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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66iq40acSGM
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So, i’m seeing a counsellor at the moment, she is great. I can only see her every two weeks which is good because then we have a lot to talk about.
But i don’t feel any better, i want to cut more than anything tonight. I have so much stress in my life and i feel like i will be consumed by it soon if i don’t hurt myself soon.
I found out one of my only chances to get out of this damaging household fell through recently, so i got my iPod and just kept walking, and walking and walking. I don’t remember much but then […]
Someone called me a suicide project vetren. It kind of boothered me.. It made me feel like he or she thinks that if you enter this website, you’ll end up “dying”. Thats not true. Someone talk to me. I want to help! I want to show people, you can do it. Even though things don’t get better all the time, that doesnt mean there arent people out there to help.
…to antidepressants, please read:
http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/anxiety-disorders-discussions/general-support/1150319-the-deadly-toxic-fluoride-in-your-antidepressent
Do you not understand I care about you more than anything? I hope you do. And if you don’t I wish you did. Do you not realize I love you for who you are? I enjoy being close friends with you. I really do! I do… That is even more than I asked for. The least I wanted was us to be friends. Or me to have a friend at all! But I got more. I got a best friend! A very special person to me. You care and love me. It meant so much to find that from someone! You changed the way I […]
It goes without saying that this song is a classic, and deals with the theme of wanting to die and being alienated from the culture around you. The only difference between him and us really is he’s a fictional rock star jaded with feeling isolated, his shallow existence and the trappings of fame…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ln-j8MpRBE
Things are seeming more and more clear. I browse the internet for one morning , roughly 1am to 5am, and I am just flooded with stories of police tyranny . This is a huge problem for me. I know police are assholes and everyone hates them ,I know. This is a part of a bigger picture for me. They are just the bottom foot soilers and their generals are the ones that live in the big buildings and hog all the country’s money for themselves even after they retire.
It sent a message to me that if these “troops” can brutalize and trap anyone at will, […]
I think I have the worst nostalgia in the world. Almost anything can remind me of some moment in the past, and it’s a constant everyday thing that happens to me. I’m not sure if this happens to everyone but regardless of what the memory was, I get extremley sad. I could’ve been happy in the memory, or sad, or mad, or curious, it doesn’t matter. I always get sad from ANY memory. This honestly sucks, especially since I’m trying to keep away from getting depressed again.
Recently, I’ve been doing so well at being okay. These past few days though, have been difficult. I’m just so […]
Well i guess the title says it all, i’m just here the for same reason a lot of you are here for. I wanna lend an ear, i wanna be someone that will listen and be there for you guys through all the stuff you’re going through. I’ll try to give any advice or feedback that i possibly can but i just want you people to know that i’m here for you. The awesome thing about this is that it’ll be easier because we’re not talking face to face and i know for a fact that sometimes that can feel a little weird or awkward. […]
Let me begin by telling a little about me. I grew up experiencing every type of abuse there is and had many traumatic  experiences. I never got over any of this and just pushed it to the side like it didn’t exist, tried to live a normal life. Then in my adult life I’ve had problems with the law, drugs, and married for all of the wrong reasons. Life went on and I had a son, he became everything to me, he was my whole life. That’s where things fell apart…..
Around 4 years ago my son died and every problem I’ve ever had came back […]
Sitting here alone in a parking lot in the middle of the night wondering what it would be like if I could just post my location on the net and have someone –a stranger– come along and shoot me in the head about 8 times. Some sicko can get off without fear of being caught as there would be no connection between us and I could escape this life without leaving the legacy of suicide for my kids.
My birthday was a week ago.
but I needed to spell this out somewhere. I’m tired of spelling it out to myself when I already have heard it a million times.
I hate my birthday. Every year it comes and it reminds me of all the pain I’ve lived with, how long I’ve dealt with shit and have never had help, and it reminds me of how long I’ve lived and have seen, heard people say that they don’t know me when they see me everyday. It reminds me of every failure. It reminds me of all those things people have said to me. I wasn’t planned, […]
i have nothing. i have no one. i thought you cared, but i guess you don’t. and no one else does either.
i’m worthless. i can’t even take myself anymore, i just want to die. die, and just never feel anything anymore. i’m sick of feelings, i’m sick of these feelings. i want them to go away. the only way i can do that is to die.
i’m tired of everyone’s thoughts about me. look what i’ve become. are you proud that you’ve made me feel completely horrible once again? are you happy i’m drowning in my misery even more? does it make you smile to see […]
Tl;dr at bottom
I have a decent life despite it all. My needs are met. A couple of my shallow wants, too.
I’m 20 living with my mother and sister with cerebral palsy.
Because of my sisters cerebral palsy, our lives are sheltered. We rarely go out since she causes a scene and is very disruptive.
Our small town has become the cradle that we remain tethered to. As a kid, I’d beg my mom to get us out of here, even just for a trip. Never happened. I settled into it over the years. Now, I’m hesitant to even leave the house. My mom has an unhealthy dependence […]
So it’s been another year. Today is your birthday again.
I’m dying inside. I thought I could get over it, but I can’t. I guess I can’t get over the fact that no matter what I say, no one will ever believe me. Everyone wishes you happiness. Everyone says you deserve to be happy and you deserve peace. But what about me?
I’m the only one who knows what you really did.
But it’ll never matter. Even if I told all of your friends and family about what you really did to me, they’d still cherish you. They’d still love you. No matter what I do or say, […]
It’s been a while since i thought about suicide, last time i attempted a few different ways and it became more about self harm than death. Now i am stressed and feeling those emotions returning. I guess what I want to say is holy goodness fuck tthis is hard to fight. Like beating a wet sack thats lodged inside me. mmk yep
No. I can’t handle seeing it. It is making things worse again. Normally when she is sad she will text me. Telling me her situation. And then asked for a hug. Why hasn’t she done that yet?
I am hoping tomorrow she will come talk to me I really need a hug from her too. 🙁
Fuck everything. And life. I would end it. But she told me it would kill her if I did. I can’t imagine what she would do. And I don’t want to.
I can’t stand it when religious fanatics say that “God gives people only what they can bear”.If that were true there would be no suicides.I was an evangelical christian at one time.
Trying to think what it is I normally see.. same ol same ol. Why expect anything new to happen. Closed in and I don’t make friends so… whatever.