General

I may not be the beautiful girl with the perfect life or gorgeous boyfriend, but i use to be happy with how i was and to have people that loved me. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 11. i have been a cutter since i was 12. Suicide will one day be my way out of this horrible life. My father once told me is was selfish to be depressed and be suicide when there are lots of people in the world with worse problems. The thing is,  is that how do u help the way u feel? Its like love, how do […]

So ill start by saying… im not the best writer… and will probably jump from one thing to another…so sorry about that

Ill start with… Im 18 graduated a couple months early and was working but had to stop because i couldnt keep working with the people i worked with… infact i cant work with anyone… I dont talk to anyone and by that i mean noone.. parents sister old friends from school… I still have a couple friends i seee everyone know and then but when im with them it always feels really awkward… and it seems nowadays theres always this really awkward silence to […]

i’m running’ out of breath

no air is my chest

its like i can’t breathe again

we have another fight

another sleepless night

it’s like i can’t see the end

were screaming on a daily basis

why we keep wasting

something that was once so strong (

I can’t keep on fakin’

smiling around my friends when

deep inside I feel so wrong

used to be so nice to people but you know what? Shit gets to you. You get tired of being fucked over countless of times. You get tired of people walking all over you. You get sick of being labeled “too nice”. You get fucking sick of doing so much for people but not being appreciated for it. Fuck being nice, all people ever do is take advantage of you. Im so sick when people look at you like your a fucking freak! Fuck those “friends” who left you. Fuck that asshole who hurt you. Fuck that ***** who can’t keep her mouth shut about […]

I’ve failed everyone, I don’t have the will to continue, I can’t force myself to do anything. I would just stay locked up and never leave my room. I can’t stand the world, I’m tired, desperate, I can’t continue like this. I want some ways of committing suicide, it’d be helpful if it were quick and seem accidental, I don’t want to further disappoint my parents. Please help me.

Nobody is home. Nobody is going to be home until late tonight. I could just quietly slip away.

My life is hopeless. I’m like Radshac, Meshac, and Abendego, and I’m going into the furnace unless God intervenes.

I don’t want to be alone today. I’m so tired…

So theres this guy I have liked for about 4 Years, and then one night I introduce him to one of my girl-friends of 5 years. This ‘GirlFriend’ has had several mistakes and heartaches in her life, but that doesnt matter.. she whores herself around and then comes crying to me about it. She slept with 3 guys in a day one time. Then she came to me teary eyed. And this ‘guy’ that i have crushed on forever, he likes sex, and im full on willing to give him that.. i dont even care.. Even though he doesnt want me to because he thinks […]

I finally know what real love is. Because anything that hurts this much must be real.

I can lie to my boyfriend. Tell him he’s the only one I want.

I know he’s in love with me. But I don’t love him.

My heart was cut out of my body and taken for a ride.

When I first met , I read his eyes and saw how much pain he was in.

Hugged him when he was upset.

We sat at a beach for five hours just talking. I didn’t feel pressured. I felt free.

I still remember his touch.

I fell in love that night but wouldn’t admit it.

Enter the thieving *****.

She […]

At first I could never sleep. Now I only want to sleep. My eyes are always so heavy. My body is always exhausted. I have not said a single word to anyone in a few days. In fact, I deactivated my phone and Facebook account. Talking to others was becoming too gruesome for me. The plight of listening to the clueless was more than I could bare.

Think about it. Who is really qualified to say it’s over?

I have a temporery problem that needs a permented soultion.

“Nobody Knows”

Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I’m asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows no

Nobody likes
Nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life
Made a choice
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows
No

Baby
Oh the secret’s safe with me
There’s nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don’t it feel like I’m all alone
Who’s gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And […]

…I’m posting again.

This morning, I was at church. And I sat for the longest time, hoping and praying someone would ask me, legitimately, how I was doing. One lady did, but went back to her reading before I even answered. I said that I wouldn’t kill myself tonight if someone asked me.

Tonight at the service, our temporary pastor was announced. And he’s a sweet guy… His message about world missions really convicted me, because I started thinking about all the people I could reach if I’d just live and go. So after service, I literally ran after him to catch him before he […]