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i hate myself, my body. everything. people always tell me to gain weight, or i look disgusting. im 5’7″ and 100 pounds. i look in the mirror and see nothing but chubbiness. im a big box of chubcicles< well that atleast made me laugh haha, i think that’s what makes it worse i’ll laugh it off today then tomorrow i’ll hate myself again for it. i reallly need to learn how to deal with things): ijustt dont know how.
I am 16 years old. I am not welcome into my own home. I have always been an outcast my whole life. I’m a freshmen.
I play sousaphone in marching band.
I am on depression, anxiety and scizo meds.
My best friend got in a car wreck and died.
My mom tells me I’m useless, I’m nothing.
I write poems. I’m put down for them.
a total of 10 friends of mine have killed themselves.
I’m too fat to eat…I’m 197 pounds. I don’t eat.
I cut myself a lot. I have tried suicide.
And i have a therapist. She doesnt help.
i am […]
This is me i seem like a normal girl wright wrong ive had a life of hell started self harming when i was 7 by sticking pins in my skin then it got mad when i was 10 i started cuting with a saving razor then a pencial razor by 12 by the age of 13 i was cutting with a real razor and still am i some times wanna use a knife but aint got the guts i have been told i have bipolar depression […]
Please leave my head.. I know I lost you so long ago. I feel you when I’m alone.. I feel you when I feel the steel pressed to my neck as I contemplate.. or the barrel on my forehead as I debate…
Why as humans are we so easy to hurt?
We were made for each other all i ever wanted u to know is i always love u we may be seprated by deeath but when ur gone what i need to hear i cant the only happness get is when i cut myself or dream of u being next to me why r u the one who had to get stabbed why wasnt it me do u know how much i need u my heart is missing u no matter who im with it want be the same even if i am 15 I MISS YOU MARTIN
i imagine what it would be like to cut my stomach open. seeing my insides pour out. my intestines falling, when i picture it its all in black in white. black blood flowing threw my fingers, down my legs on my pale skin. letting people see that i really just might be cold blooded on the inside
This is just a list of thoughts that I feel guilty about and wish I could tell different people. I’m willing to give further explanation if it’s needed, but yeah, I don’t expect anyone to ask or care or anything, it’s just a way to get it all out.
1. I should have got you both help rather than trying to be superwoman. I mean making a mistake once is bad, but making it twice is worse…
2. I should have never told what happened. Now we both feel guilty.
3. I should have tried to make things right earlier rather than letting you suffer alone
I’,m 14 years old, & I’ve never really tried to kill myself but i had a thoughts..I’ve been stabbing my pillows & trying to cut my thighs & stuff because, ever since i was young my grandmother seemed like she never could accept the fact of my birth & my father the first time i met him i was 4 years old he abused me ever since i was little until i kept growing older & it kinda cooled down, he always use to sit on me hold my breath , he use to lock me in closets, abuse me with belts,sticks, fists, he did so much to me i […]
Being happy and staying happy is really hard. I got a job today that I’ve wanted for months, so I was happy. So happy I screamed LOUD! And then like five hours later, I got into a shouting match with my stepmom – again. And then I screamed again – also loud.
I just get so stressed living here that I keep getting these thoughts – that I could just…. you know. A lot of people see me as “the happy […]
So im 14 having these suicidal thoughts when I was 13 i got my mom who dosent care about me at all she ignores me she cheats on my dad having sex with other guys i always had a bad feelings about her. my dad dosent wanna leave her they fight from time to time but i tell me dad she dosent care about me he dosent listens he will rather be with her than his own son. I smoke weed to forget about my problems im not a pothead i just smoke from time to time. i ranaway 1 time it didnt seem to […]
my stomach is burning and aching for almost a week now and there’s a small mass when I massage it, I went to the doctor yesterday and he did some tests. I’m still waiting for the results. most of the people pray and hope for good news but not me. I’ll be very happy if he told me I have a fatal disease. I wont take any medicine and easily I’ll get the job done after years of razors and bills.
I’ve struggled as long as I can remember. Fear that made me unable to sleep when I was little until after midnight, and woke me at four. Anger and loneliness as a middle schooler. More loneliness and depression as a teen. I’m so tired.
I’m suicidal. I told my mom. She said we should find someone professional for me to talk to. That was three days ago. Not a word since then. Can’t she see that I’m dying?
My boyfriend is home tomorrow, finally home from the three week trip he’s been on. Three weeks on a co-ed canoe trip, unable to talk to me […]
Is it crazy am i the only one i cut atleast twice a day am i the only one who does it more than once a day i have the urge 5 times a day
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than […]
I had a job  in a Homeless Day Care Center. The title was as a Peer Support Specialist, to qualify you must have survived a number of the same hurtles as the clients there. For a number of extended periods of time I’ve been homeless, been diagnosed with Aspberger’s Syndrome, sortof/tried  hold the secret of being molested as a child through the bulk of my life. I was told I could put my own program together. But, I was unable to gather the support to be successfull, repeatedly dashed my hopes to the point I couldn’t discuss my disappointments, and could barely listen to anyone without rages […]
For a while I have been wanting to cut my arm and I am going swimming tomorrow so I can’t and it’s really anoying I just want this feeling to go away.
Yeah…i came home from his party (huuuge binge btw) and when i got this random “hold up im just gonna hang myself right quick” feeling so i was sitting on the livingroom floor making a noose when my mom comes downstsirs to the soud of my creepyass laughing and slapped me then she dragged me ouf to the car and drove me to the teens mmental help hospital where i sat in therapy for a week then recovery till friday, came home, packed my stuff for xacation , got my ipod touch and then we left for wild wood… And now im back…hey…
This police officer has been harassing me since Freshman year. Here is a little bit of the back story. I was in CPS and in a all girl group home, I had visitation with my grandma and it was court approved, after going to school I went to my grandmas just as plan. The group home knew I had a over night visitation and yet they called me in as a runaway. my grandma called my Case worker and he told the group home to drop the Runaway charge. I went to school the following day and that police officer showed up because it was […]
I posted on here a few days ago about one of my friends overdosing. I knew about it because she called me in between taking the drugs and dying, but the authorities have withheld her official “cause of death”, supposedly at her request. I was just wandering if that’s legal or if that’s the police realising that I’m not family and therefore not really wanting to discuss it with me,
The reason I ask is that it’s something I’d be very interested in doing if it is legal- I live in the United Kingdom and can’t seem to find information on the subject- as I’m planning […]
Keeping hopes up is hard. But I think that’s the one of the things, that keeps me here. Well today I made some exams, because the school terapist saw me sad and talk to me. I just broke in tears and I told her the hole story. Well because of that i did E x a m s today. They were weard. She made me write some stories, and i painted my family and I did a quiz. Well at the end of the day. I don’t know what to expect. The only thing that i know is that i love beeing alone. And i […]
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