I’ve been sad for years! It started the summer before my ninth grade year. That summer I realized my parents true colors. I was a daddy’s girl before that summer and that’s what really broke me inside because I put all my trust into my dad. Anyways that day my dad had said some hurtful stuff and I got mad and he tried to make it up by giving me money and I said “money can’t buy love” he gave a crazy look and left the room he came back with a belt and beat […]
WARNING LONG RANT POST INCOMING!!
My parents are currently divorcing, my dad has pretty much abandoned me in favour of his ‘replacement family’ (he cheated basically). I’m not a minor so anybody in their right mind would pack their bags and move out. Though for me there’s several problems that are keeping me from doing so…
I have no money cause my dad took it to pay some bills (he has also made us bankrupt). I have a summer job which should help keep us afloat until I go back to university; but both my uni and workplace are an hour and a half train journey away […]
Fucking up again. Fucking up again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
So all my life I’ve been abused and isolated. I’ve always been mocked, belittled, verbally and even physically abused my whole life. Every time I leave the house someone has to say something to me, threaten me etc etc. I get it everywhere I go. I come to expect it because I can’t even walk to the nearest shop without being harassed. It’s always been this way. On top of that I’m a loner, never dated, never had a job, mostly housebound because of this constant never ending abuse from people I’ve never met in my life. Apparently I’ m just supposed to keep on […]
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Honestly..seeing this broke me..I love him a lot but he has so many female friends..I don’t know what to do..I use to find myself crying..feeling like I’m just not good enough…just ugly af..he says he loves me but take a look at the pic it’s not of me and him..it’s some other girl he says that’s his friend..when I first seen this I cried and did something I regret..I cut myself I felt weird after I haven’t done it in so long but seeing […]
My parents make me depressed, that’s why I stay in my room because every time I have a conversation with them, hang out with them, or when they talk to me I want to kill myself afterwards. They don’t do anything mean to me or anything, we don’t even argue much, I can’t ague with them, maybe it because i’m scared of them, or I know I just owe them to much but I can’t argue with them. I guess I feel kinda like I have been locked in a cage around them, I don’t feel comfortable at all and I can’t be myself. I […]
You’re right..
Loving you is killing me. I want to stop, but you know that once you start, it’s gonna be hard to quit.
This applies to everything – good or bad.. Like drugs, smoking, alcohol and love.
God, I wish I had the guts to tell you this but you understand that everything that has to do with me,, is complicated.
I need help… I need to feel something again other than pain and sadness and heavy hearted. I’m falling apart and no one notices anymore because apparently I’ve been become too good at hiding. Ironic really that the only thing I’m good at anymore is hiding how I really feel. 22 years of doing it though, I better be fucking good at SOMETHING.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me… Why can’t I ever enter into a relationship where I’m not used, betrayed, or abused? Why can’t I feel happiness again, but REALLY feel it? I smile at my loved ones, I […]
Why? Why is this happening? Why am I here? If I want here none of this would have happened. Im a mistake. They will forget about me. Its not gonna hurt anyone if I leave. Maybe I should.
I really cant do this anymore. Im done with all of the fake people the fake smiles. Im done with all of the crap that people do. I seriously am done with everything. I want to float away
I was raised by my nina (godmother) since i was five months old. You could say we have a strong bond, she just turned 79 years old this year. And shes starting to have a lot of health issues. She had to be put in a nursing home and shes not eating properly. She can’t keep anything down and it seems like the nurses can only give her something for her stomach if she asks for it. She forgets and doesn’t ask, and she can’t eat and is losing weight. She has suffered from strokes, and currently has parkinson’s disease, and dementia. I love her so […]
Here goes the first post.
Therapists ask questions, like they’re supposed to. Some go deep, some dance around with lighter, innocent questions, because they don’t want to upset you or trigger something. But it’s the innocent questions that get me.
Are you happy? Yes and no and god I have no idea how to put words to that that will accurately explain how I feel to my standards. (I’m not only a perfectionist, but a perfectionist with anxiety and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction with anything ‘me’)
How are you? Similar to the previous question. Good. Bad. Terrible. Dying Inside. Confident. Insecure. Hopeful. Determined. Hopeless. How on earth […]
From head to toe everything seems wrong. Nothing seems beautiful about me. I’ve never had anyone look me in the eye and call me pretty. I’ve never turned a head walking on the street. All my friends are physically perfect and amazing people.
After my incident with shoplifting, i’m even more convince that i should seek a therapist to help me through these dark times in my life. The problem is i don’t know how to approach my parents about this subject. Also before i joined this site i told no one about my problems, except for a few things i tell my friend. Anyway besides the few things i tell her i repress the rest of my problems, i don’t think i can face them, so with therapy, I’m not sure if I’m ready to unleash all of my problems and face them. Lastly, when my friend went to […]
For years I have struggled with an excessive need to steal and for a while I had it under control. Then I started stealing little things from stores like necklaces and bracelets nothing serious, but today on what was suppose to be a nice day out with my friend I got caught stealing a necklace from one of my favorite stores. Luckily they didn’t press charges but they did ask me to leave for the day and the employee who caught me banned me from that store. While I was sitting out waiting for my friend all I could think about is what she thought […]
It was a rainy, stormy night. There was no one in sight except for the occasional hurrying person probably out on an errand (though it’s unlikely because it was almost midnight). I just walked around the neighborhood, with my headphones on and just…walking. It was also kinda stupid, because God knows what could have happened to me.
But anyway. It was amazing, and I felt alive. I was alone and I could be myself. While the normal person would prefer to go out on a sunny day with clear skies, I’d make peace with the rain. It’s the kind of solitude that keeps me in peace. […]
There’s been a lot of stuff going through my mind as I lay dying (no pun intended) in my hell hole (AKA my bed) for the past 24 hours. Ultimately I reached a point in which there’s a question I can’t answer on my own: If I feel a friendship is too one sided should I end that friendship?
Because that’s how I feel with pretty much most of my “closest friends”, although I’m not sure if I should call them that anymore. I mean, maybe it’s just me and I’m overthinking stuff yet again (I also discovered recently that I’ve developed anxiety, so maybe that […]
No matter what I do or how hard I try my view of the world will never change. And that’s what causes the depression in the first place. I think that living is pointless. I think everything we do leads to nothing and that everyone leads to nothing. That’s what I think about every time I open my eyes. My boyfriend is normal though. He can wake up everyday and find a reason to fight through, it’s simple for him. He can focus on living his life and not on living in general. All I like to do is help people. But how can I […]
Struggling these past few days and it’s hurting those around me.
Especially my child. I made them cry twice today. I’m so messed up right now I told my 2 year old to shut up.
Why? They were hungry while I was trying to angrily call the state about my insurance that’s going to be cancelled next month.
No insurance when I’m 8 months pregnant. Awesome. Worse case scenario I’ll stop all prenatal and deliver at home completely unassisted medically. I can’t afford the bill. It’s whatever. I’m not even worried about birth.
The thing I should be worried about is postpartum depression. I’m […]
Being stuck in the rut of finding life unbearable yet being afraid to die is the worst feeling I’ve ever had to deal with. I’m not a natural depressive, and I haven’t been suicidal until recently. I hate to call myself a victim of circumstance, but fuck me, there’s only so much bad luck you can have before you have to admit that’s what you are. My appearance seems to be going down the shitter, and that in itself I could deal with, I’m not a vain person, but the problem is it’s taking the rest of my existence with it. My friends suddenly don’t […]