For your poems.
i feel empty
i feel nothing
i feel like nothing
there’s a void
a hole
and i don’t know how to fill it
how to fill this hole inside me
so deep
and dark
i feel no fear
i feel no sadness
i feel no happiness
no life
who am i???
How great my griefs, my joys how few,
Since first it was my faith to know thee
have the slow years not brought to view
How great my griefs, my joys how few,
Nor memory shaped old times anew,
Nor loving kindness help to show thee
How great my griefs, my joys how few,
Since first it was my fate to know thee?
**Thomas Hardy**
I notice I start to get angry toughs whenever I have to go out, maybe it’s a reaction to prepare me to defend myself. Many times I give up leaving home, because I can’t handle people staring at me uncontrolably mad.
I tried to go anyway, everything happened as expected, couldn’t lift up my face to look at people. My eyes stuck the ground, I start sweating, and my face muscles become stiff, and i think, this never changes. Psychologists say you should keep insisting going out and facing your fears. But it never changes to me, it’s like the Murphy law “If something can go wrong […]
Where is the sunshine?
The end of the pain?
Because I am damaged,
I can’t stand in the rain.
The skies have been dark.
The wind is still whipping.
How am I standing?
What keeps me from tipping?
Because i am damaged,
My limbs tatered and broken,
The life that lived in me
Is now slowly chokin (g).
The storm pushes on with violence and fury.
My leaves are all falling,
Like the snow in a flurry.
No where to turn,
No where to go.
Im beat up, run down, and standing alone.
Even in this forrest that i call my home.
Ive always been told “You’re full of potential”.
I AM DEATH! Make way one and all
Give me way, for here’s my queue
I am the cliff from which you will fall
From the tears of the beloved, I’ll make myself a devil’s brew.
I’m here, there, I’m everywhere;
Don’t try escaping, for your destiny is locked and I have the key
A baby, a mother, a wee puppy, your lover?
This is the face I use to show I care
Fight me not, just let it be.
I make big men cry,
I make demons laugh
I’ll take your loved ones, don’t ask me why
For like a carpenter does with wood, from you I’ll make a craft.
Come to me, for I have the […]
I made this picture to match how I felt.
Somewhere between light and dark,
simplicity and complexity,
serenity and desperation,
beauty and a bloody mess.
I’m the one with her eyes closed.
To an Unborn Pauper Child
Thomas Hardy (1840-1928)
Breathe not, hid Heart: cease silently,
And though thy birth-hour beckons thee,
Sleep the long sleep:
The Doomsters heap
Travails and teens around us here,
And Time-wraiths turn our songsingings to fear.
Hark, how the peoples surge and sigh,
And laughters fail, and greetings die:
Hopes dwindle; yea,
Faiths waste away,
Affections and enthusiasms numb:
Thou canst not mend these things if thou dost come.
Had I the ear of wombèd souls
Ere their terrestrial chart unrolls,
And thou wert […]
So many things that should probably be said;
I don’t even know where to begin; and, i’m just really not the type to dwell…But nonetheless they need be.
Maybe i’m just to stupid to; not… to; dwell. (Anyway, how’r all you stars?)…*Dizzy ;{P
You know? I used to want to be in the military…but now, all my naive suppositions are more or less confirmed… and this capitalism shit is kind of resonating as well…(there’s just a level of living that people need to go on) With this and that, I’ve never been against hard work, I’ve just always come to the point that it never pays off…(Never learned from […]
Your skin, it’s so soft.
Your muscles, firm.
The smile on your face when you look down on me,
Intoxicating.
Running my fingers over your features.
Feeling yours against mine.
Being with you all night.
Your shoulder the perfect pillow.
Clutching the tags you always wear.
It’s so odd, how the color of your eyes change.
I thought I would never see them again.
I have those memories, yet if I lost you…
My reason for living,
It would also perish.
Today I lost a friend.
Not even a few hours ago.
I saw him the other day, smiling.
Today, he shot himself.
Today people cried.
But I didn’t.
My thoughts were, maybe now he can smile, maybe now he isn’t in any more pain.
All I know for a fact is… that today, I lost a friend.
I’m out of options.
I am surrounded by darkness,
And no one gives a damn.
Even though all I show is kindness,
My insignificance shows for who I am.
I feel so alone.
No one beside me.
So far away from what is supposed to feel like home.
Unable to even see.
It’s like a disease I’m confined to,
Casting off my every reach;
Disabling me to undo,
My pathetic way of speech.
If destruction is my punishment, so be it.
I cannot be absolved.
This hierarchy of pain is meant for human consumption.
Freedom is a false concept.
We are slaves to our emotions.
Slaves to our attatchments.
Undeserving.
Bloodletting.
Outcasts among the masses.
If destruction is my punishment, pain is my savior.
Dismal outlook.
Chasing oblivion.
So is
My desolation.
Free me from this prison
Ive been locked away for ao long
Every day seems to last forever.
Then comes the night
The time when all my toughts are set free
They flow through me aimlessly
Wanting to become a part of me.
I can feel the darkness
Taking over my mind
All i can see is blackness
I feel empty, like there’s nothing to be found.
Within me
There is only despair
I can not see clearly
It feels like life isn’t fair.
And then i think to myself
What feels better
Or less painfull
Than being alive?
A rope around my neck?
A bullet through my head?
Freefalling through the sky
Meeting death at the end?
……….
And then i think to myself
Maybe life isn’t so bad
But […]
For a time there, I was wondering what I should do.
For a time there, I’ve been thinking about my future.
For a time there, I’ve thought about moving forward
For a time there, I started looking towards a different tomorrow.
But, that wasn’t it.
I let myself believe that it could be better.
I let myself believe that I would change.
Maybe because I’m weak.
and I’m wracked with crippling fear.
But I finally figured it out.
Right now, I’m only holding on to one thing.
When it finally breaks,
I already figured out what to do.
What I want to do.
It’s not today
Or tomorrow.
But.
I finally figured out […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
This is Zetsumei’s character song/poem from my SP anime.
In blackest night,
no light shall reach me.
Gathering the broken,
it’s time for our sinful killing spree!
Konbanwa, Zetsumei here
and Zetsubou’s my game.
You can’t play so face your crime,
’cause time picked you as prey.
The numeral of change engraved deeply
marks the funeral of Humility.
Scattering feathers dyed red,
despair bows Virtue’s head.
Konbanwa, Zetsumei here
and Zetsubou’s my game.
You can’t play so face your crime,
’cause time picked you as prey.
Not even the white moon shines down
so drown in this flood of ash.
Para won’t hear, “Yes, my lord” anymore,
when the hoard is marching ashore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kItuXocJUwk
Whispers in the wind do I only hear when you’re not here
I bought you flowers so a petal falls every time my pedal hits metal
For every risky move I breathe in a soft wish for death
But you already know that…
I ask for nothing but peace for you as your memory lays 6 millimeters under
May the wounds of your fathers stop in the afterlife where answers come
I wasn’t the best grandson but may my intentions and good heart be plain as day
But you already see that…
There weren’t always obvious roads to take in the clouds of confusion
Paths I rejected accepted me wholeheartedly until I was too […]
I made this video so people could understand a little bit about what I’ve been through. I’m in a position where I’m asking complete strangers for help. Literally no one gives a fuck. I’m about to lose everything. Everything I’ve done on my own at least. Nothing ever works out. So I’m about to get kicked out of school and I asked for the funding I need on go fund me. So far I’m the only one who’s donated which is sad right? And I get it, but between the video and the go fund me page can anyone piece together how fucking desperate I […]