I just miss and crave the not so occasional drinks that would lead to reckless behavior because at this moment when I want to feel something I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. I’m not suicidal but I know that what I am feeling leads up to it. And no one can know. Everyone had their life together again but me. I feel so alone. I literally don’t feel like I belong in my own skin. I don’t like anything that I am right now or have become these past few months.
Category:
Rants
I guess I shouldn’t really feel abandoned, as I still have all of my family and they’ve been right by my side since day one.
This is my first post on here, so excuse me if I’m not correct in going about it.
My boyfriend died two days shy of a month ago. It could have been a suicide, it could have been an accident. Seeing as we were both highly sexual people and I found him hung up on a door with a belt around his neck and his pants down, auto-erotic asphyxiation doesn’t seem to be out of the question. But he was suicidal and […]
Tomorrow is the day my sister died exactly one year ago.. She was the fourth death I’ve suffered in 3 years now. The first one was somebody I loved a lot, Emily. She died to a car accident. Then my grandmother died to cancer.. Then my Father drank himself to death. Finally, my sister hung herself. I just.. don’t know anymore. Every day I wake up, sit in bed and just stare at the wall. My family is entirely unsupportive about everything, now. Every day of my life I get told, “You don’t deserve to be sad” or “You have no reason to be sad.” […]
My parents fights everyday but sometimes it gets so bad that my dad will throw things at her,like the huge touch screen computer,I’m thankful that it didn’t hit her,and I want them to divorce but we live on a state far away from where the rest of the family on my dad’s side lives,and I don’t want to leave him somewhere he still isn’t familiar with.But at the same time I know if they don’t divorce then my mom will be really hurt,but at the same time I can’t even imagine we all not being together,and thank who ever is reading this.
My best friend since child hood was hit by a bus five years ago while he was roller skating the image is still with me today. He wasn’t just my best friend he also taught me love has no gender, no age, no color and now hes gone. I feel guilty that he died because I was going through a phase that I was just being a shut in and not talking with people I feel like if I just called him earlier that day he would still be with me hopefully that’s what I tell myself and its what I think and what I […]
My counselor asks me what I’m going to do when my mother is gone. Â Then I’ll be on my own and I’ll be forced to learn how to be viable outside the womb… haha.
I make hints at my true intentions, but she doesn’t seem to pick up on them. Â All she knows is that it will be tough. Â I told her that there would be nothing, but perhaps I think differently than other people. Â Nothing to me signifies blackness. Â I will neither see nor feel.
It’s the only choice given the circumstances. Â Nobody can spare me from being stuck here the rest of my life. Â So […]
Bieng someone who has struggled with suicidal tendencies up until about 3 years ago, i have attempted suicide at least a dozen times and numerous other careless acts against my body i know the struggles and know that it can get better. I am 21 years old have been severely physically and mentally abused by my father my entire childhood from being and infant till i moved out when i was 18. He has come at me with an axe on several occasions, beaten me with peices of wood numerous times, ( like a 2 by 4) broken my guitar on me,kicked me(normally with his […]
the best way i can describe the feeling is utter tiredness, the kind that makes your bones ache
by petrichor
written by petrichor
i can barely go a few hours without remembering how desperate i am to not exist
Hello. You can call me Gene. This is my first time posting, but I’ve stalked the forums for years. I’m posting due to the fact that this site attracts like minded people. i.e. People who don’t just assume that my decision to end my life is due to some rare emotional outburst.
Before I get started, let me warn that This post may drag on, and I am not the best with grammar.
So let me tell a little about myself. I have just turned 29 last month. I currently live with my family. This […]
This is my second post on this site and again I am speaking of my girlfriend that broke up with me a few months ago. For a background on the situation please read my previous post to save me explaining it in this one.
So far life has got worse and worse, the last time I was happy was October 19th last year when I took her to a hotel and the rest for her bday which was on the 6th but I was busy working (to get more money to spend on her for her bday). I hadn’t spoke to her since the 12th of […]
The love of my life has left me for another man. I have spent my life living for her, with her and beside her. How the hell do i just continue living without her? I am alone and i am depressed. Friends, Family, they cant understand. Everyone say the same message, everything will be better in time. I say everything could be better in time. But the now is what is too painful. Theres no one i can tell my thoughts to, theres no one left to trust. When shes the only person I could ever been completely open to and trust. I want to […]
The cutting has started but where from here if only there was a rope that was near.
To know i have to start all over again, whats the point? im 30 years old with with nothing on my side but a knife to help me take my mind off you.
A little slice here, a little slice there.. it all starts small but eventually will become larger. this is how i deal with my life…. Every slice is everytime i think of you.. every slice for everytime i think how my life is shit, every slice to help me take my mind of the world.
down n out
bullies in the army. Some shitbags making fun of Abagis for being gay, he was accepted by us back at basic training. For him to slit his wrists and be chaptered out for his suicide attempts. I want to hurt those bastards for that yet i take no action against my bullies on the homefront in the army. I should just fight back full fledged (starts out with shit talking then gets physical and i punch back and they kick harder and suddenly theyre beating on me in formations. I guess i should be the one beating on them. The. It’ll be fights behind closed […]
I’m tired of people saying that they understand my situation that I should just get over it. I’m sorry my unhappiness is bothering you, would you like me to leave? Like holy shit. I get it I may be a downer but back the fuck up and revaluate yourself, you aren’t little miss perfect either. I make mistakes, I do stupid things I’m human just like you and the rest of this world.
The one thing that most people associate with Bipolar is bad husbands with anger issues. It might sound stereo-typical but for the majority that is true. You have to be extremely carefull not to share your anger/disappointment as it can erupt in the drop of a hat and you wig out. I am a much more “peacefull” bipolar case than the usual but only due to the fact that I had grown up with the rage and it keeps me in check…most of the time…but I can rage with the best of them.
They say that Bipolar is inherited and it shows. My dad has serious […]
It’s that time again. I need to release this built up pain.
I wonder how far I’ll take it this time.
Some people refuse to understand.
what is the problem with leaving me be why is it i have to stay downstairs in a room with an adult why is it that school is my hell hold but when im home thats my mental hospital, why cant i just be alone in my room sliting my wrists why cant i just be who i am and not be changed by the people who dont even give two fucks about me they are just scared of me incase im mental and insane because they dont understand this pain but they just have to change me and have to think about how safer […]
Trust is a powerful word and most don’t even realize it but i learned through to many experiences that no one in this world can be 100% trusted. I trusted a group of people from a small town i used to live in and look where that got me…it ended up with me getting bullied day in and day out i trusted every girlfriend i have ever had and look ive been cheated on and used or the bullshit brake up lines like ” its not you its me ” and always over text or by Facebook. I know that their are other people in […]