General

I went to a birthday BBQ  today .. people were cheerful, there was more than enough cake .. it felt nice to be there

when it was time to leave, I was supposed to say good bye to everyone (a tradition) and I thought:

“what’s the point ? I’m gonna meet those people again .. say hi and good bye again .. fuck this shit”

so I went straight to the car

my reaction = the result of sthg that’s been building up for the past 5+ years

in life it’s always the same faces, always the same convos, always the same laughs and complains ..

always the same scripts and […]

I can’t do this anymore even if i really wanted too

Why can’t I die… I am done and I just want to end my life now

It’s the only thing that helps, and I don’t mean sex, I mean love, pure unconditional. Without any bullshit or demands. Just you and me embracing each other and hugging away the pain.

Hi, this is my frist post……

  I want to die and take my mom down with me. She has crushed me in so many ways I am sick of living. I am 12 years old, my mom drinks, smokes, and abuses. I have tried suffocating my self in water and with a pillow, I couldnt go through it…. I cant use a car because I don have a garage.. Since I just started 7th grade, it makes me depressed, I hate all of my teachers. I know they airnt there to be my friends but, its all the homework.  I had have depression since I […]

drinking alone
it is better to be alone than in bad company

I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt this awful.  Except maybe when I found out Amber was dead.

I feel sick.  Exhausted.  I spent so much of last night crying and then I couldn’t sleep.  I felt so tired it hurt, but I just couldn’t seem to fall asleep.

I’m considering calling my school’s on-call psychologist, but I’m scared.  Either that it won’t help or that they’ll try to force me into a hospital.  I wish I could talk to my girlfriend, but I’m 99% positive that she’s going to break up with me.  I’m not sure I can hear that right now.  I don’t want to […]

i loved inception but what a reckless thing to do, releasing it to the public without some sort of disclaimer for those with depressing thoughts. when im at my lowest, i half believe that theres a mystical force moving everything around me so as to push me toward suicide, that i’ll wake up from this nightmare if i just end it all. inception has made all those thoughts a bit more defined. fuck.. good thing i’m mostly a nihilist and dont believe in anything or else i might have killed myself before the end credits finished rolling.

I plan to kill myself. Say what you please, everything will just strengthen my point.

For the past year all I can think about is dying and killing myself. I have no confidence, I have social anxiety, everyone thinks I’m weird and annoying, I don’t think I’m pretty at all, no one likes me at home and I barely have any friends. I just wanna die and I’m always thinking to myself “maybe I should jump in front a car” and I’m always wishing for someone to just kill me already with a gun, knife, car, or anything cause I’m afraid to kill myself cause I don’t want people to think I’m selfish and stupid because what if I fail? […]

They’re coming.  I see it every night.  At risk of sounding like a 2012 buffoon I truly believe the End Times will arrive in our lifetimes.  The foundations of society are eroding beneath us.  Even in America the chaos is getting harder to ignore.  Every other week we hear about another man going on a shooting spree.  Violence is ramping up everywhere.  Racism and hatred have turned the human heart into rotten mush.  The truly good people are quickly being outnumbered by the fast breeding emtpyheads.  A world with only emptyheads is not a world at all, but a timebomb.

So why am I telling you […]

Is it a nice, warm fuzzy feeling?  Or an annoyance?