Nothing has changed. I’m still in so, so much pain.
I made some adjustments to my external circumstances, but internally, I remain the same.
Hopefully, that will end tonight.
who takes all the rewards at the end? who is it that makes the most money off me? and why should i do this? why should i struggle to live this “life”. Why is it wrong to plug my life out of me and die? if i dont enjoy living why should i keep living?
What is there to gain?
Everyone i know hates me, i dont have money to live on my own and i am not good at anything and dont find anything amusing enough to even try.
For this christmass i wish only this.
My heart, stop pumping.
I would write out a suicide note, but then they’d remember me. I wouldn’t want that, now would I? I have caused enough pain and suffering to everyone around me; I don’t need to make it worse. I honestly don’t even know why I am keeping myself alive.
Yes I do. It’s not even for the noble cause of saving my family that I keep saying it is. I wish it were. I wish I was a better person. But, no. I am still me. The same old awful me that had to be fucking dragged out of the womb. The same old awful me who […]
Tomorrow night is the night.
Adrift with only but a cordless microphone; salt encrusted parched lips silently screaming. Vocal cords hoarse from fruitless wailing. Winds stirring swells higher with each impact. Churning, lost, alone. Lightening blazes burning retinas, thunders rage clapping eardrums. Echoes confuse, darkness shrouds, rain drops blur, coldness blankets all emotions. The storm has brewed.
Family searches, spotlights swirling, life vests and flotation rings at the ready. Hoping against hope I will just hold out until they locate me. Whistles blowing until their lungs gasp for reprieve.
I’ve tried to prepare them; shouted my love from the peaks of my deepest depths. I can’t explain but here’s my […]
I’m 17. I can hear too many things going on in my head but at the same time I feel blank. I love life but I hate life. Everything is so confusing and I feel a lump in my throat when I try to explain what I really want, so I thought I’d type it.
I don’t want the life that everyone is told to follow. Working behind a desk, getting large sums of money for rotting away in a grey, dull workplace and consistently working for a force that marginalises freedom. I want freedom. I just wish I could run through endless green fields that […]
I hate reality ! reality is boring !
Doctor Strange is better than reality !
Marvel MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is better than reality !
Avengers is better than real world !
Sword Art Online is better than real life !
Virtual Reality is better than boring reality !
video games is better than reality real life real world !
movies is better than real-world real-life reality !
novels is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime manga is better than boring real life real world reality !
comics is better than boring real world real life reality !
Why Human’s Imagination is much better than […]
Today is the day to say goodbye
Okay so, I am 14 and I still live with my parents. They give me everything I need and want. But the only thing they don’t give me is attention. We never have a true conversation or anything. Even though we live in the same house, it feels as if they were 1,000,000 miles away from me. I try to talk with them and spend some time with them but they either ignore me, leave me talking by myself, always make up an excuse or say they are “too busy”.
I have 2 younger siblings that actually get to spend time with my parents, but I […]
why is it when you feel low and down and ask your friends to meet you up no one meets but yet when they need you to talk to or meet up I’m always there. I’m sick of it being one way traffic all the time. I mean do I need to say please come meet me I feel like shit and I want to self destruct and you need to stop me. Seriously wtf!
I’m feeling suicidal, idk what to do. I have no one to talk to. What should I do? Should I tough it out alone, I’m so sick of doing that. I need someone.
I’m writing my suicide letter, little by little. It’s not really a letter, but a bulleted list of all the things that are ultimately ending it for me.
I really like the date I’ve picked as a day to end it. I’m sick of being treated like shit. More specifically, it’s like my feelings don’t matter or I’m expected to not have feelings at all. I can’t get a job, and I’m too ugly for this world. Doesn’t even deserve my explanation. Anyway, I’ve hesitated for so long because I need 100% certainty and being obese, I know that we’re nearly immortal and the only thing that can really kill a big fat 360 lb sack of shit like me is a gunshot to the head or decapitation, of which I’m too poor […]
Letter to my mom.
Dear Mother,
I try to defend you to EVERYONE who said you were a terrible person.
I defended you even after you beat me and forced me to walk across town
to my grandparents neighborhood at 10 at night
i was in shorts and it was snowing out.
I am choosing to go get help for myself
and you tell me im “running from my problems”
I tell you that you can just lose me for 6 months to a year
or you can lose me for the rest of your life
and you call me a ***** and say
“suicide is stupid.”
i fucking hate you so much.
I will never defend you […]
I previously wrote a post on here titled “no purpose” here’s is the link below if anyone wants to read it to give more In sight to this post.
I stupidly trusted someone with this post and showed them, reasons why? I wanted to tell someone how I genuinely felt, a reach out for someone to understand me better so they wouldn’t play with my feelings anymore, a reach out as I know I need help!
So after opening up to someone about this that person said they quote “hurt me or anyone else intentionally” and said they would be willing to help as they didn’t want […]
I’m a mess. I want to be fixed I am willing to try one last time. If it doesn’t work, if i cant be fixed then ‘im ending it. So while i’m not mad or anything i’m going to write my letter.
Dear Everyone at my school,
I was in the search for the GREAT MANIFESTO! I suppose if you are reading this then i found it. I dont want to die and be remembered as the overly hyper girl in class or the girl who sat in class and did nothing. I want to be remembered as the girl who… well i am not sure how […]
I am finally at a point where I have realised I do not have a purpose or that my purpose in life has been fulfilled. What is left? Only one action I suppose.
I am constantly tired, I want to sleep constantly. I’m tired of trying to please everyone, do the so called right thing, I’m tired of having nightmares. When does this stop, does it stop?
Self harm is a like a drug, it’s an ecstasy giving me a sense of euphoria and life but it’s frowned upon, why? It’s called selfish, why? Because it hurts other people? When you you haven’t been through enough sh**t […]
Okay, now I need to let all this out.
I don’t even know why I’m here. Each day its getting worse and honestly I couldn’t ask for anything worse like ughh, I honestly don’t know how to describe it. Each morning I wake up, wishing that I could die and reborn as someone else, someone better or something. I can’t cope with my lifestyle, I can’t my bare anything at the moment. I have SO MUCH to let out yet I don’t know how, I want to SCREAM, CRY AND LET IT ALL OUT. But I still don’t know, I’ve been staring the screen for minutes […]
Well I’m done fr. Tonight’s gonna be the night I do it. Been waiting all day for night to come so I can go and hang myself I got the perfect spot to I’ve had enough of this I’m to fucked up I’m hurting I can’t bounce back not from this I’ve had it lost hope no faith I don’t wanna go through life living like this so that’s why this must be nice but thought I’d get advice but nah but it’s all good I hope all you guys win your battles but I’m losing mine but thanks anyways never take things for granted […]