Sometimes, when I wake up, my heart beat seems slow and soothing, and I know that day is going to suck. Nothing will go right and I will reach for my blade, again. I hate it. I hate the people who make me feel worthless because they are right. I deserve to be bullied. All the vulgar thoughts that run through my head at any given time.. I’ve thought of killing my mom. Messed up, I know.
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I think it’s normal to think about killing your mom or anyone. I can imagine it sometimes. That’s when you know it’s a big deal. I cut as well I’m trying to quit. I destroyed my skin all the scars will be there forever and I regret it every time I do yet I do again the next day. I’m not gonna tell you to stop cutting because it’s really not that easy. Just think about what your body is gonna look like in a couple years.
I think that’s part of the problem with cutting. We don’t think about down the road, we think about what we need to do right now to survive. Screw the future. Oh, and I have been my mom’s caretaker for going on 3 years, and I have thought a few times how much easier my life would be without her here…then the guilt sets in.