General

I enjoyed going to counseling in the beginning. I thought it would help. I thought that after a few months I could get back up and never think about suicide again. I hate it now. I don’t want to go anymore, it doesn’t help. I can’t tell anyone what I’m feeling. I want to. But I’m scared and ashamed. I don’t want to do this anymore.

i wake up and i look around. i go back to sleep. i have no desire to get up.

i wake up a second time and know i should get up to go to work, so i do. i brush my teeth. i wash my face. sit at my computer for 10+ hours.

i eat the bad shit. the really bad shit. i stopped caring about it a long time ago. still affects me when i want to go out and see friends. i’ve stopped wanting to do that stuff lately.

life is endless but i can only see the end. i picture myself….pointing a […]

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on, turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like, to be like me

To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark
To be kicked, when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down
When no […]

Is anyone on here planning suicide by train? If so, is there anything I should know before jumping in front of some random train?

I have been planning my final exit for a few months and know USA Independance Day will be the night for a number of reasons. Main one is the city will be fired up partying along our 3 rivers Regatta and spectacular firewworks. I know what time they begin the fireworks & locks all the traffic. I have to call 911 before I lower the bag or no one will even notice I am gone until they smell me & I rather have my body parts harvested for others to use & the rest of my carcus donated to science.  I have already done a 911 […]

at night. When the house is quiet. But my pain is loud. I like to dance. I dance so much. I work on my dancing. I’m actually not bad. I like to sing. Oh how I wish I could sing better. I would do anything. Music allows me to do these things. Without it I’d be nothing. Its a part of who I am. Id dance and sing for years and years just so I wouldn’t cry. But I cry. I cut. Nothing will ever be enough. Just tell me you care. The bad news I can bare. My life is a song. I don’t […]

I composed this e-mail to my counselor but decided not to send it…for obvious reasons. I dunno. I feel so lost without his guidance. I wish someone more permanent were there for me.

Mr. –,

Chances are you’re not going to read this e-mail, anyway, since even though you told me that I could e-mail you over the summer, you forgot to mention that you would never read or respond to anything I sent.

I’ve decided that I am not making it to the end of the summer. I’ll be gone by mid-July. I don’t have to worry about you calling home because chances are, you will never […]

I’m considering drowning or jumping off a building. To be honest, I live in S’pore and it’s so hard to off myself. Here, we have very strict laws on sleeping pills so I can’t get my hands on them. I have try hanging and suicide bag but my survival instincts kick in. Didn’t want to try slash my wrists cuz that will only leave scars and I’m scared of all that blood. Well, I’m a coward so I want to put myself in a situation where I can struggle and it won’t do a thing.

Well, jumping off or walking into water both will off me for […]

that make me want to kill myself.

days when every emotion rushes to your active mind and you feel everything at once.

when being alive is more than bearable .

when the sight of myself brings disgust and hatred to my thoughts.

when loneliness is suddenly all i can think about.

when the thought of suicide feels necessary for survival.

Glorify it for me,

The ignorance that feeds on us like parasites,

The feelings that make it so we can’t do anything right.

Glorify the wheels that turn, the flames that burn,

And threaten that if I try to leave I’ll be devoured.

But I’m not scared, oh no, I’m never afraid.

I’ve been through the darkest valleys,

I’ve sailed the angriest seas;

Yet no amount of mortal terror could ever plague me.

I am numb, no, I am dead,

Inside this fragile body; inside this empty head.

My hands no longer shake; my tears no longer fall,

For I am a mortal no longer, I’ve been promoted.

Oh, but the power is more than I can handle […]

I actually don’t know what I’m doing. Why am I studying a course I hate, living in a place where I’m suffocated, pretending that everything is okay with my family and friends? Why I am here? What the hell is the point in all this?

I’ve been laughed at my entire life, do I always have to be joke?

I hate these scars. they are so freaking ugly. only 2 people know of them, and they don’t even care. I can’t stop cutting, I won’t stop cutting. I NEED to cut my arm.

I want to cry. I want to bleed. I want to scream and shout. and be in this everlasting agony, to suffocate in my own, desolate, barren corner of loneliness. this is who I am. this is what I deserve.

does anyone know, if I stop cutting my arm will the scars heal on their own? it’s hard to keep hiding it, my parents would kill me if they found out. I’m gonna […]

I’m ashamed. I’m hurt. I’m not worth it obviously.
I just wish I would have realized it sooner. I wish I would have realized that this isn’t worth fighting. I’m ready to go and it’s not worth trying to stop me. I’m already gone

I’ve not posted here for a while, didn’t really need to. But my heads a bit of a crap pot today, so I thought I might as well.

I’ve definitely stopped self-harming. Havn’t done it in months. I’ve been using bio-oil on the scars on my shoulder, and fuck me does it work wonders. I’d say within the next few weeks, I’ll be able to wear a tank top. Wow, that’d be fucking wonderful.

I’m keeping the ones on my thigh. I dunno why. I guess I just like the feeling of having my past right there.

I’ve definitely been happier. Still get my bad days […]

I’m so lonely.  My best friend has been out of town for the past few weeks and might be gone the whole summer, and my other friends havent even talked to me in a month.  Not even a call.  No one cares about me.  I cried more in the past three days then I have in a month.  I just sit in my room and cry and think about how lonely I am.  Why cant anybody like me.  I just wish I knew what people hate about me so much.  For a little while I pretend a girl is sitting next to me, talking but […]

I don’t fucking have a dad. He’s dead. Somebody should be unbusy today. I’m not even in the mood to mope. I just want somebody dadless like me to show up so that I won’t be so friggin’ bored.

Someone feel free to message me meggypoo_cutie@hotmail.com i’d like to here storys and help you all <3 life is a struggle <3