General

it is the undeniable truth

Edgar Allan Poe had such a way with words.

Morbid, insane, and heartbroken.

please give me ending advice only, I really need to get it done this time.

My dad called me a freak today.
He screamed because i failed math.
He threw a glass at me, shame he missed.
Maybe he could cut me up?
Let me meet my love.
Why’s everyone holding me back?
I want back to my safe world.

This is my first post ever so i don’t know if it’ll be fucked up but anyhow I’ll just go for it. I self-harmed for 2 years, I haven’t cut or burned myself for 4 months now, but everyday is a struggle. I even dream about cutting myself, I have this craving. It was my safety, to cut myself and now I cant do it anymore and it hurts so bad. I know it’s for my own good, but I just don’t understand why I can’t do it when it made me feel so good? I go to DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy) twice a week […]

I just did it
lifted some of the burden
got rid of some of the pressure
you told me that
once I do it
I should breathe
a great big sigh of relief
and so I did it
but I don’t feel it
it was supposed to make it better
but somehow I just don’t feel it
instead I feel worse
like I messed up
messed up worse than before
messed up beyond fixing
and now its done
so now I’m filled
with the shame
and the guilt
and the pain
and still that pressure
lurking somewhere in my brain
and all these things
they […]

Here is an article about a kid who jumped off the golden gate bridge and how it doesnt always kill you plus some interesting stats on how many actually jump off the bridge every year:

A California high school student visiting the Golden Gate Bridge on a Thursday morning field trip climbed over a railing, jumped — possibly on a dare by fellow classmates — and somehow survived the 220-foot plunge into San Francisco Bay that kills dozens of people each year.

Most jumpers die a grisly death, with massive internal injuries, broken bones and skull fractures. Some die from internal bleeding, while others drown.

But the 17-year-old […]

well kinda gettin over this stuiped shit, im startin to relize tht theres alot in life nd let thie things in the past go………i loved 2 boys in my life alot nd i lost them both…..my best friend toled me let the future come to me…….i do want a boyfriend who loves me nd wants me for who i am………all i got to say is live life to the fullest nd dnt let no one bring you down….not even a stuiped ass boy……..trust me ive been thru alot nd im startin to relize to not think bout it ne be happy….im tellin yu guys dnt let […]

I long for silence. An end to the tempest inside my mind.  A place where quiet reigns and pain fades away.  A silence unlike any other.  Almost as if it were an auditory black hole. Pulling  my pain and suffering away into oblivion.  Created by the explosion of the star that was my soul.  My life fades into the darkness that consumes.  Soon there is nothing left but silence.  A quiet so loud it could shatter the stone that is my heart.  This isn’t what I dreamed. This isn’t how I thought  it would be. The silence is tearing me apart.  I grasp for a […]

I wrote this about my family. My mom and dad act normal and nice when my grandma is here but when she’s not my mom makes living at home a living hell. And I’m too young to move out.

DEAR GRANDMA

Hey little brother,
What’s it like to be the baby of the family?
To be the one they love.
Hey mom,
What’s it like to know your girl hates you?
To know she’s sad because if you.
Hey dad,
How’s it feel to be the weak one?
Because you’re the abuser and the ignorant.
Grandma, you think we’re a normal family.
You haven’t seen reality.
You […]

Imagine yourself in this predicament–your mother is in the hospital, and to make matters worse, you have your own personal Hell on Earth to face.

For me, Daniel Stephen Hooley, in October 2003, THAT was my EXACT reality.

Growing up in my hometown of Statesboro, Georgia, near the Georgia coast, you readers could say I had an odd, yet strangely normal childhood.

I was born on December 9, 1984. At about age 3, I was diagnosed by my medical doctor in the Georgia coast with severe Autism, a serious mental illness affecting 1 in 150 kids born in the U.S. today.

[…]

who gives a fuck if i die anyways… no onee

Why do you care for me

Isn’t it just something in your head?

You send me all these things

And I never sent you anything in return

I don’t think you even know the real me

You just want me to play this role for you

I have opened up to you

but the things I said

seem like they never reached you

This is a false constellation

that I no longer wish to support

So excuse me when i don’t call back

Atleast that’s what I’m told…

But what other way is there?

how do i match…

this body to my scarred soul?

How else do i adequately express

this inner hurt that words can’t describe

I must mark my body

to resemble my soul

so it can be set free

for everyone to see

that this is the real me

No more fake smiles

Yes I’m a cutter

And I love it

This overwhelming sadness casts its shadow across my life.  Burying my hopes and dreams in waves of pain. There’s an emptiness inside of me that could swallow entire worlds.  Every time a wave recedes and some semblance of hope shines through, another wave comes crashing down to destroy me.  The fatigue of keeping my head above the water is setting in.  I’m ready.  Ready to sink to the depths below.  Maybe there’s another world down there.  Somewhere that this life doesn’t exist.  But that’s just another dream to entice this already tired mind.  There’s another wave approaching.  I welcome it with outstretched arms…

I don’t know…
sometimes I just wish the 8.9 SR earthquake would continue sweeping across the earth,
and destroy all the stupid, dumb, ignorant, selfish, shallow, fucking retarded, profit/money-seeking human race.

KILL ‘EM ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This sadness is my life; this overbearing pain pushing me further under, stifling each smile, burning beneath each forced note of laughter. What is pure joy or full hearted happiness? I know longer remember it’s touch. my only friend is depression, my closest companion yet my silent killer hiding behind a mask of composure and small mindless chatter.

endddddddingggit

“I am apart of a world that I hate, I wish the end would come faster my world’s a disaster.”

“It’s time you’ve met the monster you have helped create. You’ve pushed me one too many times, I’m sick of all of the shit I’m gonna settle it!”

“somedays I pray someone will blow me away. Make it quick but let it burn so I can feel my life fade. Well I’m a waste and I can taste how bitter I’ve become. And it’s more than I can bear”

“I waited for hope to arrive but it never came. Leaving me with only pain inside. I’m going off the deep end. […]