General

I’m still alive because from the little pieces of my heart I still have left, I feel there might be hope, and I don’t want to miss out on things that I want, especially marriage. I still have another good 6 years or so, but I’ll be dead before then. I can’t keep waiting around for the perfect guy. I always dream of him, there’s actually someone I like who I really want to marry someday, but that probably won’t work out. And then there’s my family. For some reason my sister just hates me, and my dad likes working me to death. My mom […]

Going to my garage
Turning my car on
Inhaling the co from the tail pipe
100% death
Or
Not?

I don’t need to fail @ this
I wanna make sure I DON’T wake up

For years i’ve been trying to cope with these feelings i have. i tried to make it better with cutting, smoking , weed , and mindless sex.. but nonee of these have worked. i quite cutting for a few months, but now i’ve gone back to it and i’m scared…

Next month i want to do it cause well it supposed to be my birthday then and thats how i want to die on my birthday. Lets just say, its a little personal gift for myself. But anyways i have pently of time to do it although my birthday is on fucking fall break i might just do it ealier. But that someonthing that one thing that seems to be holding me back from doing it. That is i die then they will be left here all alone. The reason why im still here is because of him. Although we been together for three months […]

Last night I started making a list of what I needed and wanted to do before my transition (i don’t like calling it suicide or death or whatever, I prefer to think of it as a transfer from life to eternal life). Yes, I am a Christian and I believe that after this life I will live in eternity with God. I don’t care what others believe or don’t believe about that–but for me it’s one piece of hope. Anyhoo–I started making this list and I found such calmness in the process. I guess it’s maybe one of the last pieces of control […]

I wanna talk to some more people on here, see if anyone has the Same predicament I’m in:/
Basically I’m a suicidal, Christian, teenage girl who is looking for love and affection. I know I can’t find that on here, but I’ve found a little bit of love. Who doesn’t want love? everyone goes through struggles, but not everyone becomes suicidal, and no one can understand that feeling unless they’ve gone through it themselves. I hate how people think they understand, but they have no fucking clue what it’s like.

sometimes the hours and days mesh together in a string of restless, mindless indulgences. and i find that it doesn’t matter, because i don’t care what happens to me. it is no one’s fault except mine that i am both alone and lonely and it has taken me a long time to figure out that there is a difference.

maybe once i had possessed reason. maybe once, a too long time ago, i didn’t have the endless need to question everything i know and believe in. why why why why why. it’s exhausting.

and i am empty. i don’t want to be saved. i don’t want to […]

I continue reading all these comments by people say that “life gets better”. I don’t know what their definition of BETTER is because for me life has become more of a shit hole. More people are leaving me as life goes on and soon I’ll be going through this ordeal all alone.
If life is so much better when your older, why are so many adults depressed, why do so many take their lives, why do so many run away? Yeah, I guess life isn’t that fucken great after all!!!

I am angry
So I cry
My emotions build
So I lie
With wounds wide open
You watch me bleed
A heart so steady
And filled with greed
I am owned
Myself has not been shown
Everyday I wish to see
The person hiding inside of me

When I first joined this site, I was in the very first stages of being suicidal and I thought the decision to do so was the hardest thing. I thought methods were easy, but oh, how wrong I was. I have not tried because I did not want to fail and be a burden to those who do love me. People come to this site because they want easy answers to complex problems – that’s what I did. But, there’s no magic pill or fool proof method. I wish we could all come up with reasons to live rather than […]

Well there’s not much more to say, I mean really. My life is shit, it’s never gonna change. Ive always hated myself. What more is there to say? I’m a teenage girl, my best friend is planning to kill himself, and the guy that I love doesn’t want me anymore because I might start cutting again. My life is almost over, and I’m not even an adult. Funny, isn’t it?

I feel very sad for all of the really young people who are on this site because of bullying. Where are all the authority figures who may be able to make a difference in these poor kids’ lives? I just want to say that someday, someone will appreciate everything about you and I’d urge you to hold onto that. Bullying is bullshit and when you get a job at something you are good at and love, the bullying will be a distant memory and you can go to your class reunion with your head held high and laugh at the losers who […]

Do you believe in god, well I do, but where is he where is god? I’m 16 but consider myself still 15. I have depression! OMG! right. My life had been a total wreck. I have so many health problems life isn’t worth living. Everyone is so stupid and ignorant. This whole world is a big mess. Can’t I have a second chance at life. Everyday I cry myself to sleep. I hate all these kids complaining about how hardthere life is blah blah blah. You should try a fucking day in my shoes. I hate this world I wish everyone would just DIE!! Why […]

I think one of the worst things I hear from friends who know of my plan to die is, “But you have so much more to offer the world.”   That’s their opinion of my life, not mine.

It’s like when someone loses a dear pet of 17 years, & someone says, “Get another dog”.  They just don’t get it, & use these trite cliches to somehow snap me out of my plan.  Like I haven’t thought of every option, & found none to be satisfactory.

Your thoughts & comments are welcomed.

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Your move… again.

I just want someone to talk to. People will talk with you or at you, but they will not really listen to you. They don’t know me, and I don’t know them. I find it hard to expose my real self, but I feel that my real self is a bad person. I know I’m lazy, I know I’m weak, I even know that no one cares about the world that lives inside my head. Maybe that’s why I’m getting involved with the film crew at my church. I really do want to create, but something inside of me […]