General

I’m sorry.

I initially wanted to send this little prose out as a text message to a bunch of people, but I though that would be vindictive and petty, and I don’t want people to feel blamed. These are just my reactions to the world, not the reality. Anyway:

I was a person once
The other people told me I was different, and so I tried to be like them
They didn’t know I was scared and I thought I was worthless

Just a hollow ghost that nobody can love, I am no longer a person
Poison raised to my lips, I toast this wretched earth
A toast […]

– Tiny penis

– Virgin

– Morbidly obese

– Unemployed

– Broke

– Partially educated (dropped out of college twice)

– Live with my parents

– Depressed

– No friends

– Soon in my 30’s

…

Yep, that’s me. So… should I kill myself or what? I probably should but I wanted some external point of views.

Off on another day of school, will I make it through the day? The pain? Or will I just end it before the sun goes down? There’s a dance tonight and I’m going, not sure why. Maybe I’ll end it there. All I know is it might end. My schools to small to have theripsits and my family can’t afford one. I feel so hopeless and unworthy of life. This, this will end.

Hi! I don’t get any attention. I’m ignored. My problem is getting bigger and bigger. I have enough of it. I don’t know what to do next. I’m thinking of ending with it. Is there somebody who cares? Is there somebody who feels as I do? I don’t know what to do.

Today, the exact day of her death.. Just to feel closeness to her. we are so far apart. Her in heaven and me in hell(mylife). Today, i feel like i lost her all over again. Even if it has been two years it still feels like the first day without her. How can i live any longer if every day it gets harder? I would die just to be with her. To have her answer all my questions would be the best. So here is the worst day of my life.

I have just lost my daughter today from the exit bag. She did this on Thanksgiving morning. The EMTs got a pulse, and she has been on life support for a week. She actually left her license on her bureau to donate all of her organs, which she is doing as I write this. Please, please anyone out there, do not do this. We tried so very hard to fix her. We needed more time. It is so very, very unfair to those you leave behind. We will never be the same. This is so very […]

its been 2 mothes since you fucking destryed me and i walk through every fucking day now more depressed then i was before i have to sit beside you in first period and hear you tlak ab out fucking your new boyfriedn after a week of us breaking up wow yea 2 years didnt mean shit to you but it mean everything to me all the shit ive already been throught he abandonment and the deaths not haveing fucking parents or anyone that gives a shit you get close to em and fuck me over and now im posting this sad ass shit on this […]

I’m done.
New year’s day. Can’t wait.

I can never get along with my mother, I tell her I wanna kill myself and that I cut myself. Ive tried so hard to kill myself but always have backed down. What’s stopping me? I love to cut. Makes me feel so much better. Why does it make me feel like this? I just want my mom to care. She used to tell me to kill myself. Idk what to do. Can anyone help me??!!

Everything was going so well…. and then… GODDAMMIT WHY?!?!?!? We finally got things straight and now she goes and puts us back in that situation?!?! I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO HURT HIM!!! ***** GROW A BACKBONE.

Let me explain.

I’m one of my creator’s many “others”, her split personalities. You might know her as LoreilDarksky. And she just did something stupid.

She got back together with someone even though she’s the only person in her head who fucking likes him.

EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM FEELS WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. There’s something there I don’t like, something fucking scaring me. But we know him! WHAT THE FUCK […]

when they get close….

i wonder when they’ll really see me. the dirty, stupid, dumb, irresponsible girl that i am. somehow it’s so much more easier to bring myself down then to bring myself up. it’s safe. it’s the truth. it’s my reality.

i even write stupid. none of this seems coherent at all.

they’ll see that i’m socially awkward.

after a while, they’d rather be with someone else rather than be with me.

because i don’t talk. because nothing fucking comes out. i’m boring. there’s nothing interesting about me. i don’t fit in. i’ve never fit in.

i don’t know why i do this to myself.

i know i am truly […]

I am fairly popular person, okay with money, they tell me I am good looking, but, what sucks is no one likes me as a person, and I hate everyone that loves me. I do it in a pattern, I hurt them and I abuse them, I have been down this road once, but now I am back and I am making plans.

thats it realy.

Reading the stories of some of you, and also acknowledging my own, and friends stories. It seems that the first response we give to someone in need is NO. We turn out back against those that need us, because it is “just too much trouble for us”. I think, we need to work on this. We cannot ignore family and close friends in need. I know that strangers are hard to trust, and that I understand. However, ignoring a family member that always was there for you??. That is wrong.

“Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength, but there are times in life when it takes much more strength to just let go.”

Suicide…
look what you done to me.
Suicide…
see what i have become.
Cutting and burning
you are my friends.
Razor i love
when you bring me pain.
I can’t see the bright side
So i mind as well have died.
I can’t denied
what i crave the most.
A rope around my neck
Or water in my lungs.
Gas that makes me gag
Pills i couldn’t control
Suicide
you become what i hate.