My computer and network got hacked the other night due to a misstep of protocol before clicking-entering a porn-site. I was connected to the internet on my laptop through my iPhone’s network through “hot-spot,” and apparently my iPhone has been bugged, too, because it’s also lagging like s***. So now, surfing the web on my laptop has ceased totally because of super-lag and all I have now is SP on my bugged iPhone. I don’t know, maaaaaan. Who wants to hang-out….. I have a bunch of good bud. (Not a hard porn watcher, btw).
Since suicide by starvation alone takes a considerable amount of time, ive decided to drink smal doses of anti freeze mixed into my gatorade, i posted yesterday stating i was beginning the starvation process but ive actually been on it for 5 days so far including today. ive gone fr 170lbs to 161lbs so far and feel like death figuratively, but thats probably due to taking my anti anxiety meds without food. Like many of you i wanted the least painful way to go. I dont suggest these methods. i will update with how the antifreeze affects my body in a couple of days.
Its been a week since I’ve quit my job. My family is struggling to survive as is and yet here I am, at home for the past three days. I haven’t gone out and I haven’t even changed clothes. I feel like I’m wasting the data on my phone but I’m sure it will be cut sometime in the next few days anyway.
I managed to make everyone that mattered at work hate me. I guess partially it was my fault, partially it was Eva’s fault. She came out of nowhere a month ago and befriended my two good friends as well as took my […]
I find this has more meaning than I’d like to think it does.
In the end were all just chalk lines on the concrete, drawn only to be washed away.
For the time that I’ve been given, I am what I am..
Never enough by five finger death punch
recently we’ve broken up, after a long period of time together, through good times and bad. when we’ve met, i was happier. even though we met at the hospital, both dealing with our mental illnesses. i can’t point on the timeline when things got really bad. i’ve grown to drink frequently at some point. i thought it would help me escape my feelings, and, well, it did. but i thought, until recently, that it was just that. well, no.
i think i was seeking attention, love. she told me, since the beginning, she has a problem of showing love. i thought that by doing crazy shit […]
I told my wife that last week I was deeply depressed, and we processed by feelings. If I had told her that I was severely depressed that would have had undesirable and unintended consequences. This morning I told her that I felt better which in some self-delusional sense is true. But I also told her that I thought of suicide, and it’s as if she was shocked. Last year I had a major depressive episode and had acute suicidal ideations. I told her that I expected that I would suffer with suicidal thoughts at least for the foreseeable future and maybe even for the […]
It was so much easier when i could take pills or cut but now there’s a life inside of me. Depending on me. I can’t take it anymore. I never want to hurt any child, especially mine. But i know me and I understand no one deserves someone as horrible as me. Each day is a struggle. A fight I’m losing. A fight almost……lost.
I’m an upper middle class perfectionist who has it all together on the outside. If anyone knew how much I hated myself I’m sure they’d be surprised. No, I’m not popular or the prettiest girl in school but I’m not an outcast, I’ve got a good friend group, I make straight A’s, I’m on the soccer team and track team, and I drive a nice car. But lots of little things put together have had me on a downward spiral for a while now. I suffer from severe depression. I have wanted to die. I have thought a lot about killing myself. I just want to die. […]
i just cant anymore. today is the last….90 ambien 100 otc sleeping pills….i just can’t……i’m so so sorry.i really did try. but i cant i told you before i was afraid i’ve gone so far afield i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to find myself again….well i cant……i’m so sorry. i know this is gonna leave behind a big hurt and i’m sorry
Guys iv decided that I need to get help and I need to tell my parents about my depression. But I’m kind of afraid to I don’t know how there going to take it or how to even tell them. I’ve tried asking some of my friends on how how to tell them but they don’t know either….does anyone have any suggestions for me?
Where do I start?? I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. No really as far back as I can recall I have never really been happy. I guess I could clue you in on all the bs that has led me here. But really it’s a story you’ve heard before. Maybe not all from the same person but pieced together from multiple people like some sort of f@$#!d up jigsaw puzzle. I’m obviously thinking about death (particularly mine). Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I don’t have any friends. There is really only one person (in the flesh) who is here for me. […]
Yeah. Silly silly me. Why give away your trust so easily every single time? You trust people so easily. Is this what you want? Every single time, to be hurt by people. Is this the life you want, the life you’re willing to live. Steel your heart and conceal. You are not worth their time. Lies. Lies. Lies.
Shut up you incompetent fool. You are a worthless piece of shit. No one will give a duck about you. Stop trying to mix with humans. You do not belong here. Leave. Be like a ghost. Yeah.
Yeah. Yep. That would be the last straw. Disappear from this reality. […]
We are all on here for different reasons and have been driven to consider taking our own lives due to a wide range of experiences. We are a diverse company of sufferers. And that is as it should be.
I haven’t posted here with any regularity in many months. I’ve been in Puerto Vallarta since August 1st and will return to the states on Jan 26th, as planned.
Its been a time of great introspection, highs and lows and just plain old acceptance of who and what I am, and what is possible for me. I made […]
When I get up from being down I always try to get a new start. Make myself different like a new man. I try to get a new start to erase my mistakes. The next day everyone sees me, notices me. This kills me since I just want people to forget me. Remembering me is remembering my failures. So now instead of a new me people see a new failure to be made. How can I hold my head up high when every can see my flaws? A reason I would hate to die is because before I’m forgotten everyone would bring up the worst […]
There are no flowers, no not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines. Just these stark words, I find.
I’d show a smile, but I’m too weak. I’d share with you could I only speak, just how much this hurts me.
The cuts aren’t even that deep. They bleed a little and i wipe away the blood. They’re not that big nor that small. The cuts don’t hurt they just sting. It feels like I have poured alcohol over my cuts, that’s how bad it has started to sting. I guess I deserve the stinging because I cut myself.
I am having such trouble at school that I come home crying. I started high school. My friend doesn’t go there, she goes to a different school. I moved so I got zoned for another school. The people in my grade already has their friends, and cliques and I am just left out. My only close friend that I have doesn’t even talk to me as much as we did last year. I have like 1 or 2 people I hang out with at school but I don’t think that they even want to be friends with me. They make plans without me, hangout without […]
It’s harmless right. I’m not bothering anyone. I wish I was dead. Life is a ****ing joke! This is so stupid, I am so stupid, life is so stupid. I have known for many years how I would die. By my own hand, hanging from a tree in Letchworth, with the tips of my toes lightly brushing the snow topped forest floor. No one will find me until spring when the hikers break, hunters aren’t allowed in the state park. I have always loved that place, it’s so spiritual. I just keep thinking of my body being defiled by him. I am just left in […]
Why do we celebrate thanksgiving when its really a time of mass murder? Why do we celebrate Christmas and buy all sorts of junk when so many are starving? Why are priests molesting the kids? Why did people boot stomp babies, and pull them apart in fours called quartering? Why were Jews killed by the millions? Why were Africans killed by the millions? why does it seem like a cycle that will never end? I dont blame any race , color, creed or nationality for any of this.All that most of us have become and learned has been around and handed down from generation […]
i have researched for numerous ways to commit, today i begin my journey to end this pain through self starvation. Ill post periodically to inform about the process. its been a long fight, and the fight to live is finally over.