For those who have passed on.
Ema il: suesyd . nomore at gma il . co m
Kik: H4UOK
Facebook: Suesyd Nomore
So I will start off by saying that this might seem like I am looking for attention but I am not. This is what I deal with and I don’t know where else to express myself. Please don’t judge me. I’ve had enough of that.
Depression is hard. Its like being strapped to a table and left there in the dark with a chronic pain that just gets worse and someone constantly whispering in your ear:
“If you give up, I can make the pain stop”
I sit there wondering “Is it right? It hurts just to breathe, Why is it happening? I hate myself, I […]
heads up everyone, i ramble. i feel nothing and at the same time i have so many thoughts that i cant think, so this is basically emotional throw-up. read it. or dont. im mostly just putting my thoughts down so that i can understand them better myself.
i was angry and sad today, as i often am, and stumbled across this site. whoever started it, kudos to you, because its nice to talk to people who understand, rather than broken records saying ‘dont be depressed, be happy’. lovely, i will just do that then. oh wait, i dont know how. its not a simple thing, though it seems like […]
….because I’m not going to die, however badly I want to.
….because I know I’ll come back here and read this one day.
I hope you feel better now. You MUST do- if there’s no ‘better’ than this (as I’m so afraid might be the case) it seems impossible I’m still alive.
I hope you got to feel happiness again. I wonder how? I’m in so much pain now, Even if something happens to make me happy, the pain taints it. I didn’t know that was a real thing- I thought people were ungrateful for saying that! So ignorant.
I miss him so much. I’m scared to ask if […]
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I can share with all you SP members that a friend of Ant’s confirmed his departure.
R.I.P. Ant, you leave us your words, music, and special sense of humor. Wish we could have made you stay with us a little longer, though.
So I went to my prom as a lot people recommend but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t enjoy it my social anxiety kicked in and I became self conscious. All the songs reminded me of my bestfriend and person I loved that I lost. I missed him and really wished he could have been there. I saw everyone else was happy so what the fuck did I do to deserve so much pain, to lose everything. Why am I being punished since the day I was born.
I cant do this anymore
I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up
I met a girl when i was in fifth grade and we were kinda friends and then in sixth grade we started dating and we dated for a while and about three months ago she just broke up with me and it just killed me inside but it gets even worse. After we broke up she said she wouldn’t date anyone for like 5 months but she thought it was a good idea to go out with a girl and the had been perfectly fine for a few months and then they got in a fight and my ex came to me for advice so […]
I’m so messed up. My mind is messed up. I feel like I can’t see reality anymore. It’s like I’m stuck in my chaotic mind and It’s killing me. I don’t know the way out. I keep distracting myself and doing some stuffs but then I feel like I’m caged inside my mind. It’s like I’m here but I’m not here. I’m tearing up because of frustration. I don’t know how to fix myself anymore. I don’t know what to do and it’s fucking killing me inside. I’m going mad!
April 24th 2016.
The gut wrenching day that I lost my Mom. My never doubtful amazing support system. My rock. My role model growing up.
She’s gone.
I wonder how long I’m going to continue to wake up everyday hoping it was a nightmare, and didn’t really happen? Everyday that I wake up and realize that this is my new reality… I feel like I’m being told for the first time again that she’s gone. I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of intense motions the last month or so. I’ve gone from shocked, to being extremely upset, to being angry to being extremely confused.
I have a billion unanswered […]
Hey everyone, just me- Im 19 right now and I really hate my life . I see people complaining back and forth about trivial things and the truth is I always believed they didn’t know what true pain was. But I know it isn’t right or fair because I’m just comparing their pain to mine andy oroblems aren’t anyone elses. I was molested by my cousin when I was about 8 in 4th grade. the earliest time I can honestly remember this, I was experimented on and I was penetrated my older cousin. Both my cousins fondled me though. That may not […]
I want to forget this house and these people i want to forget the life im leading i know if i continue on this path it’ll lead me straight to the darkness within myself that im so afraid of i move in just a few short weeks i haven’t continued with packing or clearing my room despite my needing to I’m honestly afraid this won’t change anything i need something I’m being torn apart by the two people who tried to raise me my father who beat me and tried so hard to forge me into someone with no feelings no emotions no regret he […]
Perhaps I’ve been suicidal since I was seven years old, which was ten years ago. I guess the bullying of my friends and peers were the start of it. I saw everyone having at least four friends as I played by myself, I was never the one that anyone thought was fun or cool. I was the freak with the buck teeth.
I was also diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at that time. I often was in my imagination, being friends with imaginary friends until I was fourteen.
There was only one friend that I knew, and she went to a different school, but each summer, we would […]
I like this documentary very much. Not in a morbid way. But in the way that where it becomes evident that there isn’t anything pretty about death, the main character in the documentary finds strength and positivism from her job: Forensic Cleaning, aka. Crime Scene Cleaning, aka. Bio-hazard Cleaning Specialists, etc.
She has gone through so much personally, and professionally, her job is so physically and emotionally intense, yet she keeps pushing through, it’s admirable.
I especially enjoy the interactions between husband and wife 😀
I guess I should start from the beginning. I am 17 almost 18 and have a brother who is 16 and a sister who is 20. My life sucks is complicated and somewhat confusing at times.
I was adopted when I was 4 by a family who we were all happy to be part of. I was adopted because my parents did drugs and were nearly always unconscious. We were malnourished and my sister was looking after us. So I guess the positive was we got a new family and well that’s where things were supposed to get better but in fact things somehow got worse.
My brother […]
I lost my only child to “sudden unexpected infant death” at 9 months old. I fed her a bottle, laid with her till she fell asleep, laid her in her crib and then found her an hour later blue, cold and unresponsive. My husband did CPR until EMS arrived. They worked on her for over an hour and never could bring her back. My life ended that day. I’m simply an empty shell wandering around trying to be what doctors percieve as “normal/healthy”, considering. The only reason I’m still here is because I can’t bring myself to inflict this pain on my own mother. I […]
I’m not one to think of suicide when something bad happens in my life, but everyone at my school has drove me to that thought. I’ve always been bullied and been last or never picked cause of what people would say about me and how I’d be treated like someone’s little *****.. but it’s was always my nature to fucking forgive them and shit. I started to contemplate of ways to do suicide and actually think of myself never being there in people’s lives anymore and who’d about who would attend my funeral, but that was what drove me to not doing it ,because I […]
Reality is boring
real-life is boring
real-world is boring
not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !
also,
I hate Humans , Humans suck
I hate Human , Human suck
I hate Humanity, Humanity suck
I hate people , people suck
Most humans / people only think about Money ,
and this reality is boring !
reallife is boring !
realworld is boring !
people / humans are so shallow, superficial, stupid, ignorant
Humanity is hopeless
if there is God , then God is boring !
even Science is boring too !
Science fiction (Sci-fi) is much more interesting than real Science facts !
why […]
Its been a while since ive been on here. I was feeling more positive for a while then it all went to shit. There is something really wrong with me. I subatage my life on purpose. Maybe im looking for rock bottom. Since the last time i posted i took a little trip back to jail. My dad likes to call it summer camp in polite conversation. Lol. I was fighting a serious charge for class x home invasion in illinois which gives you 6-30 years in jail. Last time i couldn’t tell the truth. Not when what i wanted to say could have been […]
So I am a senior male in high school. I’m 17 going on 18 at the end of June. There’s this one kid Zack who is a freshman at my school and I fucking hate him. I haven’t really talked to him but knowing what he does makes me sick. He dates a girl and makes out with her and everything, he is all sweet and charming and everything (little does anybody know he’s really a ***** and extremely aggressive and violent with guys) but the catch about the girls he dates is that they all self-harm (usually cutting). Sounds like a sweet boy right? […]
It’s late enough that probably everyone has gone to sleep or is out partying in that fuzzy world where beer helps us forget everything else.
But I’ll just post this anyway, to help myself think.
About 3 months ago, I posted THIS about a guy in our symphony who died. (Possibly/probably suicide).
His memorial service was last Thursday (they kept him on ice an extra long time because they had to wait for his brother to get home from overseas).
Since he was an excellent trumpet player, I’ve been trying to think of a way to pay tribute to that by composing a piece we can […]