Everything I do I end up quitting or giving up on. I have nothing to live for. I mean what is the point. I see a lot of people happy and I see great potential in them to have an amazing life. As much as I wish I could be like them I’m just not and I never will be anything. Other than my family a few close friends I don’t even think people wold care if I died. And I really want to die, but I’m not going to kill myself for two reasons. One, I don’t know how/too scared to do it/don’t want […]
Rants
it’s become evident that as of now my life is not worth living. i am miserable, lonely, and i cant afford to wait years, months, or weeks for my life to get better. i’ve been waiting for as long as i can remember. the only thing that i’ve learned from mental hospitals is that committing suicide is a selfish act. but isn’t it selfish to force someone to live in pain and agony day after day when they just want to die? i’m lonely. my dad is moving out of the state, my best friend only cares about drinking, and guys only use me for […]
Dad constantly hugs me, kisses me, messes my hair *affectionately*, rubs my face with his hands, the same hands he used to hurt my mum. Makes me feel SICK.
He constantly calls me, last thing at night, first thing in the morning.
Whenever my fon beeps “is it mom?” no dad its my friends lauren. Whenever im texting somone “are you texting mum” any word from mum? G’on text mum for me. Makes me text stuff to her I don’t want to say
My position is that I am lying. Constantly lying through my teeth. I don’t love him, don’t want him back, I HATE HIM DISPISE HIM, […]
Hi, my name is Tyler… I’m about to turn 16 in July… I’m exceptionally gay… Which means that I’m gay with one person in my life who is an exception… Her name is Koral… Her and I dated for what would have been four months tomorrow… She broke up with me last Monday… My life has been hell ever since… She claims the reason for her breaking up with me, is that she used to have a feeling for me before we broke up, that she would always want to be around me physically, and she would get excited to talk to me, and be […]
Today I’m struggling. I’m struggling to find the good. I’m so tired of feeling tired and fighting through this life. Everything seems so difficult. I want a job, but my emotions are holding me back. I want to have the happily every after with my boyfriend, but it’s like we’re in this revolving cycle that doesn’t quit. I want my mom to be happy and it’s so hard to see her struggle everyday. It’s hard to know that she wants good things for me, but brings up things in the past that I feel so terrible about that I don’t want to face what I […]
Trust.
Just 5 letters.
A simple word.
But it’s not quite simple to trust.
I can’t trust anyone, even not myself.
I will never trust people for 100%.
Actually, I always had effort with trusting people, but after the times people used and harmed my trust so many times, I know I’ll never trust people for 100%. I never trusted people very quickly, but after everything that happened, it’s a miracle when I trust someone a little bit.
Trust is a word I don’t really like to hear.
It’s a word that’s much more difficult than you would think.
Does trust actually exists??
I’m a freshmen in college-Best time of my life, right? Here’s what I have accomplished, failing classes, attempting suicide, countless anxiety attacks, depression and a stay at a mental ward for a week.
Yeah, I tried to kill myself-I took…I don’t even remember how many handfuls of Tylenol. For awhile, the pills took away the pains I felt from either depression or the anxiety. I couldn’t feel anything. I banged my head against the wall-Nothing. I kept taking them, my heart was either beating too fast or too slow, I couldn’t tell which though. I got in the shower with my clothes on and just laid there. I was […]
So I guess I’ll live up to it.
I attempted the exit bag method. I had two cylinders of helium, and an airtight bag with a good seal around the neck.
After what felt like a very long time, maybe three minutes minutes (I didn’t think to set a timer to catch a failed attempt), I thought: Wait, isn’t this supposed to cause loss of consciousness in 15 seconds? At which point I abandoned the attempt.
I’m not sure what went wrong. Maybe oxygen in the cylinders? It doesn’t confess to such on the tank. Too slow a flow rate, perhaps? The bag was full, the first 3 […]
Im not sure If I am truely mentally ill or if i subconsiously want to think I am.
The tittle is strange but it is what im going through. It might be completely retarded but I have to throw this out there and hear from some other people. This site seems like a good place to do that.
Needless to say that im here because I been having some issues involving the idea of suicide, and im going to just say everything thats been bothering me and why. Im going to start off by listing some medical/Social that might be a cause. Also, I am 19 and male and white.
Medical/social suspicions:
– My mother is manic Bi-polar who attempted suicide and I have a brother […]
Help me… i need someone.. i cant take this anymore…even here in the internet im alone.. how fucking pathetic is that… help me… be my friend…whoever you are, help me.. this is my last attempt…last.
you keep telling me that its all my fault, that i do this all to myself… but do you really think i want to be like this? i would love to be happy… to actually smile and not want to die. But i’m not. and i dont know why. do you think i would be this unhappy if being happy was easy? stop telling me everything i do wrong. I know i fuck everything up, no need to remind me. im trying my best to be happy… but do you know how hard it is to want to die. and do you know what’s even harder […]
It’s been a long time since I was last on here. Months. And now I’ve come back because I am in a need to vent a bit.
You see, in the time I’ve been gone, I’ve come to terms with my own sexuality and accepted it. I am pansexual. And I also notified my mum about it. She was… less than happy, shall we say. In fact, we’ve been having long and arduous conversations (read: arguments) over this issue. Because my mum wont accept it. Thinks it’s wrong. And it just breaks my heart to know that my only parent doesn’t accept that part […]
Sometimes, when I wake up, my heart beat seems slow and soothing, and I know that day is going to suck. Nothing will go right and I will reach for my blade, again. I hate it. I hate the people who make me feel worthless because they are right. I deserve to be bullied. All the vulgar thoughts that run through my head at any given time.. I’ve thought of killing my mom. Messed up, I know.
A bit of personal history: I was once a top student in my Primary school and was subsequently admitted to a Secondary school of repute. I can say that this is the heyday of my life. Things starts to get sour in my third year and confidence in my ability seemed to drain away when I failed consistently to score despite all my efforts. No matter how hard I try, I just could not get it. It is the feeling of ‘I worked so hard but got so little while others have it made for them with brighter minds. It is so unfair that anyone […]
Over the years I have known several people that have successfully ended their lives.  None of them have been true friends but just people in my life that I have known.  The most recent is a man , for the most part well respected in the community, very generous with his time, great with kids, a professional and a very active member of the church.  I was one of the few that knew he was dealing with manic depression.  (Isn’t it odd that we can pick them out immediately, almost like they had  a scarlet letter around their neck but only visible to us, […]
I am 29 years old and two and half years ago I got a surgical implant called VNS. Â The depression I had struggled with for 12 years, just left. Â Two weeks ago I found out that the man (my uncle) who molested me as a child from age 13 and under is going to the same community college I have been going to and is graduating on June 1st, the same day I was going to graduate. Â I will not be attending that graduation ceremony. Â He has been asked to sing at the commencement ceremony as well. Â These past two weeks I have struggled so […]
My over zealous wife signed me up to do a relay marathon tomorrow evening at a zoo. Â She is hoping to break me out of my “funk”. Â Maybe I will jump into the gorilla pen and they can get the life insurance.
>I feel like I’m done , Rejected without saying anything , Unaccepted , afraid if i show this side of my it’ll all be over,I built up too much of a wall  ; I can’t fucking do this anymore , keeping everything about myself to myself , emotions,actions,words , thoughts everything  ; I try to make others happy yet most never seem satisfied  ; Just someone … ;
“When all I want is for you to see
The side that I don’t show to anyone
In fear that they may turn and run
Alone and incomplete
No more tears to cry
No more blood to bleed”
“What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt”
Well that’s about it, I hurt everyone who ever gets close to me, maybe I should just stay away from people and save them the pain, I’ve pretty much fucked my life up already and I don’t know what I can do to change it. I hate myself, I hate my life and what I’ve done, I just hate myself.
Today has been better than yesterday was for her. No yelling, no fighting, no hurtful words were propelled at her.
Last night was rough on her. She had to meet her regulars, some nice, some not so much. There was always those men who were very aggressive and since they were paying they felt entitled to anything they wanted. The girl would stop arguing after the first hit, she would stop resisting and let herself float into subspace waiting till it was over. The girl would awaken with noticeably black bruises up and down her arms, her neck, and down her legs.
She is afraid to go home, she […]