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What needs to end?
Me.
I need to end.
Life’s getting out of control.
What needs to end, is me.
But I have to stay strong, and keep going.
Things will get better over time.
Who am I kidding.
It will just get worse over time.
I want to thank everyone, who brings me down, so low.
So low in fact, I have thoughts of killing myself.
And when the day comes, that you bring me so low. So low where I can’t get back up & brush myself off.
I hope […]
someone once told me
“youe need to be selfless and put on a smile and pretend your ok because everything you do efects the people you love and the people around you”
so thats what ive been doing my entire life hiding my pain my regret my longing everything i dnt smile anymore at least not a real smile or a real laugh
i thought he was the only one who cared because he understood but i guess i was wrong
my parents both told me they didnt want me living with eather of them
yes im lost and i dnt think ill ever be found
im surounded by darkness but i […]
Wrapped in a catacomb, bound by my fears
Insanity knocks, as doomsday is near
I open the door, and let it walk in
To take me to ruins, to show me the end
Lucid at times, and fearing what’s next
But insanity reassures me, I’ll enjoy the big wreck
I’ll glow in the torment, that takes over my mind
And relish in darkness, that is so easy to find
I will walk in the pestialance, that grows oh so near
But will not feel the sickness, as I face my own fear
I glance at the shell, that once held my life
And I know now at […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JJGm79WT7E
So I consumed alcohol for the first time, for no reason. I’m 14 years old, by the way. For the past few days I have not sense much depression, but mild anxiety. I have not eating that much except being in extreme thirst for the past two days, and today for the first time I had the strong urge to consume a fruity cocktail. (clearly has alcohol) And I’m sort of craving for more, but not going to.
Why is it that I had this sudden urge too? It’s a fruity flavor alcohol as well, and I added it onto my juice…
I’ve landed back at my mom’s after yet another bipolar misfortune and It’s just torture to see how happy they are here. I am the weird vampire with  permanently shut curtains in an enclosed chamber that forcibly goes out only when strictly necessary. Still the door is not thick enough to prevent my family’s loud and constant laugher from reaching my ears. I get to hear their phone conversations and how they constantly make plans to meet others, go out to restaurants, country houses, trips and even to have sex. I want to strangle them. They once asked me, would you rather all of us […]
I feel dead. I feel worthless. I feel useless. I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I feel pathetic.
I lack any positive feelings. All day. Everyday.
Dread fills my mind, body & soul.
I want it to end.
I want to end it.
I don’t have it in me to go on with any of it.
I just want it all to end.
I wish I knew what happened to that cheerful, would-be artist of yesteryear. I’m always longing to return to the days when I felt the passion and joy of artistic creation. Painting fixed everything back then, now it feels like a chore. I hardly draw anymore and even my recent fascination with writing is fading away. The bad days are beginning to outnumber the good, but I’m too scared to end it all. I’m not a good person, but I want to change. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to change! I hate myself and I don’t know why, but I can’t make it stop and […]
Sex: No matter what trends come and go, no matter what the politicians, priests and parents tell you, sex will always be a priority. Scientists rank it as #2, just behind self preservation. Religions can tell you it’s good or bad, government can control it or liberate it, parents can condone it or forbid it…all in all, you’re still going to have sex. It is the primal urge that supersedes anything that anyone could ever teach you. It is the “animal” in us that refuses to die.
Drugs: The drugs referred to in the phrase “sex, drugs and rock and roll are considered “recreational drugs”. Most […]
I am a 40 year old married father of 2 piece of shit. I have been trying to kill myself since the age of 8 and never finished the job because I am afraid. I am diagnosed w/ bi-polar disorder/PTSD/ADHD. I am unemployed and draining the life out of my family. I have no purpose on this earth, no talent and no drive. I am on 6 medications and my wife has been stealing my anti-anxiety, ADHD and sleeping meds. When I confront her she just denies everything and says I’m crazy. I may be emotionally disabled, but I am not retarded, so […]
The worst place is being stuck somewhere between life and death. Having given up living or making any real effort at life I’m just stuck in this degenerative state. Void of hope or plans or positivity, I’m just here existing, barely. Watching painfully as everyone else around me if moving forward and I just seem to be sinking deeper and deeper daily. A therapist I saw a few times asked me if I was going to kill myself, I told him that I was more scared that I would not be able to than if I would. I don’t have a plan only […]
I love my friends with all my heart, but it really seems like they just don’t care about me. Saying they do is one thing, but doing is another. Whenever they need help, I’m there. Whenever they need anything, I’m there. It could be just a small problem and I’ll listen to them no matter what. I have picked them up in the middle of nights many times. I do things without expecting a thank you in return. But whenever I’m feel sad or hurt they just give some one-liner bullshit like “Oh, I’m sorry.” Then they move on with their day. I’ll be honest […]
I just want to end my life. There doesn’t seem to be any reasons to stay…
The caving sinking feeling,is back. its back and i cant handle it anymore. they were supposed to get better. they were supposed to be looking up…but im falling back down again, back into the darkness, back into the misery that never ends. And now its back…its like a relapse….and i know this time theres no coming out. i know this time its it. i know this time i wont fail.
Suicide I Can Never Complete
My empty blue eyes can see no way out,
My soul keeps on screaming but no one can hear,
Life is my prison and I can’t break out,
But I try, and try, and try.
The brightest colors no longer exist,
Black and grey is all there’s left now,
You try to reach out,
But I’m too far away now.
Don’t say that I’m smart,
And don’t call me beautiful,
Even if you mean it,
I can’t tell the difference between truth and a lie.
I’ll drown in the tears I can no longer cry,
And I’ll swallow the pills I can never […]
I feel pathetic and like I am headed no where. When I am brave  enough to talk to my mother about how I am feeling, she doesn’t even care or attempt to understand. She tells me how ungrateful I am and always makes me feel guilty about how much money she spends on me, yet when I give her the money back she refuses it. Last night my brother kicked me in the chest while we were in the car – hard. I couldn’t breathe and felt as though I had the wind knocked out of me. She told me that we would go to […]
Back in January of this year (2012) I lost one of my best friends. (Please read it all)
I have always struggled with my own depression since I was about 12 years old. Ironically, I was severely depressed about the prospect of death. I didn’t want it to happen, ever. I knew it would come one day as it does for all humans, but I didn’t want to accept that fact. I wallowed away for so long. Day after day I would come home from school and just fall asleep on the couch and do nothing. It took me nearly two years to come out of […]
I have thought and battled trust me, I have got myself out of some really downward states. the thing is though I cant change my life, my external life, Ive changed my internal one but my external one remains empty. I struggle to accept that while I am good looking/ wise/ good hearted/ fun (if im in the right mood) my looks and who I am just means nothing to the majority of women. I guess my problem is in my empty life that I have come to rely on dating sites instead of real life.
Im 34 , good looking and the only woman who seems into me […]
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