Category:

Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

moonshot and mental after-walks from a before-life

by kills 8/4/2015

written by kills

from the depths of despair I wander
but not all who wander are lost
yet I am both
a wandering vagabond in search of answers i’ll never seem to find outside of my rib cage
my animal pen that keeps my true rage locked inside until it’s time to feed
hidden and looked over have I been for far too long

.44 magnum for voice box full of ammunition that’s begging to be fired
whoever gets in the way is irrelevant; the bullets are meant to kill
cause I’m killz and I was born in darkness
birthed in hopelessness and death themselves
i have seen […]

8/4/2015 0 comment

Hate

by Yours, Forever and Always 8/3/2015

written by Yours, Forever and Always

I really hate how I can tell someone to keep going when I know that I can’t keep going myself.

I hate how I’m there for everyone but when I need someone, all I have is myself.

I hate how I cry myself to sleep at night because I have actual problems and yet, there are kids my age who’s only problem is whether or not they want to actually vacation in Paris this month or not.

I hate how people don’t care about certain things like homelessness and bankruptcy until they have to experience it first hand.

I […]

8/3/2015 2 comments

by jules1769 8/3/2015

written by jules1769

This is my first post on any suicide blog. I’ve tried to talk to people before but they don’t seem to understand and I’m looking for someone who does. I’m a 12 year old girl. My age is another reason why people don’t listen they think I’m to little to be going through this kind of stuff but it can happen at any age. I wanted to share my story to people who might actually listen. It all started when my mom told me about my friend who cutted I didn’t know what cutting really was but I found out. My first cut was small. […]

8/3/2015 9 comments

Don’t I deserve to be happy?

by Yours, Forever and Always 8/1/2015

written by Yours, Forever and Always

I told them I wanted to leave. It didn’t have to be far away, just away from here.

I need help and I know it. They know it. Everyone seems to know it.

I can’t get help while being here.

I’m becoming a monster. Aggressive, verbally abusive to others, physically abusive towards myself. I’ve just about given up on myself. And all anyone cares about is that fact that if I leave, it’s like I’m abandoning them. THEM!

Like, aren’t they abandoning me by only caring about themselves? They aren’t looking out for my best interest. I could kill […]

8/1/2015 1 comment

I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to..

by Yours, Forever and Always 8/1/2015

written by Yours, Forever and Always

I’ve attempted suicide over ten times.

I’ve never been raped or lost someone close to me to death. I’ve never been homeless or starving. I’ve never run away or snuck out.

Instead, I’ve smoked and drank. I cut and I burn. I think about my death often.

I remember when my parents found out how suicidal I was. My mom laughed and then continued smoking and my step father joked about keeping me away from his tools. They never put me in a hospital, and only took me to therapy once.

They put me on a bunch of meds, […]

8/1/2015 11 comments

My Story

by maggimi 7/31/2015

written by maggimi

Hello everyone,

This is my first post. Although I have read through much of this website for the past few weeks, I have simply relegated my involvement to that of backseat viewer. I have now decided to share with you a little about who I am and why I browse this website to pass the time.

First, a little bit about me. I have read the sources of many people’s depression and suicidal thoughts and I regret to say that exteriorly, I may represent an unorthodox example of a someone who is plagued with the issue of suicide. I am 19 years old, an excellent student, good looking, […]

7/31/2015 7 comments

Failed Suicide Attempt

by ChemicalCouple1 7/30/2015

written by ChemicalCouple1

I’m 19 years old. My name isn’t important. I live on a farm, with sheep and crops, and wheat, and machinery. I’ve been depressed and anxious my whole life. Even when I was 14 years old, I was self-harming. I hadn’t self harmed or attempted suicide in 5 years. But to day got the best of me.

I walked to my partners car and opened the boot, before pulling our one of the ropes. He keeps them there encase be gets bogged so […]

7/30/2015 4 comments

I’m giving up, I’m giving in.

by LostAndBroken 7/26/2015

written by LostAndBroken

I know it’s recommeneded to not give out your name, but honestly right now I need a friend. I need someone. Anyone. I feel hopeless, broken beyond repair. My name Is James.

I’ve tried to die multiple times now. Times where I just snapped and gave in, others where I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I couldn’t take the abuse and the bullying. It’s left me completely broken. I thought it wouldn’t get worse.. But it got much much worse..

Lately my whole life has been destroyed. I let myself love again..and It only ended in pain. I let someone get too close..told them things about me […]

7/26/2015 9 comments

Survivor

by katt996 7/21/2015

written by katt996

I’m Kat, I’m 19, I’ve suffered from psychotic depression and severe anxiety for 7 years. I’ve had a really rough upbringing, my father OD’d and disowned me when I was 15, I’ve had hallucinations and delusions since I was 3. Self harmed between ages 13 – 17. Suffered chronic joint pain since I was probably around 9. Have been on several medications. Dropped out of high school at 15. Been homeless. Been mentally and verbally abused by several people. Forced into consenting to sex. SO much. So much about my life fucking sucked.

March 13, 2014.
My boyfriend and I split up, I don’t know why. […]

7/21/2015 3 comments

a poem that helps me

by Dorothy Gale 7/15/2015

written by Dorothy Gale

The slam poetry scene in my state has been a veritable haven when I can actually get myself to attend an open mic/slam feature night. I hope this poem can help at least one person like it did for me.

Kait Rokowski – “A Good Day”
http://youtu.be/TjjaIwVxfTw (to see her recite it)

Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries,
took the bus home,
carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment
and cooked myself dinner.
You and I may have different definitions of a good day.
This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill,
worked 60 hours between […]

7/15/2015 4 comments

So many beautiful souls here

by Dorothy Gale 7/15/2015

written by Dorothy Gale

and it’s so painful to see you in such despair.

That this must be our cross to bear, what brings us together as perfect strangers. The black dog on our shoulder. Wish it could be anything else for all of us.

I spent all night last night reading through posts and comments. When I came in I was crying for myself, hoping not to feel the end of my rope once more. I went to bed crying for others, hoping they can somehow find their way back up their rope, and if not, that they can find in death the peace they so crave and deserve. I […]

7/15/2015 2 comments

The “perks” of being Malcolm

by ThePerksOfBeingMe 7/13/2015

written by ThePerksOfBeingMe

So here I am, an eighteen year old boy on a website designed for sad teenage girls and I’m expected to talk about the “perks” of being me? Okay fine if it will keep her happy and I’ll be able to come out more often then FINE I’ll write! Hm some perks? Well, I had a milkshake last night so that’s cool or whatever. Man I don’t think I can sit here and pretend there are perks to being myself. I can’t even be myself! I’m 18 and a boy and I’m trapped in a woman’s body, let me tell you going to the bathroom […]

7/13/2015 4 comments

Always

by KissOfDeath 7/13/2015

written by KissOfDeath

I’ve always wanted to submerge myself into something that would help numb these feelings,
I’ve always wanted to experience that complete lostness you see in someone deep into their work,
I’ve always envied that.
I’ve tried to lose myself in alcohol,
but these feelings make is seem as if I’m drinking poison.
I’ve tried to lose myself in drugs,
but these feelings make the strongest “uppers” into downers.
I knew these weren’t positive things to lose myself in,
but I didn’t care,
I was so desperate.
I’ve always wanted to be a great writer,
I wanted to paint beautiful scenes with my words,
but creativity […]

7/13/2015 2 comments

Going Down, Society (in our current state, anyway)

by not_much_different 7/12/2015

written by not_much_different

Talk to someone about something relevant, and most people will respond like they are not interested.

People that prioritize their fantasies at the expense of the reality of things are, sadly, the byproduct of a lack of education, cultural indoctrination, or more drastically, some genetic outcomes, being a victim of violence, extreme poverty, sickness, addictions, to name a few…

Now try to fix or to solve a universal, a global, a regional or a local problem, because that idea you got is closer to an optimal state, clearly realistic, and/or overall less or not problematic at all. You will be stopped, discouraged, even […]

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7/12/2015 0 comment

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More Perks of Being Elizabeth!

by ThePerksOfBeingMe 7/12/2015

written by ThePerksOfBeingMe

Well, its come to my attention that there is a ton of misconception about DID especially on the internet!

If any of you have any interest in speaking to someone suffering from the disorder I encorage you to feel free to comment here, follow me on Tumblr (http://alltheperksofbeingus.tumblr.com/) or i have a KIK (theperksofbeingus) which of course is more personal! I really look forward to hearing from anyone, if I can educate just one person I feel as if I’ll be making a difference!

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7/12/2015 3 comments

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Something Beautiful

by paranoid 7/12/2015

written by paranoid

Hello:)

This will be a rather quick synopsis of my suicidal attempts and what led up to them and how I managed past them but the story should come across anyways.

First Attempt:

I was about 14 at this time, and had started cutting. it wasn’t “severe” as it was mostly little scratches. I would only “cut” when I was super overwhelmed with my situation, or emotions. I had been seeing a guy for about a year, and was infatuated with him. One day, he decided to tell me that he had been cheating on me with his ex, but that I shouldn’t be worried because he can […]

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7/12/2015 3 comments

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Questions to make you Think

by KissOfDeath 7/10/2015

written by KissOfDeath

Before you convince yourself that now is the time to leave this world and enter a whole new dimension of an unknown abyss, ask yourself these questions. (and feel free to answer them yourself in the comments):

What makes it so hard for you to stay?

What do you view suicide as?

How would you commit suicide?

On average, 6 people are intimately affected by the suicide of a friend, family member, etc.
Who do you think would miss you the most? (Can be more or less than 6 people.)

Why would those people miss you so much?

What is your favorite thing about your everyday life?

What are some […]

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7/10/2015 23 comments

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Welcoming the Non-Welcomed.

by KissOfDeath 7/10/2015

written by KissOfDeath

It seems like forever since I’ve been on this website, and I pity myself for needing to come back, for needing to vent about something that never leaves, the follows me as close as my own shadow.

This feeling, this dreaded feeling is back, and as I try, day by day, to push it to the back of my mind, all it does is grow, feeding off my happiness.

I’m upset, so upset that it seems that all is going well, yet this feeling won’t allow me to feel joy, to feel anything besides remorse. I want to be the one who is always smiling, […]

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7/10/2015 1 comment

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New

by wormfood 7/8/2015

written by wormfood

Hi everyone,

I’m new to this site and just found it after searching for some ideas for suicide methods online. Interesting that this site does not allow that but my search brought me to a post that talked about some interesting ideas.

Anyway, I don’t know where to start. I’m in my mid 30’s and have been suicidal since I was about 15, depressed all my life. It certainly makes life pretty fucking meaningless when everything you experience feels negative and full of suffering. I don’t know why I am like this and I thought it would stop when I was done with my teen years but […]

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7/8/2015 3 comments

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Yellow Pic

by Parsley5267 7/8/2015

written by Parsley5267

I don’t honestly do not know why I am even writing this. Big brother can watch me have my nervous breakdown, I guess. It was not at all in my intentions to be one of those people who threaten their selves with their lives when things get hard. That’s weak, right? Although, I’m struggling to understand that, it makes your mentality to have strenuous strength to cope with the inevitability. Here’s the kicker, I am 16. I haven’t even lived to have the urge to end it, right? Ahhhhhhh, or maybe it could be the raging hormones and the typical teenage babble like, he said […]

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7/8/2015 4 comments

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