General

This post is dedicated to Pepperpep4. Who I hope is still with us and managed to get the help she needs… If not, I hope you’re in a better place. Beautiful Angel <3 The title is from a song that she shared shortly after she… well… you already know that part.

But yeah, Basically I’ve came to a lot of realizations this week.. And i’m just glad it’s nearly over. It seems all I have done is tried to keep other people happy. Maybe that’s all i’m good for …. Keeping people happy, Even in what might be their last moments… Maybe my time will come. […]

havent been on in a really long time, im alright. incase anyone was wondering.
ive started going to therapy. its helping a bit. still depressed tho. but ive been having more highs than last year. so thats great!
friends are still the same :/ which sucks. thought grade 10 would be different. but it isnt. oh well. what am i suppose to do???

i really like this guy at my school. and im actually talking to him! if this was lastyear. i wouldnt of said a word to him. so i think im going good!
blehh. i wish i could just get better already. my next […]

I feel highly frustrated with my incapabilities and shortcomings. I feel like breaking down every instance i realise I’m so flawed and not good enough. I really don’t know why i say things without thinking. I don’t know why i keep complaining. I don’t know why i am so insensitive.

I am working with this group of people and my leader gave a piece of peer evaluation sheet with other peers’ comments in order to help us improve as a person. But seeing how the negative points take 7/8 of the page just makes me feel so crappy and so shitty.

What is the point of trying […]

Hi guys i’ve posted on this quite a bit earlier on this year but the difference this time is that i’m feeling a LOT better! I know you’ll read this and probably think ‘she’s wrong’ or ‘i dont care what she’s saying’, because i would’ve probably thought the same thing in your position. However i can hand-on-my-heart say that you will overcome this and feel so much better. This is just a dark patch we unfortunately have to tackle unlike the majority of ‘cheerful’ people we have to put up with daily. Somehow you will survive this and will be amazing, you will be able […]

Never found these kind of sites remotely interesting before, but thought I’d give it a try..

For about a year now I’ve had thoughts of killing myself, but they were only thoughts.. Lately they’ve become more than that.
I have about 3 or 4 people I call close friends, but I only ever tell one of them anything that really matters. Recently I told that person that I was contemplating overdosing and he told me that if I was ever doing any of those drugs, even if I wasn’t ODing, he’d come get me.  Today I was at the beach and all day with 5 or […]

i want to go home

My life…

Grew up witnessing my father mentally and physically abusing my mum. Even saw him raping her when I was about 9.
Cut off contact with him completely when I was 18, my brothers still see him which disgusts me.

Got into my first serious relationship at 18, was with him until I was 30. Still friends.

Got into a relationship a couple of months after with someone who I now realise is a sociopath. I was completely in love with him though, crazily in love and was about to move in with him before it finished. He always put me down, was very controlling and lied […]

This is all the shit in my life and its so long because there is so much shit in my life…

In my teenage years i had almost no friends and pretty much only met with my cousins who ditched me and my brother pretty quickly after they went back to the school all their friends were at. Then my cousins left and I officially went out a few times in the 7 months they were gone. Then my parents were in a car accident that left my father paralysed and my mother dead. I then convinced my father to let me and my siblings move […]

Offingself soon prepare for death, if there is anything you want to do now is the time because soon none of this will exist matter whatever

There are so many things that i want to do but i don’t want to do them at the same time. What do i really want anymore? It drives me crazy to be constantly at war with myself,everyday I wake up and wish i hadn’t. Then later on in the day i fight my suicidal thoghts because imafraid of dying and its a neverending cycle. I can’t escape it and it makes me feel torn apart and like i’m going to lose my head.

I have one person that insists i tell her everything, but when i do, she doesn’t know what to say to me. She doesn’t understand why I feel ab certain way or why i behave a certain way. Its so difficult to try to explain things to her and then she gets mad because i don’t give her a good answer. I can’t keep telling her things because i can’t explain anything and she doesn’t want to listen just interrogate me and i cannot stand it any longer.
But i don’t know what to do without her… i am too dependent on her […]

right now…a knife is sounds amazing think ima grab one and play with it…just need blood..or someone…or death. hmmm yeah:/

For some reason it occurred to me this evening that I’ve never told anyone my story. Ever. So now it’s time to. I guess I need to start at the very beginning. Apologies; conciseness isn’t my thing.

It was fall of 2008. I was a senior in high school. I was on top of the world, and I had no idea.

I had a boyfriend. It wasn’t anything serious, but I really liked him. More than any guy I’d ever dated. My friends and I had just had the most amazing summer -we’d discovered the fun that alcohol could bring us. I had a best friend who […]

Theres something about knowing you will die soon, and it triggers fun for me, im living to the fullest my last weeks and having the time of my life, ive had all my dreams come true already so now that shit has beyond hit the fan, im so ready to die, i cant take anymore, i dont want to live, nothing will keep me from suicide, its what i need to do… but advice for you, live to the fullest before you decide to end your life.. the way my life is, i wont be ariund to see 2013 and i do look forward […]