I’m home finally they all love me so much but the bad news is i still feel like my former darkness is still shadowing me I’m going to hold on aa long as i can then when my last ounce of strength is gone ill end it anyway i binge watched tokyo ghoul (anime) and fucking loved it anyway to explain something we have a LOT of artists and talented people here on sp and only you guys know what it’s truly like so with that being said if anyone wants to send me a picture they’ve drawn if i like it I’ll get it […]
I really have had the chance to kill myself. When he handed me the gun, he said “take this, incase anything happen to you”. Little did he know, i wanted to be the one to cause my demise. One single bullet. Loaded. Pressed against my temple once, in my mouth the other. He had no clue… He was drunk and hype that he beat up moms ex. Wanted me to like him too. As soon as he left; i was at head with god. A single bullet between us. I was too chicken shit though. I was too scared of the afterlife. The possibility of burning […]
Hey, they call me Odd. It’s nice to share my story with you.
First off, im not killing myself… Yet. I’m trying to push for another 10 months of living. I’ll be 18, in April. I’ve decided to tell my story now, just incase i jump the gun a little early.
Where do I start? This is kind of like a “my moment” type of thing. So, how can I personally catch your attention, long enough, to hear me out?
I’ll start by asking; “have you ever been sad?”
(A mini drawing I drew to help calm my nasty thoughts :/ )
All my friends and family are unsupportive and them not being here for me is causing me to suffer. Day after day after day all I think about is suicide but.. I’m to much of a chicken to fucking do it. I want to live but then again I want to die.. In the least painful way.. I’ve been waiting for so long to find those friends who finally care.. […]
So I’ve calmly explained to my family that my child needs to eat all day.
And then they wonder why I’m suddenly screaming full bore about how they need to eat.
It’s day 3 of them not having an appetite. It’s a fact toddlers do this but mine absolutely CANNOT do this.
They have failure to thrive and we’re in the closing stages of a child services investigation. I’ve successfully brought them home from foster care but our battle isn’t over. The state is going to continue harassing us, even after the case is closed.
I can’t afford my child losing any kind of weight. […]
No one will ever believe you, in all of truth’s entirety, until you’re dead. No one will completely understand the pain you were going through or how serious you were, until they find your body.
Not your parents, not your friends, not your doctors.
You only have yourself until you’re dead.
I don’t get how people claim suicide is selfish. those people have never felt the pain that some do. at this point in my life I don’t see any other way out of all this, I’m so sad and alone, suicide seems like the only thing that I can do. I am not selfish, I’m just hurting, and I don’t know how much more I can take in this world..
I am at my wits end in life. Normally I am able to pull through when things get tough but lately I am seriously considering killing myself. I understand that everyone goes through life drama but I don’t think I am strong enough to carry everything on my shoulders anymore. I am 18 and as of right now I feel alone. I was raped from the time I was 7 until I was 11 by my stepbrothers and their friends. I never said anything to anyone because (as a little girl) I believed what they told me .. That they would break up my family. […]
The past week or so has been a living nightmare for me, and I believe it’s going to be like that for quite a while. Up until now I’ve felt that my life is a long dark tunnel, except that I can’t see the light at the end. Just dark. It sounds like a cliché, but somehow that’s the best way I’ve found to describe it. Like if the same air that everyone breathes chokes me, while everybody else can breathe with no problem at all. I just wish there would be somebody that could notice there is something wrong with me without having to […]
It’s been a while since I’ve been active here, and I mainly only come to post thoughts that I can just get down and easily forget.
I’ve been off my medications for about 3 months since trying to have a baby with my husband. It has been so hard though what with making the decision to quit the job I’ve been at for the past five years, starting a job I utterly despise, making the decision to quit the new job entirely (after having multiple anxiety attacks stemmed from it; I do have a backup plan though), and having our roommate situation wear and tear me […]
I’m not quite sure if becoming a user of this forum is a means of an end or a coping method. At this point, it really couldn’t matter less.
One day, perhaps, I will fully disclose the ‘origin story’ (this phrase is funny to me, as if comparing the origins of my condition to the origins of a superhero’s powers); the entire tale of my descent into severe depression, my incessant and quite honestly obsessive thoughts of suicide that had lasted every day for a year, and my journey through psychiatric hospitalization. At one point, I had felt that these points in my life were important and […]
Taken straight from my tumblr because I’m too lazy to repeat it. And it’s all here anyway.
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It’s taken almost 40 years and falling in love with the one I truly want and could marry every day of my life over and over again, and knowing that I can’t have him and will go to my grave never having the love that I’ve dreamed of since I was 5 to finally push me to this. It’s something I should’ve done when I was still a child, but I didn’t understand back then. All my life, I’ve ignored the outside world and stuck to […]
I really loved you. I actually cared about you. I’m sorry that that wasn’t enough. I’m sorry that I didn’t know that less was more. I’m glad you’re happy. Finally. You deserve it. I wish we talked more. I miss you like crazy. You were the best person to me. Even when shit got broken towards the end you were still more of a friend to me than the people I call friends now. You meant more to me. You treated me like a real human being instead of just some rag doll. With you I felt secure and okay and like I actually mattered […]
People throughout my life have been making me feel sorry for them when I decided to put my foot down. Like with my friend who I got into a heated fight with. He always tells me about how upset he felt in the fight but never cared about how I felt about it. Hurt, depressed, betrayed, cheated on, thrown away, used, the list goes on and on.. It always seems like he’s trying to make me feel sorry for him even though he was the main cause of it. Same said with my dad. I remember this one time I didn’t want to go on […]
I live by minutes now. Not hours, nor days, but minutes. And those minutes are like seconds, and the days feel like hours. I blink, takes too much time. I read, five hours go by. Where did my time go? I’m not here right now. I’m still back there in the past. I am still a child. I cannot be eighteen, it doesn’t feel right. Innocence, did I ever know you? Did you ever leave? I’m standing still. Stay with me.
Whether in the news or through conversation it bothers me when someone tells me this person committed suicide. Committed being the offensive word. There is a negative connotation for the word committed. Committed is used for crimes. Such as, he committed murder or she committed arson. Committed is used for criminals. A person who takes their life shouldn’t be labeled a criminal because they aren’t one. Do they hurt others by suicide yes but those gone shouldn’t be further stigmatized. They ‘died’ by suicide. Know the difference.
Update on everything:
— I’m still here, it’s starting to rain, I have to pee, and I think my favorite color today is green.
— It’s 6:20 in the evening and I haven’t eaten anything all day long.
— I see that my picture got deleted off my previous post. The admins let the drawing stay up, but deleted the photo of my blood. I’m sure it had something to do with method-aversion, but it still irritates me. Mostly because I couldn’t get them to answer or help with any of my tech issues a few months ago, (they never did answer), yet within 24 hours they swoop […]
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, so I doubt anyone remembers me, but whatever. I’m just really fed up with my existence, everything about me is just horrible. All I do is upset or annoy people, I somehow manage to peeve everyone I meet and I don’t remember the last time I made someone happy. I really can’t think of a single good thing about myself, I’m annoying, not very good looking, not very nice, completely talentless and I’m the most stupid person I know. I’m so stupid I’m actually failing most of my classes in high school right now, and I only […]
These are the things I wish I could tell my best friend/ ex boyfriend:
I wish I could tell you I love you
I wish I could tell you that I care
I wish I could tell you I will always be there
I wish I could tell you how much I miss you
I wish I could go back and say the right things
I wish you could see I want to be there
The person who you call
The person you love
I wish I knew what you felt
I wish I knew what happened
I wish you knew that when I cry I […]