inching closer by the second, I dont plan on seeing 2013..anyway.. for all who know me, I am and have been having a sex spree.. and frankly dont give a fuck if i catch HIV… abyway..plan is sex,sex and more sex then im going to attempt for the 5th time to die… dame a month left to go… seems so far away but so close too..
Dear Frnds.,
for wat sake we are living i dont know somebody they have their own suggestions to die but some body will not tell wat is the problem in his life dats y  they will not tel they are commiting sucide . friends let me know one thing about the real life suspecting the depression to die some dody has to die. example take my life only i sincerly and very mostly loved one in this world i swear that my gf was did like this she was  getting far day by day i loved her a lot since past  4 years but she went […]
So it’s been 5 days since I last posted on here. Ever since I wrote on here I’ve been thinking about suicide constantly. Last night I went and drove around, just to think. I ended up parking by a bridge in the middle of no where and thinking for hours. Its really comforting the more I’ve thought about it. I’ve gone as far as making my plan and writing my notes. 5 more days, just 5 more. Life is too damn depressing and repetitive.
I don’t want to sink in this ocean called life.
When I think About You
When I think about you
I wonder if you feel whispers biting at your ear
Attempting to notify your heart
Do you hear
That you are the pinnacle of a little boy’s thoughts?
I fear
Every time my memory drops an ice cube down my back
Kissing each vertebrae cold
That you are thinking about me in a shade too close to black
Because in my thoughts exhausted by you
I only concoct colors of yellow and blue
I wonder if your mind paints pictures of me
The same ones I draw of our fingers wrapping warmly
Do you […]
im thinking about taking every single pill in this house at once and cut my wrists
i need help…i need to be locked up away from everything and everyone, but i have no insurance and no money…part of the reason im ready to go through with this…please, someone tell me theres something i can do…i am gonna do this
I have been cut free for a year as of last week. I have never known any cutters other than myself, but that maybe because I never told anyone . No why would they expect that the laughing funny guy is just a mask to hide my rotting face behind.Even though its nearly killed me several times I still want to cut. When I cut I pretend I was a surgeon and I was just performing an operation, nothing was solved but nothing mattered.Does this ever go away? Its funny, such a little piece of metal can control me so easily.I cut  off one eyebrow […]
hopeless
i am shocked at this ability to type
i feel completely lifeless
how could i possibly move when i am so horribly heavy,
too heavy to budge
i wish i could turn into a wall so i could observe the world and never move or speak and nothing much would be expected of me.
i can keep secrets and be painted to look pretty, and i’ll hold your pictures and shelves,
if only you leave me be
i need company tonight
know that feeling when you take a deep breath and realize you hadn’t been breathing for a little while?
my chest gets tight and my entire body tenses, and i don’t realize it until i relax, but not tonight.
tonight i’ve got an incredible song on, looking out on my beautiful city, just spent some time with my best friend, and still can’t breathe deep enough to feel okay.
i’m just so deep down cold kind of sad and scared and it’s so impossible to shake tonight.
I ask if some of you can take a minute to read something of mine. Its not special. I used to love writing. Poetry and the art of literature was my passion. Unfortunately like most of me.. it has died. I wrote something for the first time in many years tonight.. As I keep myself from wishing I could end my life.
Ugh.. fuck! I’ve always hated my birthday.
You used to be there. Holding me tight; you made me whole.
You were my love, my heart, and everything in between. Until you peered into my soul.
I asked you to stay. You told me no.
Why did I have […]
so, first off im happy today:) (but its night so that will change im sure.) but one thing is really annoying me and probably always will cause i will never understand what goes thru my friend’s mind.
he says his life will go dark without me (saying i die) cuz im his best friend and he has no one else..? ok cool. understand that. he says im amazig and the bestest friend ever? i dont believe it cuz i have proof im not: first, im not that nice i complain and get depressed and hes the ONLY one i talk to when i […]
Ever lived my life or spent on minute in my shoes? No! Well then please, tell me why you judge me like you do. Life is a dream upon which death awakens us… Not all dreams are good… not all dreams are bad… Do you want to wait for one’s death to understand or to care?
Each day everyone of us face many obstacles at almost every walk of life. Sometimes it’s hard to explain. We go through stress, anger, hurt and pain. There’s moments of sadness, frustration, and even depression. Sometimes we feel incredibly insane. Then there’s moments when some of us feel like giving […]
this world is fucked up,im so sick of people,why do these heartless bitches have to exist,you wake up in the best mood ever,then you run into some random ***** that has to make a comment or get rude with you,or a dirty ass fucking look,people are such assholes.what is the point of life?its hard as hell and theres an obstical everywere you turn,its so much eiser to be depressed than happy,cause you take one look at this world and it makes you want to vomit.atleast with me,speaking for myself,
Life is so impossible. I mean you look at other people, and their lives seem so great. But then I think about myself…I have nothing to live for. The feeling of worthlessness and feeling inadequate follows me everywhere.
Is it fated that I won’t be happy? All I really want is to be happy. I’m hung in a bad place, where I can’t get down from and the outlook is horrid.
I do not know how I make it through each an every day. I am a survivor, I am strong. I have been through enough to make some people cringe.  Lately though, the thoughts are returning and things have not been alright. They have always been there, but I thought I had control over them. I no longer do.  I have to have distractions constantly. What do you do when you don’t have a television or a computer? I have a passion for sketching, but that doesn’t take you far away, actually I am sketching things that happened the other night, which makes it worse. I […]
Here’s a little about me. I’m a girl. I’m 17.
I’m bipolar.
It’s hard living with it. I don’t take medication for personal reasons.
One thing I hate is when people say suicide is selfish. In a sense it is, but people say those words out of ignorance. Nobody knows what that person was feeling, how hard their life was, or their reasons.
Bipolar disorder causes me to do some really crazy (and generally dangerous) things. It’s an odd thing, because I do these things in a snap decision, and then afterward think “that was stupid of me” – though I don’t think through the consequences at the time.
I’ve […]
Tonight is another one of those nights that I just really want to end my pain. It doesn’t help that it is gross outside… like gray and cold and shit. I am always affected by the weather… probably have that SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder thing.
I tried pulling myself out, by attempting to pretend that i am taking care of myself. I even bought groceries today, and I am chronic meal skipper. I got a haircut too, and I still feel the same. It is like I am trying to force myself to feel better, convince myself I am not a screw-up. Even though I know […]
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