General

What am i doing in school? One of my teachers took me aside today and asked about a whole bunch of essays i hadn’t turned in, and “was i going to finish them? And what of the oral presentation you have on week 50? If you don’t do it, or don’t turn up, it won’t be fair to the other students”. What can i say to that? I know i can’t do any of those things. But if i don’t, my teacher will be upset with me, I’ll fail even more, and my parents will eventually throw me out. I’d managed to shut it all […]

As darkness look’s at me.
For i walk to the night.
For my soul can not be saved.
As i surrender to the moon light.
Forever my soul asleep.
It feel’s there’s no escaping the curse on the moon.
The blind ness of fear. So deep and dark these time’s.
That the sun cannot shine down here.
I feel like a lost stanger stranded.
I fear i have killed. I hope it was just a deer in a field.

I really don’t want to ruin anyones holiday, or uture holidays, yet the time is near and I can;t determine when. All I know is when the pain exceededs the will to bear it the ned will be at hand.

I have 2 methods, niether of which I want to use, a third didn’t materialize, can’t trust “Real” druggies to get what you wnat when you want it.

The wrecked lives I will leave, these lives are wrecked either way. If I stay, those lives are wrecked by many years of me being incarcerated, at my age I will probably die inside without ever seeing the free […]

i feel like i cant help no one not even myself, today me and my sister tried to go see my mom whose pretty far away well me and her are still young we can drive except we dont have a car and the thing that happened was that i cant help but think about what my sister has said many times over and over again….. im dont do anything to help her with struggles and stuff that has happened over the last summer, before summer started a week before school ended my mother was deported … i didnt feel sad or mad and i […]

I am just less than 15 hours away from a long awaited back surgery that will finally relive the pain in my leg that I have had since May. 39 minutes ago was supposed to be a different kind of surgery….A self administered death. But here I am thankful that it didn’t happen that way. I have learned that we are blessed with people in our lives and that sometimes we may think those blessings are curses. I see this is not the case anymore. Everything happens only to make us strong and smarter. I have been depressed for so, so […]

My dad is a hardcore alcoholic and I burly ever see my mom. I guess I should start from the beginning. I have an half brother from a different dad who is 18, a half sister who is 17, and a little brother who is 5. I am a 13 year old girl. Growing up in my house wasn’t easy. My dad used to sell drugs and when he did take them he would come home and beat my mother in front of me and my siblings. I remember one time he hit her so hard that she fell into a mirror and broke her […]

I hear what everyone says, don’t freak about it there’s been worse, your life is not that bad and I know. I’m well aware that my life isn’t as bad as most people. I’ve been lucky I guess. I got out easy. But from everyone telling me it’s not that bad no one stops to listen. I don’t mean to complain about these little things that have happened but I do need to vent so here goes; ver since birth, my mother has had a strong passionate dislike for me. Saying the word hate only pushes me closer to the edge so I’ll use dislike. […]

I have decided to return to God. I have decided to tell my family how I feel. God know, and I’ve told him already. My current life is in jeopardy, but I must atone and try to make the good choices. I guess I should be glad that it’s not so bad yet, but I am not. I want my family to know how I feel.

So. First off I hate life. I honestly see no point in me being in this world. Suicide is very tempting, but scary. My parents, honestly, dislike me. I want to get out of my house, might run-away, not sure yet. I just think I’m useless in this world… My friends always put me down in a joking matter, but it still affects me, even though I tell them to stop, they keep on. I’m 15, and yes I’m mature, I’m not being a ***** about life and crying over everything. I used to believe in God, but everything went down hill, so I lost […]

I’m not looking for attention or answers; just a place to write out my feelings and let them exist as long as some hard drive in some server somewhere is around.  When that rusts, so will these thoughts.  All of us are drops in an ocean of souls.  We mix in with the rest.  If some are lost, who will be there to remember them?  Soon everyone we ever loved or who ever loved us will be gone and there will be no record of our existence.  Headstones will crumble, earth will shift, decay and entropy will prevail.  We are nothing.

In the last several years, […]

The one about i want to find a gun in the u.k. But that will never happen.

I know so many people who have it hard… way worse than me in many ways, some truly helpless to do anything about their own situations- and then there is me.  I have tried to make what I could better in my life- and the things I have had to accept I have done my best to do just that.  But, after trying so hard, for so long, trying new ways to get through, etc- it just goes from bad to worse despite my efforts. And, I have given up- the prospect of continuing to get older- alone and in pain all the time- just has no […]

I don’t know what to do anymore..I’m about to become Homeless and I’m scared to death..My cellphone has no minutes..I lost my job along with a bunch of others..have no one to turn to..sold my jewlry for money to get food..been dumpster diving for food..internet will be shut off soon..have to throw all my stuff in the dumpster cause i have no place or money to store in..I’m in debt with the landlord for 2 thousand dollars..Have no car..it’s cold outside..I’m a female and all alone..I have been on my knees in tears praying for a miracle from god to help me..But no answer..I have […]