General

I am have not given up but i think my dad might. he is the only thing that has been keeping me ok and with him at the end of his rope. Truthfuly i am scared that he won’t pull through this bad time. I know that now that he is giving up i will have to take on another load of work and i must be the strength in this family. i am willing and i will do anything i can and must to keep this family together. even if it mean pulling and pushing me to the end of my rode. I […]

Hi everyone, i’ve posted here a numerous times before when i felt both suicidal and down and i’ve actually been able to see some kind of “light” in life, or well… to tell you all the truth it sometimes feels as i am lying to myself because i keep telling myself that there is something out there for me, could be whatever, a well payed job to a new place to live in and so on.

Even though im somewhat lying to myself it feels abit better and i feel almost “healed” i mean.. as i look back i didnt really know why i was even […]

So I think about death,
I want to know what its like,
What it feels like,
My lifes a real mess,
At least my name wasn’t Tess;

Death isn’t a place,
Death isn’t a where,
Death isn’t a feeling,
Death is what I want,
Its where I’m going;

How to get there is a choice,
Will it be hanging,
Will it be cutting,
Will it be pills,
I don’t know…;

What ever the way may be,
I hope noone sees,
Noone to stop me,
Noone to hold me;

Goodbye;

I love you, cause you all are persons like me.

We all want to die.

And it’s so fair, in my point of view. Most of the times.

Let’s die happy guys.

You can die sad, but knowing or  believing you will be happy. In God’s glory.

Let death come!

Best wishes,

Lee

Today I went to church and I felt so guilty. I haven’t thought about killing myself in two weeks I was on a roll I considered myself sober because I had my music on full blast so I won’t think just hmmm to the music. But it ended today because suicide is a sin and being in church seeing everyone going on about how they love god made me sad. All I do is sin every time I think about killing myself and cutting myself. At that moment I felt like killing myself. Yea how sick I’m sinning in church. On top of it […]

My familys gone off to see the pariade down town and I still here becouse i slept after worling an extra late shift.As I sit here I see a pizza cutter and other knifes.I wonder why I am even alive.All I do is work and live on my broken dreams.I don’t date.No friends.An untrusting family.no LIFE.I could it it right now however,i coulden’t die now.My boss wants and is expecting my to be at work.I might cut myself.At least I could do that right.All I have to do is say.”I got it at work””I hit my arm on a nail,blackberry bush,”ect.”My cat scrached me when […]

to often i see ppl run from there past and hidefrom there future. the biggest mistake is to run and never look back. if u dont look back u cant see where u have been and how much u have done. the think is they dont want to b/c they have fallen so low that life seem umbaruble. but if u fall the only way to go is up. i love that ppl fall but if can be amazing to watch them climb up.
thing is life is not what ppl make of it. ppl seem to think that if u wait and let life […]

For five years now i have been made fun of and mocked everyday, people have called me any rude or crude word possible. Its now summer and i have done absoultley nothing, my sister gets to do anything i have been waiting to get new clothes for 3 months. i am down to 2 shirts and 2 shorts. I was suppose to go shopping today for some new ones. my parents blew me off. Is there a point anymore, i try and try to stay happy. all i do is cry, i made threats to my parents about killing myself and they never listened. well […]

Don’t u hate being lost not literally like when it seems like mostly everyone knows what they are doing. All the time I get ask what I’m i going to do when I grow up? I say the samething over and over I don’t know yet. But what I really want to say is ” Cant u see I’m not going to do shit with my life n if do decide to do something it won’t be now I just going to high school not college.” But as I get up today I thought maybe I should live to make camps all over the world […]

I will decide later.

http://www.givesmehope.com/

i didn’t get out of bed today. i have many days like this. my birthday is this weekend.

what is the point. i didn’t ever want to live this long. i was suicidal at age nine. i’m still suicidal. i’ve done everything i can think of to make things better.

the only reason im still here is for my family. when they are gone….thankfully i will be able to leave too.

for me, that’s not healthy, nor will i thrive psychologically, mentally, or otherwise, as an “alien”.

Yet there it is. It just is. Whether i like it or not. It doesn’t matter. It’s still there.

Nothing helps. Nothing. Nothing obliterates this curse. I need “my” people. “My” people are people with the same problem.

I’ve been told a lot that you can’t hold onto the past.

Maybe that’s true for a lot of people, but those people aren’t me. My life….it boils down to one point in time. I am thoroughly convinced that if this one thing hadn’t happened to me, then maybe things would’ve turned out differently.

The rape…..yes, you all know that’s what I was talking about. Somehow I don’t think it’s fair to blame all my problems on the rape, but I know for a fact that my depression started there, after the first time.

I haven’t talked about this much because it’s not something I like to talk about, […]

ok im so dead now im slittin my throat have fun world i may live tho…idk

I was just dumped tonite at 10:18 iv been crying this whole time as i write this too nd i dont no what to do witout him i wanna die now nd im tempted to take a razor blade nd slit my arms nd throat i dnt have neone else to love:'( some kill me NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not sure why i am writing this. Not sure anyone will listen.

I have lost my whole world. My wife left me and took the kids a week ago. I cant take the pain of my daughter begging me to come home that she misses me. I have lost my apartment, my car. my wife and my kids.

There is nothing left for me.

This starts several years ago. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I cheated on my wife.

It was a one time thing with someone i didnt care about.

After it happened my wife caught a text message that i had sent her. […]