There’s only three reason left to not kill myself
Category:
Rants
Definitely feeling depressed and hopeless. Poor, crazy, longing for love and the end of all this bullshit. Life sucks.
I’m sorry to everyone I’ve hurt or been mean to I’m sorry that I’m such a mess up and that I’m beyond useless that I’m just a boy who sits around being sad cutting himself I’m sorry that I can’t not mess up a situation that I make everyone’s lives worse that I’m trash and honestly deserve to just die I’m a fuck up and that’s all I’ll ever be
A stupid meme has had my brain spinning the past couple of days over something that can’t possibly ever happen. It’s a dumb thing about choosing between $20 million or going back in time 25 years and doing it all over again. I’d actually pick doing it all over and haven’t been able to stop my brain from thinking through every detail, even the painful fact that I’d have never had any of my cats and most likely my kid wouldn’t have come to exist because if I could be 14/15 again and do it all over, I’d lose the fucking weight and stay living […]
This feeling I hate it the feeling of someone denying the truth bc they believe it’s a lie when it’s not it’s just honestly terrible and I don’t like it bc I wish it could be seen from my side so you could see I mean it I mean it more than ever I know it’s difficult but I just I wish it wasn’t denied bc it sucks so much I just…I just wish you understood that when I say I love you I mean it so much so so so much please understand that.
Lately, I don’t know why, but I have started to feel lost like theres no where left to go… As if even if I do make major life choices nothing will change. I’ve learned that there are only so much time you can spend time fighting until you just don’t care. I know I haven’t reached rock bottem, not yet anyways. I know how that feels but it’s strating to feel like everything’s going downhill and no matter what I do, who I talk to there’s no way to fix it. It’s been like this for a while I don’t remember what being […]
There was a time in my life that I would have looked in the mirror, seen what I now once again see and run. Fly away…escape in flight, run back into the night, where in the end, I have always belonged.
Time is that ever horrible tick of deep space; that reminds me that I am worthless and nothing will ever change that. That there is only one path in the end. I’ve seen all the roads and no matter what, change will never come, for there is only one road in the end to be had.
Once again, the clock starts the countdown…for I now, completely […]
I’ve become silent because I have become lost even deeper within myself. I look through windows that are suppose to reflect my soul and yet, there is nothing to be found. The season change and so do I, as the wind grows colder, I become more bitter, more hollow, more and more alone. As my anger gives away to pure utter emptiness.
I have lost everything, within a moment. I have been used up for all that I am and all that I ever will be.
All I know, is I no longer see color, just diffused light within cloudy shades of gray.
I am all but a […]
Every time me and my friend meet up to talk after work someone he knows shows up. He leaves me, whether I’m right beside him, in his car, etc. He doesn’t come back until the ones working decide they need to go fearing they’d get introuble. I can’t talk to his friends. They give me an odd vibe, I’ve tried to talk with them but they don’t seem to like me. I’m an idiot when I talk so now I just shut myself up.
He comes back and apologizes, “are you mad at me because I left you?” Of fucking course I am.. But I didn’t […]
I have chronic pain. It’s curable, but doctors don’t know shit and don’t want to invest time to research it more. They don’t take me seriously, i always have to fight to try a treatment or keep getting my medication (painkillers but also special creams etc)
I am tired of this. My immune system is fucked up too, i could actually say i feel like i have all symptoms of HIV. I don’t have HIV.
I don’t have a cool condition like CANCER or ARTHRITIS. No, my doctors even called mine psychosomatic.. which it isn’t. It’s only like.. 30% psychosomatic. The rest is physical. Real.
I don’t wanna […]
It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Why do I even pretend at this point? Why do I try to write some bullshit on this website?
It used to help, but that all kind of ended when I realized no matter how much I write about my shit, I will always be a worthless pile of shit. This website doesn’t change my views on life or death. Life is still meaningless. Death is still inevitable.
Maybe, suicide isn’t the right choice for a lot of people. Some people have dreams, plans, aspirations.
Not me. My dream is to die before I reach 30 years on this shit earth.
I want to […]
So I don’t really know what to say but there’s so much going on inside that I don’t know if it needs to be let out. So yous can just ignore this.
Im so sick of being here. I literally spend most days in bed and i want to be out doing anything but I also don’t want to get out of bed. Contradictory I know. I don’t understand it myself. Sometimes there’s just lost and trapped inside and I’m just living for other people and it’s so exhausting but other times I just want to cry or find something or someone […]
The reason I’m here is from the mindless browsing that I randomly find myself doing at the oddest of times. In just a few minutes I can feel the trembling hands the shaking voices the ones who just can’t cry anymore or are still shedding these tears. Its depressing to see many of us in despair but I find some kind of solace knowing I’m not alone on the bridge.
I’m 21 years old and for this past year I feel like I’ve been sitting on a bench in purgatory for the longest. In this year my losses are not even comparable to most people but […]
“You moldy rough!”
“She turned me into a nute… I got better…”
“Can a one pound bird carry a one pound bird carry a one pound coconut?”
“Bring out The dead”
“You half heartened hind”
.
“I’m sorry I thought this was America”.
“Did you just crap on my desk Cartmen”?
Is there anyone else who likes tool?
Lol that guy looks like he kneeds some milk.
Art should comfert the disturbed and disturbed the comforted.
https://youtu.be/GN1lsRtSFPs
I can’t keep going on like this. I feel so unappreciated. I feel so lonely. I need help but no one doesn’t want to take time out of their day to help me.. All they do is worry about themselves. They care little for those like me who are suffering.. I thought I was getting better when in all actuality I’m just getting worse. I’m so sleep deprived. Working just makes everything worse. As I’m sitting here on my break all I can think about is suicide. I feel that will be the only way to release me from my suffering. I can’t […]
So… Im alive sadly. But I’m going to treatment on monday and I think I’m just gonna give up. I’m gonna lay in bed and not do anything. I’ll see what they do, I wonder. I wonder what will happen. No matter what they do I have nothing to live for. They can’t threaten anything if I have nothing to be threatened with. Idk I’m curious. well thats my rant thing today.
I once had a shirt that said “if you’re looking for a sign not to commit suicide this is it” and it honestly made me really happy to have. It cheered me up a lot, some how making me feel better about life. But it was stolen from me and it crushed me and made me really sad and depressed. Pathetic huh?
I am stressing about trying to get employment. I’ve been applying for jobs on and off for 5 years now and gotten literally 3 interviews.
The main reason why I have no idea why I’m stressing is because I have no plan to try and fight through postpartum depression if I have to go through it again.
Basically once I’m not prego I’ll kill myself if it gets bad again. That’s where I’m at.
I don’t have to worry about the Fate of my kids either because well I’ll be dead. Nothing will matter. Not the good or bad.
That’s how death works.
Does any one use heroin and feel like they finally don’t want to kill them self? I do. When I get clean from it and I’m sober, I want to die again. What’s the point of me getting sober if I still want to die? Why not just keep using heroin and running from my suicidal and self destructive tendencies? At least that way I’m still alive for the selfish fucks that insist I don’t kill my self. But they’re not happy enough that I’m still alive, they don’t want me on heroin. But they don’t understand, the heroin preserves my life. I’m alive because […]
My family is shifting back to my old hometown. I’ll probably be going to my old school. What I’m really scared of is my old chem teacher. He tried to get me with him alone and well I’m sure you understand his intentions. He was always giving me extra marks and special treatment. Wasn’t mean to me but scolded and cursed at other kids, for someone who craved to hear that I wasn’t a piece of crap it brought me closer to him. I just recently remembered and I fear him. His hands have been on my shoulders and I avoid touching people so that […]