It seems like all of my life has been predetermined, as if my thoughts and actions are actually beyond my control. It’s like existing without really existing. It sucks because no matter what I do, I feel that I am not doing it. I sometimes feel like life is just a movie with sentience included. That’s depressing, because all of the pain that I feel is much like an illusion. Perhaps I’m not feeling pain, but I am experiencing a set of physiochemical processes taking place that make me think that I am feeling something, when ultimately, I am no more alive than a rock. […]

Im not lying when I am saying I was a young age. I was in a grade between 1st and 3rd. Living in a trailer park with a few younger siblings, one being an infant. My dad and mom broke up a while back, and the boyfriend she had at the time is scary and mean that is also the father of my 2 sisters and brother. I remember when I was a kid my dad used to make me go to church.  With me brainwashed into the religion every night before I went to bed I cried to god praying that he would take […]

When I was about 12 – 13 years old (I’m now 24) thought I was gay. I started going on a forum where I met a girl called Serena. I spoke to her every single day, eventually we decided to be girlfriends. Being that age I really felt like I was in love, I loved speaking to her over the net and by text. She’d get me to leave voicemails too, I’d do anything for her. It was so nice finally having someone to talk to, I didn’t have any friends and was always bullied… She made everything so much better.

This carried on for months, […]

God, Please help me!  I want to leave this life and its hardships and burdens.  I have planned and stopped many times and think about killing myself every day.  I wrote my notes and instructions yesterday. Today I am trying to have new hope and do something to not give in to the end of me. I am 68 years old and extremely depressed, financially bereft and hate my life. I do not want to hurt my children and siblings, but life is so hopeless. I feel humiliated and worthless.  I cannot find work and my husband will not help. We lost our home and […]

I walked away so long ago
left my heart and soul buried somewhere in the snow.
Frozen forever, as cold as ice
what is left of me is not so nice.
Try to warm me up
I will swallow you whole
trying to fill this empty hole.
Heartless is what I am
so I have locked me away
I dont want to destroy you
like they destroyed me.
I want you to fly
and to be as free as a bird
to sing your beautiful song
soaring high above the earth.
I want you to laugh and smile
to feel the warmth of the sun

So… I really don’t know where to start or what I’m even meant to say… My head is so full of racing thoughts that I can’t even work out what the thoughts are, they’re just a complete mess. I don’t want this anymore, I don’t want to live like this. I’ve tried so hard to beat it but I can’t fight anymore, I’m pretty sure fighting with your own mind is impossible anyway? I feel like there’s nothing left to do… I just desperately need to end this, I need to hurry up and do it. I just wish that this guilt wouldn’t stop me/ […]

is superhero real exist ?
are superheroes real exist ?
is superpower or magic real exist ? (like in those cool movies, games, comics, novels, books, anime / manga, etc) ?
you know, like in those ‘cool’ superhero movies : X-Men (X Men), Superman, Thor, Spiderman, Iron man, Captain America, or in those ‘cool’ fantasy / sci-fi (sci fi, science fiction) movies : Harry Potter, Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, TRON, or games like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc etc ..

otherwise, fuck this boring reality / real world / real life !!

I hate reality, I hate life , I hate this very *LIMITED* & […]

not anymore. im done with people, im just done.

I don’t understand what you’re expecting of me,

your needs a bottomless pit.

Just because you don’t understand these feelings,

doesn’t make me a misfit.

I don’t wish you to understand,

this mind, it’s my own personal hell.

I’m scribbling down my note written in my own twisted fate,

hoping no one remembers to tell.

The rope, hung ever so delicately,

my last and final hope.

The knocking on my door loudens,

as my body begins to mope. 

You ignorant fool
Why do I love someone like you so much?
Why so long?
I just can’t be around you anymore
Because I know there’s someone you care about
More than I
You don’t love me anymore

And yet those moments when I can touch you
And hold you
You still hold my hand
In those moments
You’re mine again

And I suppose it’s sad
That the moments I feel the most loved by you
Are those times when you hit me around
And choke me
And call me names
That’s when I feel your affection most
Like maybe nothing has changed
When I know it […]

You stood there, stood there and start to slowly back away,

You said that those close to you didn’t think that speaking to me was healthy, that it had thrown your thoughts into disarray.

It’s not worth the trouble or the heartache they told you,

And somehow you decided that it was true.

“There is no reason to stay as she’ll never see things clearly.”

With this you pacified yourself, never seeing that it might cost you dearly.

I stood there, stood there forgotten and alone.

You had said that my stubbornness was something that you could no longer condone,

But stubbornness had never been the problem.

In order to reach you, I had […]

My last post about executing the plan, was a failure. I know I haven’t got enough courage to do it on that day, simply because I thought I had something to live for, or someone to live. I still do, but the urge is just more each day and I couldn’t find a way to resist it instead to just do it once and for all. My current situation is pretty bad, I’ve lost my job, my parents hate me for not earning, and I’m just rotting at home, but they have no idea how broken I am for letting them down. My parents are […]

Do you every feel like a baby bird?

A baby bird is helpless when it first hatches.

They do not know how to fly, and they do not know how to survive without their mothers.

There’s always that one baby bird that gets everything right.

It doesn’t plummet to its death when it tries to fly; it soars, and it is able to go on with its life independently.

And then there’s you.

You’re the one that can’t get up.

You’re the one that gets left behind when the rest of your siblings go out for something useful.

You’re the one left to freeze to death as the rest fly to hibernation.

You can’t […]

I honestly believe I live a privileged life. My parents have wealthy paying jobs, and I am able to go to a very nice high school. Nothing awful besides the deaths of my loved ones, and regular crappy teenage drama has happened in my life. I’m lucky. I’ve never been abused or assaulted, but I’m still sad. I was briefly bullied in middle school, but who hasn’t been in their own way? No matter how many incredible things happen in my life, I somehow fall back into a dark place. I have periods where I am so happy, and then I have times where I […]

The more you look back at it, the more it becomes clear.  The chaos in the way everything around you moves, breathes, exists and ultimately vanishes into the void.  I’m sort of glad I found this place, I wasn’t sure a thing like this would exist.  I’ve been cutting so many ties lately, well, is still tough to linger as you start the preparations.  I think it was a good idea to set a counter, so I’ll start with 20.  I’ll post 20 things in here before I can manage to successfully be one with the nothingness and have the sweet embrace of everlasting silence.

I […]

One day i was thinking to kill myself because i was feeling so bad.

I had a failure love story ,she is engaged now.One day was attending her sister’s wedding then i saw her dancing with her fiance .. i felt so sad 🙁 when i saw them.these days my father was facing problems in his work and his financial situation wasn’t good.I’m a student and i don’t have a job to help him.I felt like a loser in this life i lost my girl and i can’t help my father.I was feeling i’m useless so i had an idea to stop my suffering it was […]

I’m afraid of life and all the terrible things that can happen to me. My two worst fears right now are (1)being raped and getting pregnant and (2)being paralyzed from the neck down. I don’t really get that much satisfaction from living anyway. I love the guarantee of peace that death brings. Honestly, i jaunt want to escape the world. I don’t see the point in going through the motions of life when I can just end my miserable existence as soon as possible.

I plan on ending my own life as soon as I get my hands on some sleeping pills and have the house […]

There is always one moment in childhood, when the door opens and lets the future in. – Graham Green.
I can remember a moment such as this occurring many times in my own life. Whether it was the kindness of strangers, or in some cases the complete opposite, the cruelness of my family or peers, I can remember so many milestones in my life where I have come to the point where enough is enough, and I have opened that door, seen the future, and attempted to embrace it.
I have always considered myself to be an all or nothing kind of person. Whether […]

You read the title, where’s he gone? Does anybody know?

PS. Damn you Zoogle if you beat me to ‘it’.

I feel like I’m fighting for my life
And no one knows the depth of my despair
Too busy
Too uninterested
Too annoyed
Too…everything
I am a burden
A blight on a perfect life
Acknowledging me means they care
Caring means taking action
Neither are appealing to them
So it’s best to ignore it
Hope I’ll go away
It’s easier for them that way.