I am old, 41, Mom of 3 children. I have been suicidal since age 12. Many attempts, some juvenile attention getting tactics, some genuine desire to die. Most recently tried helium, very poor planning on my behalf, did not have regulator valve so obviously no continuous flow of helium. Yeah, I really was THAT stupid! I am impulsive and seldom think things through. I am considering another method, possibly sealing up my crappy, ancient car and purchasing a charcoal grill. I would hope there would be no panic and no backing out, just peaceful sleep. I like the thought of catching the bus with someone […]
Category:
Rants
i really don’t know what to do with myself and my life i mean lol i’ve diagnosed myself with paranoid schizophrenia i hear voices all the time (2 to be exact) i’ve had this ailment from about the time my mother passed away when i was 14 going in to 15 at first the voices helped me to cope with her loss and to bear with my other family and mental abuse i got when i was growing up from my father’s replacement woman sigh…. it was cool i was able to cope laugh at myself and move on now i’m 24 and these voices […]
I
am so tired
of always getting hurt
when all I ever wanted
was to be loved,
someone to be there for me,
a friend.
I’m sorry I will never
be good enough
for a single person
in this god damn world.
All I wanted was someone
who wouldn’t leave me,
get sick of me,
or find someone better.
Was that so hard to ask for?
I’ll kill myself today
If you choose devotion over low life
I’ll kill myself today
If you put direction into a world with no daylight
Do the wounds or damage caused by a persons past ever fade or go away? With me the answer is always no. Everywhere i turn there’s someone or something that reminds me of a past i wish wasn’t mine. My past has changed me in ways i wish it hadn’t. Because i don’t believe i was meant to be someone with an inability to trust anyone, someone whose afraid to trust someone enough to let them in , because trust means giving someone your heart and trusting them not to break it. But, i’ve been burned so many times by those closest to me, my mum, […]
I just want to let this out, you know?
I was talking with my friend and the subject of my ex came up. And that was just one relationship that went boom, exploded, guts all over. Metaphorically speaking. It ended badly. Now, I’m not a devout Catholic, in fact, I get the feeling that I’d be better off as an atheist. But a few weeks ago, on a whim, I went to confession and afterwards my friend found out I cried. So during our conversation my friend casually mentioned that it was probably that subject (the ending of that relationship) I was talking to the priest […]
I’m supposed to be relaxing right now but I don’t feel like doing anything, even sleeping. I’m so racked up with guilt that nothing seems fun or appealing beyond wallowing in self pity and despair.
Damn, I’m one miserable person.
So I’m gonna get this shit of my chest. I’m insane. I know that now. I’m so close to killing myself. My family are the root of all my insanity. They fought when I was younger and now I have to pay the price. I’ve become Bi-polar, depressed, suicidal and many more things. First off my Mother. She can be a great mom sometimes and I do love her but she is an idiot most of the time. My Brother is horrible. He is 18 and still living with our parents and doesn’t have a job or go to collage. He treats my mom like […]
When I feel like shit I listen to my special playlists about getting better. Please listen to them thet realy help.
*Giving up the gun
*Tomorrow will be kinder
*Concrete Angel
*Elenor Rigby
*Invisble
*How to save a life
*Warrior
*It’s Amazing
*Bluebird
*The day nobody dies
*Same love
*Battle Scars
*Brave
i just love when i (metaphorically) get spit in the face by people that dont know me for doing nothing wrong
all i feel is anger i want to take the sharpest thing i can find and stab myself to death to escape
You know that character from movie or story that always make a mistakes and screwed up even at a simplest task? I’ve become that person. I don’t know why but I feel whatever choice I make or anything I do always end up wrong.
Is there any connection between my stupidity and my (self diagnosed, I haven’t go to psychologist) Bipolar Disorder?
This whole ordeal makes me think that I don’t belong here and it feels bad, that I think if I were gone, everything would be so much better without me.
I always envied and despised stupid people around me. Why do they get to be happy? Why was I always told being smart is a good thing?? It’s not a good thing. Being smart is a curse. The smarter you are the more socially awkward you are. Especially being a smart kid. Stupid kids become stupid adults and they are the ones that get to enjoy the meaningless pleasantries of life. Being smart sucks. The dumbest stupidest assholes have the most friends and screw like damn bunnies. Why can’t I have 500 friends and screw 24/7…. It’s a curse. being smarter than 9/10 people is […]
It’s 0130 when I am writing this, so the first thing that I wanted to share with you is that I have huge problems with sleep, because I worry so much. About every single thing.
i can’t feel happiness in life anymore, the only exception is when I am with my boyfriend. But we are in a long term relationship, so I can’t even see him very often. He is the only person I really trust and feel safe with. He is also the reason why i am still alive – because I would not want him to be sad when I die.
But recently I started […]
I’m alone almost all the time; couldn’t find success if I tried. All paths seem dark and hopeless.
It’s very slow, but with every day I grow more weary and willing to die. I’m tired of living in such an unfair world.
I’ve thought about it when I’ve been hopeless and sad, but now mostly it’s when I’ve been pissed off. I just want those who hurt me to suffer too. Guess everyone has felt this way before.
im currently 16, i have been going to counselling for about 2 or 3 months but thats all irrelevant. i have a boyfriend, also 16 possibly going through depression as he shows some signs of it and has recently told me he wants to disappear or dissolve into the earth and cease to exist. now i too have been in a situation where i have not wanted to exist (ive attempted 3 times before, obviously not succeeded) but i dont quite understand his situation, he doesn’t particularly want to die he believes he is too much of a coward to do it and i am […]
Hello,
I’ve been aware of this site for a while now. Never posted before. But now I’m in kind of a dilemma and even though I don’t know any of you, I can’t think of anyone else I can really talk to about this.
My parents have come in to a bit of money and because of some weird thing where having more money will cause them problems with the government, they want to give it to me. I should point out here, BTW, that I’m not talking about doing anything illegal.
I don’t want it because frankly my poorness is perhaps one of the few things going […]
I really am not sure how to explain all this, but here it goes. Every since I can remember, I’ve been depressed. As a kid I’d stay up at night, wondering who would go to my funeral if I died, and I’d think about what would happen if I just dropped dead. In school I was always bullied and told that the world would be a better place if I just kill myself. I’ve never really fit in anywhere, I’ve always just coasted through life on my own. When I was 14, I got into a lot of trouble for […]
Okay i’m being completely honest here, no sugar coating anything alright. I have just come across as a huge disappointment in my entire family and every time i try to regain any self confidence it just plummets back down. I’m tired of everything and i’m not scared of the future anymore because i’ve decided that i will not have a bright and wonderful future anymore because i’m done. I may not live past 20 and I guess somethings happen for a reason and my reason is that i’m useless and i no longer have any significance to anyone. Not my family or my so called […]
So many things run through my head… The father who moved away, the mother who was never really a mother, the sister who I lost as a best friend to some loser boyfriend, the ex I want back, the stress of school, being broke, my battles with my illnesses… And there seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Every time I think I see it it just disappears…
Today:
I ate too much… Way more than usual. The usual being nothing or something very small when people are around to avoid questioning. I am home alone for the most part so […]